reborn on the 4th July

Have to be honest felt a bit disappointed with myself over the last couple of days I think more as I wrote my thoughts on my diary and could quite easily kept them to myself but I would only av been kidding myself I av to learn and learn I will

In my life the most amazing experience that has happened has to be the birth of my daughter a memory that will live with me forever , I owe her so much she is my life and without her life wouldn't be worth living

So tonight when they announced pudsey as the winner of BGT and to see the excitement in her face the sheer joy of her running round the room not been able to contain herself but more importantly to share that joy and excitement with her without feeling the pain and misery of losing twenty quid

This will be another memory that I will always remember esp when those urges try to rise within me as those urges could av took that memory away

So this week I av learned valuable lessons not to kid myself that I could do a controlled bet , always be honest to myself and my diary no matter what it makes me look like I am what I am a compulsive gambler trying so hard and fighting to get is life back on track but most importantly the quality time I av spent with my daughter laughing smiling and sharing

And finally still remain gamble free

Hi Castle, u should be really proud of urself 🙂

I just wanted to say that I agree with ur daughter I was also glad that the dog won:) It is really nice 2 read how much she means to u and how u can enjoy sharing happy times together.

Stay strong and keep going 🙂

Morning,

Oh I can picture fairy princess running around the room. Brought a warm glow to my heart.

As for the rest , you did not bet, so that is that.Draw a line under it and move on.

As for your honesty , well that just once again shows something everyone who reads your diary already knows. You are totally committed to staying in recovery, keeping this S***y addiction at bay , no matter what it throws at you. Temptations will come but you have shown that you will not sercum .

Your biggest problem now , may well be a certain special little girl , adding a Pugsy to her Xmas list. Good luck with that . Lol

Dusty xxxxxx

castle. Fella you have had an amazing week be very very proud of yourself, your willpower and the new value of the pound has seen you through the urge. I think as a compulsive gambler i will always somewhere in there formulate things and like you not even sporting things but to act on them is a different matter, so to end my friend give yourself a massive pat on the back and you and your daughter enjoy that twenty pound note. Be proud. Duncs compulsive gambler no bet today. (and on a lighter note i fear for my new dog lol as my daughter has a vision! !)

Morning Castle,

I thought of your daughter and you when the dog won and thought i reckon Castle must be feeling good that he did not go there!

A huge Well Done again, sooooo proud you made the right choice!

Keep Strong mate i know you will continue onwards and upwards in this journey and the rewards your daughter and you will see will be worth all the tough times

Keep Strong

Smiling Lucy 🙂

Back off the rollercoaster all the determination is back feel on top of the world today don't u just love this life

It's so much better than the one I had before

Thank u to all ur support

Hopefully rollercoaster free for a few days now but where would the fun it that be

See what tomorrow brings

Hi Castle, thank u 4 ur support on my diary 🙂

It is good 2 read that ur determination is back and that u r feeling positive 🙂

U can do this!

Stay strong and keep going 🙂

Well done Castle, we all learned something from your post, thanks for sharing it with us, Steve.

Morning ,

Just for your information, there has been an electrical failure.The engineer has been called out , but it will take days for him to turn up. It is presumed when he does the fault will not be able to be fixed with out a part. This part will probably take at least a week to arrive. Anyone intending to take a ride on the roller coaster is sadly out of luck ( story of our lives lol)

As an alternative you have been offered a free ride on the tea cups , opps no, I meant on the boat of serenity. Sorry is this messes things up, but you will thank me in the end.

So for the next few days, relax on the boat, chill out, regain your strength, ready for when the roller coaster is back up and running.

You take care , yes I know you think i am crazy but if this put a smile on your face who cares

Dusty xxxxxxxxxxx

HI Castle,

I to learned something from your post and for that im thankful, very honest but this is what our diarys are for, i find it stops me going mad to get it out there and my diary is a source of comfort and encouragement for me to see my journey.

I wish you continued strength in yours.

Blondie day 21.. and cant quite beleive it x

No fairy princes today she's off round to a school friend which is great for her but sad for me I do miss her so much , finished work early today so a free afternoon so I av had a good couple of hours with my favourite pastime reading and posting on here to keep me strong

Apart from that alls really well gonna watch match of the day av something to eat then off to pub for my weekly beer with the knowledge I cud av an extra pint with been off work tomorrow

Sounds perfect and all for twenty quid which I will remind myself I cud av blown sat night but didn't

Hi Castle2,

Thanks for taking the time to look through my diary, your words of reassurance are greatly appreciated.

I foolishly believed that the longer you stopped or stayed away then the easier it would get, but I now knowthat, for me anyway, that thats not the case. I will keep fighting the demon urges, and maybe one day I will be where you are now.

Congrats on being 4 months gamble free, what a remarkable achievement.

Stay strong, and all the best.

Cameron

It's great that you think of what you want your fairy princess to do rather than keeping her in just because you want her in. If this makes sense...?!

This shows just exactly what a lovely person you are.

It's just that gambling turned you into a monster.

So don't ever go back to it for you and your little fairy princess' sake!

NT

Hi Castle, thanks for your post and all your advice/ support over the weeks. Bout time I b****y laughed, since I gave up gambling life has started to get better for me, got to be vigilant though, when you've gambled for nearly 30 years constantly the urges are still there, keep strong, Steve.

Castle,

Good for you. That sounds like a great day watch match of the day and then go to the pub. Glad you didn't spend that twenty bucks on saturday.

Tomso.