reborn on the 4th July

Hi Castle, I am glad you are enjoying time with your daughter. This is time you never get back so enjoy it. Your recovery is going well too so never do back because ''normal'' things are so much nicer ! Have a good weekend.

Mark

Time with your daughter is precious.

And so much more precious when you are not gambling.

Have a great weekend.

GT

Thanks for everyones support

Just got in from work its so much easier Saturdays when working no temptation with all the sport on used to love soccer Saturday but lookin back now I was in a trance for 2 hours ignoring everyone around but the adrenaline rush was so addictive just like the gambling god the heartache at 450 when an injury time goal went in my money snatched from my hands it was mine I would snap at my daughter wanting to blame

someone of course except myself I was just so unlucky if alone I would rush straight out I needed to win my money back and of course on the few occasions when I won I wanted win more I was on a roll a lucky streak - god how stupid I was but I can only see that now I'm recovering , I half heartedly watch soccer Saturday now but a thought does go out when that last minute goal goes in knowing it will av ruined someones day and not a gambler but a partner a son daughter or any family or friend , why would I ever want to go back to that sort of life life is so much better without gambling in it

Amother day and it feels good to wake up in the mornin without that realisation of all the money I had lost the day b4 not to av to go through all the finances and recalculate how much I had not got but worse all accepting what has happened not holding myself accountable for my actions and wanting to gamble again to win the money back I had lost not remembering the previous 20 or so years and all that next had lost , one of the key words of advice I will always remember is except ur losses they are gone this helped greatly when I relapsed and was able to turn it round and not keep on chasing the results could av been devastating but I survived and I will beat this disease

Had a good weekend worked both days but don't mind. , weekends are always the hardest so it keeps my mind busy , off tomorrow but got plans so should be another good day will av hit the 4 week tomorrow looking back its gone really well had a sticky patch when I was off for a week. But got through it was good to fight the urges still taking it a day at a time but the determination is strong and I will beat this. Illness

Hi Castle, 4 weeks, thats a month done already ! I am glad you are seeing the benefits and believe me they get better as time goes by. Keep it up.

Mark

Hi Castle

Just had a catch up on how your doing,

How good does it feel to be 27days gamble free?? I know at times its not easy but we will get there, take it a day at a time and think about all the positive's of how you are now compared to where you was a month ago.

I dont know if you have thought about joining in the chat room but it is a good tool to be able to talk in real time to people who are in the same boat.

Take it easy mate

Shaun

Hi Castle,

I appreciate your post on my diary. I am new to this site and replied to your post on my diary by mistake. I have read through your diary and think you are doing brilliantly. Every day you will be getting stronger and will be better equipped to beat this. 27 days is fantastic.

Well done.

Tomso.

Feel a bit low today don't know why I av no reason to I guess u just get days sometimes like that , everyday is different it's a start of a new day but more importantly a gamble free day , goin to catch up on some others diaries and shake myself

Morning

Sorry to hear you are feeling low. We all get days like that, normal people do they just work through it I suppose. We look for answers, be blame our addiction when I think it is just life.

Get past today, hopefully you will feel a bit better tomorrow and will be that much stronger for getting through it.

Concentrating on the positive, look how far you have come already , a month ago you would not of thought it possible.

Take care

Dusty

Feel better today think it was mainly to do with work , its funny when I'm off work that's when there's urges and when at work no time to think and when finished again ether too busy with picking my daughter up or too tired to think bout gambling obviously all this makes sense has boredom was one of the reasons for gambling but hopefully moving forward been able to enjoy time off work without urges will come , for now though work plays a big part in my recovery and is helping me av a gamble free life , so off to work now

for a good long shift

Afternoon

Good to hear you are feeling better.

You have a good day. Just posted giving you a bit of fairy support lol

Dusty

Early start today . Feel positive today at the moment just can't see how I would gamble again I don't want to having no urges the thought of gambling turns my stomach , but my guard is up not letting complacency kick in I know those demons will try and catch me on a bad day , when the bad day comes I will be ready and I will fight

I always remember a conference I went on bout 15 years ago and there was a speaker who did a talk on positive thinkin he must av been good for me to remember basically he said every mornin get up think positively any problems worries say lo urself I will deal with this and mentally get ur brain ready for the challenges ahead other than worrying stressing and still having to deal with them

It always helps me with work I suppose it's like choosing ur attitude u can influence what other people's days are going te be like

To relatd this to gambling , we choose to gamble or not each day and that has effects on us and people around us , I wish it was that easy for us all

Today I choose not to gamble

You and me both.

Dusty

What a fantastic day my daughter came running in to my bedroom so excited so she should be its her birthday 8 today goin on 18 ! Can't believe 8 years has passed it felt so good for the 1st thoughts on my mind were for her and not how much I lost the day b4 not to av that sick feeling inside , my first gamble free birthday for her and many more to come like I av said b4 I don't want her growing up thinkin her dad is a gambler a loser with no money always watching sport not paying her no attention , fortunately I av always had a good relationship with my daughter I always took her to playgroup took her to play areas cinema every night it was me who read her a story .why ? Only my ex knows that all I can say that was one of the benefits of us splitting she now has a better

relationship with her and to be fair to both of us our daughter has had little effect on us splitting , we get on reasonably well but divorce is looming and it's what I want not lookin forward to the messy side which it will get I am gonna av to stand strong I av to all the dark corners I av been in the last 2 year's where the demons av find me and lured me into those awful places to hide all the pain and misery

No more I will be strong