reborn on the 4th July

Very reflective this mornin and trying to make some sense of the whole last week , I came very close to quitting this site as there was no motivation lots of negativity and it felt like I was just goin through the motions

This was not helping me and no way would it help anyone else in their recoveries , gambling was the least of my worries and has been for quite a while I am not naive enough though to think I av this beaten but it is out of my life

So the problem lait week was totally non gambling related and I seemed to be writing all my troubles on a site for recovery gamblers and nothin made any sense at all , yes I used to gamble rather than face up to my problems but now I don't so my thoughts were why am I doin this

The problem is now sorted short term but def not long term and there lies the frustration if I can beat gambling why can't I beat this , I just av to accept for now I can't but that doesn't stop me from facing up to it and knowing it needs dealing with

There's no financial damage been done or physical it's all just a mental problem mind over matter as before I never saw it with gambling but now I can see it for what it is but just simply don't av the strength to get rid of it

I will one day but that day is not now , life has so much to offer and I need to start living it and that I will

Stopping gambling is the ultimate reason why I am on here and I couldn't av done that with out all the help and support on here and that's something I will always remember

Hi Castle,

We all came on here for the same reasons initially,but we all start to unload to our faceless friends. Regardless of what its about, we ARE interested, coz we care. Its good to get a wee insight into our friends on here, if Im being honest, if all we ever spoke about was gambling, gambling, gambling, I personally would not be able to hack it. It would be too much for my grey matter to cope with !!

Its good to talk, to express our feelings, to share. So you keep on posting my friend, coz although gambling is the one thing we all have in common, we are all good honest people with big hearts, we are here for each other.

I like to be able to relate to certain friends on here because they have shared their everyday lives, Charlotte and her little one, Steve and the fishing, Dusty, Blondie, littlebit, etc the list goes on. Its kinda like a gamblers facebook - but faceless - and I for one would be lost without it.

You share and talk all you like friend, there are a thousand ears and shoulders on here for you to lean on. 🙂

Have a good un'

Cameron

Castle very suprised to hear you nearly left the site last week and thank god you didnt because 4 me your so important to this site always supporting others.

I wont give you advice on the other thing but it is obvious it is getting you down.

I suppose one way of looking at it maybe what advice would you give to someone else if they wer in your position.

Take care

Hi Castle

Just reading your last post and thinking I could have written that!

Like you, gambling is far from my thoughts but there are these constant mental battles that I am facing that have nothing to do with gambling. Thinking out loud, perhaps they are magnified now since we no longer have the mask that was gambling?

I am thinking that I have nothing to offer this site in terms of gambling because I am finding it hard to focus on the positives of not gambling.. but perhaps that is part of the process? Perhaps everything we ever hid from is now making it's way to the forefront and is probably accentuated to the point that it all becomes quite overwhelming.

I think the key to stopping gambling or more to the point, staying stopped, is learning new behaviours that help us to deal with and overcome issues that we previously hid from.

I'm not sure what I am trying to say or even if I am helping you Castle, but just wanted you to know that you are not alone in the way that you are feeling and that perhaps we are now feeling the less obvious (but equally destructive) effects of our gambling pasts?

I guess we need to learn how to deal with them but finding the strength to do it is a different matter!

We will get there though Castle.. I am sure of it!

LMM

HI Castle,

thanks for the post, Sorry to hear you was thinking about leaving the site but glad your still here. You have so much to offer this site and i hope you stay around, your so supportive of other people and i can relate to lots that you post. For me stopping gambling has been pretty easy its the fall out from stopping that i have found so difficult, facing up to things, looking at my behaviours, being honest with myself and to get out into the real world and start living it again. I find that like "One day at a time for gambling" I use this to say that "Just for today I will not try and solve my life problems in one day, i will also take this one day at a time.

I posted the other day on someones diary i aliken it to peeling back the layers of an onion, keep peeling and you will get to the core of castle in time.

Keep going my friend.

Blondie day 43 x

Hi Castle, thank u 4 ur kind words on my diary 🙂

Sorry 2 read that u were having a tough time, i'm glad u r feeling better 🙂

Stay strong 🙂

Yo,

I take a slightly different view on what you have said and hope my friend you do not mind me sharing it with you.

I came to this site due to the mess my life was due to gambling. I no longer gamble , but know that most of things that led me to gamble were in my life. I gambled to escape. I need this site to escape instead of gambling, I need to try to understand the feels I have and use this site as a sounding board.

I now come here not cause I want help to stop , but because I want help to stay stopped.

I will write most days , about my life up and downs , some people will read it some won't . But I do it for me.

You must do what's best for you, you will probably log on here in 10 years time and there will be the fairy still talking nonsense , but I hope still gambling free.

Take care my friend , I would miss you soooooo much if you decided to jack in this site. But it's your choice at the end of the day, hope you did not mind me sticking my two penny worth in. You know it's cause I care.

Dusty xxxxxx

Hi castle

Leave this site 🙁

Serious castle , what dusty said is so true .

This is our journey and yes we came here to stop and I for one will continue to stay because I want to remain bet free

My escape too was gambling and I knew the only way I could stop and now know remain stopped was to address all the issues so I will continue to write about what's happening in my life because that's my journey to remaining bet free

So castle it would always be what's right for you. I for one would miss you , who would take the *** out of me ?

Keep strong , keep training , one day oh one day you'll get past the old dear !

I also want to know when you reach your peak of physical fitness lol So as that could be a while you have to stick around !

Unfit fell walking ,Lucy

Hi Castle, thanks for your support the other day and sorry to hear you're going through a rough patch at the moment. You're not alone. Us gamblers often hide behind gambling to deflect reality. You're not gambling now so you're facing everything head on, this will be both mentally and physically draining but if you want to come through it you have to dig deep. You're not being negative you're amongst friends who more than understand. Life is and can be very frustrating when you hit that 'brick wall' where you feel you can't get through it, but honestly one way or the other you do, in that time just protect yourself. The wheel is continually turning one minute you're at the bottom the next you're at the top. You will find the strength to overcome other areas of your life, we all will, it'll seem slow and painful getting there but get there we will, we all will. Remember you're amongst people who understand, care and are on the same frustrating journey, take care, Steve.

hi Castle.... sorry to hear you re leaving, but you need to do what you need to and what you reckon is good for you... if this is the case, then don t hesitate... if you can stay gamble free, so some time ago was probably unbelievable, then you can overcome almost any problem life throws at you (as long as it may be fixed just by yourself)... whatever you decide, all the best and take care. K.

Thank u once again for everyones support , as many people av said this site is bout writing ur feelings down and saying it exactly like it is

At that precise moment in time when I said I thought bout leaving this site that's how I felt and for a few days or so either side , lookin back it was just a dark period tryin to sort a problem out that I knew deep down I couldn't sort out yet so has before I would av gambled to hide from it , now I can't and it's full on and I av to deal with it and to be honest I didn't do it very well I vented my frustrations out on this site

This site means the world to me and has helped me so much more than I ever could av realised and that's down to all the support on here and the many friends I av made

I used the words friends loosely which saddens me at time as we build up such strong relationships on here with the reality we will never meet the people who av helped each other to turn our lives around

At times I can get carried away and av to reign myself in and rethink what I am about to post and then try to relate it back to gambling which really sometimes that's what we are tryin to get away from but know that's the reminder I need to why I am on here

I am a compulsive gambler and I want to forget that but don't want to forget that if that makes sense . I read on someone's diary sometimes along the lines that gamblers don't gamble when they no they can't beat it and gamblers gamble when they think they av beat it and that phrase really sums up why I can never forget

The diet and exercise is goin ok lost 4 and half pounds which is a good start , still focused and motivated on that front despite a tough week last week

On a late today and an nearly tomorrow so will post more tomorrow

Thank u once again for everyones support without u I wouldn't be where I am and that's something I will never forget

No gambling.

Plenty of exercise.

The right diet.

All of the above sounds really good to me, you must feel that you are in a much better place right now.

Long may this continue!

NT

Hey Buddy,

It saddened me to see your diary on page 3. I hadn't read your post from yesterday morning I just noticed you were not on the first two pages. I thought I will see if there was a post I had missed!

Fortunately, it turned out I didn't need to be sad about page 3 (Blokes love page 3) it was just an early one yesterday and prob a late one today! Actually, your last post was excellent the kind of post I really want to put out there myself sooner rather than later.

Totally relate to the part about building such solid friendships here and then realising there is unlikely to ever be a face to the diary. That can be quite a sad thought but on the other hand maybe it's why it works we get deeply personal without ever getting personal. Just a thought!

Anyway, nothing to deep today really just a heads up that we look out for you when you disappear from page 1!

Flagg

Castle,

I have been missing for a few days and have missed a great deal. I am sorry you are having a bad time recently and from a selfish point of view I would be gutted if you left. Your support for me has been magnificent right from the start, which I really appreciate.

I really do hope things pick up. You come across as such a decent guy and you have had to deal with so much lately. I believe good things happen to good people and I think great things are just around the corner for you.

Great to hear you doing well with the diet and excercise. I am also working hard at my fitness and losing a little weight. I'm running a race on Sunday and this is part of my build up to my half marathon.

Just to let you know, I have tried to post three seperate times on my diary recently and haven't been able to type a word. I don't know what to write about anymore. Sometimes I feel as though I am being too repetetive. I don't get urges to gamble and I am happy with my progress and recovery but I am defo not applying myself in the same way as I was previously.

Sometimes I wonder if we are all worrying about other things in our lives because the main thing that caused so much grief is no longer there. We have both went a long time without a bet and this may take more getting used to than first thought.

Tomso.

Evening,

Not so sure what I want to say but wanted to post something.

Well done loosing the weight, will be watching you progress like a hark.

I am glad you are seeing things a bit differently. Like you said you build up a bond, and if you had of left I would wonder did Castle ever take his council long training , who does FP want to win BGT, but most importantly did you stay gamble free.

Maybe I should change my name to nosy fairy, cause I am as interested in people's lives and how they cope what they achieve and I get something from them all

For someone who could not think what to write , lol

Take care

Dusty xxxx