reborn on the 4th July

Morning,

I agree with the last post. I have not told everyone nearest and dearest about my situation. Why , what would it acheive. Would I be doing it to clear my own councience, would I be doing to gain support, would I be doing it as they would then controll my finances to stop me gambling again.

That is the thing by telling certain people what will it achieve , will it cause them pain, will they understand, , I know not everyone will agree with this view, but at the end of the day only you know what is the right thing to do in your circumstances.

You are doing brilliantly , hope my little fairy follower is ok.

Take care

Dusty

Thanks guys can always depend on u , loads of food for thought can see exactly where ur both comin from at first use to blame my parents for the gambling but through counselling and the support on here there was no one else to blame but myself , what would it actually achieve tellin them ? All I want to achieve is not gambling anymore and build from there and that's what I am doin one day at a time

We are the only ones who can make the ultimate choices at the end of the day.

Keep making the right ones, eh?!

GT

Dude - thx. It's humbling to know I helped make a difference but ultimately, you're the one making your decisions. You should be proud of your consideration - in both senses of the word.

Have a great weekend.

Still feeling under the weather but better than yesterday had a good day at work , I do feel a bit low though not sure why cud be thinkin a lot bout money not so much now but know in a few months everything will av dried up and then it's divorce time which I av to do as at moment still paying half of mortgage and rent on flat then child maintenance and then all the bills for flat leaves me bout 200 quid to live on put bout 150 petrol in so got 50 quid for shopping , once divorce sorted the mortgage will save me 310 quid so life will be more manageable then , hardly any equity in house and that will prob go lo her , the money side of it doesn't bother me if I walk away with nothin I really don't mind I think that's due to all the money I av wasted over the years all I want is a fresh start , I think I am hoping the divorce won't get too messy which it shouldn't as long as we agree everything financially for me it's like my gambling losses accepting them and starting anew but deep down its gonna be stressful but again like the gambling. Demons I will fight , tomorrow is another day and I will see what that brings but like today I do know that I will not gamble

Hi

Hope you are feeling a bit more upbeat today.

I know it is difficult, trying not to think about the future , or to fixate on the past and what might have been.

Try to focus on today, I know that is easy for me to say, I am not in your shoes ( and they would not fit me anyway)

The past has gone and the future is still to be decided.

Life has a way of throwing curved balls that in a second can change things around as to what you thought was going to happen .

Take care

Dusty

Hi Castle,

Thanks for the post. I appreciate it and will always reply!

I relate a lot to your diary. Perhaps it's age, time spent gambling, what we chose to bet on etc. Very similar profiles. I used to blame others too. It's ok to have regrets but in the end, we can only blame ourselves. For choosing gambling to combat self loathing and depression in my case.

You are doing great at the moment. The days fly by. It gets easier to resist and the foolish person of past will seem so far away. As I said when you first started this diary, keep posting. You have and now you have become a valuable member/contributor to this great site of recovery.

Take care mate. IanB.

6 weeks past since last bet feels so much longer than that the days and weeks seem to fly by the urges are gettin less now and it is gettin easier , I fill my time better now and plan my days , complacency still scares me and never relax from that even though I know I won't gamble each day that comes I know I can't let my guard down , at the back of my mind I know Cheltenham is on this week and grand national coming up and all stuff I av bet on the last 20 year's my mind knows but do I just block it out and not think bout it or an I strong enough mentally to digest this and allow a thought to who won the gold cup a bit like reading the newspaper generally I always skip the racing

pages but something might catch my attention is it ok to read it without thinkin u can't do that ur a recovering gambling addict , ultimately the choice is ours each to our own I would like to think one day I cud read the racing page or watch a race without wandering if it would tempt me but for now it's still one day at a time and if it's like that in ten twenty year's then so be it I determined not to go back to all that misery

Hi

You are doing just great, I used to panic if people would ask me to go into the national sweep stake at work. Would the mere mention have me running to a bookies. I think we take slowly, this is a tough week for GCs who gambled on Cheltem.

I would avoid it, but also prepare yourself that it will be on the news, talked about at work and in the papers.

Will there be tougher challenges ahead, probably but you can get through this one and that will help shore up your defences for the next one.

Take care

We both chose not to gamble today and that was the best choice for us both.

Dusty

Unity is strength, knowledge is power.

May we become stronger each day and whatever we learn on our journey be our power we have over our demons.

Have a good shift mate.

IanB.

Good long day at work so mind kept busy , so full of cold though feel drained I hate been ill get very frustrated so off to bed and hope I feel better in mornin , not thought too much bout Cheltenham just saw bits in paper and on radio driving home , tomorrow is another day see what that brings again all I know is I won't gamble

Hope you feel better soon castle!

I avoided Cheltenham like the plague today.. Didn't even switch my tv on until this evening. First time in 20 years I haven't watched it or bet on it for that matter!! Let's make sure we're saying the same thing at the end of the week!!

Take care and be proud of yourself!

Still full of cold just finished work back up at 5 for work sounds bad well the good side I didn't gamble today not one thought I'm mentally strong but physically wiped out gonna read and post more tomorrow

Hi,

Hope you are feeling a bit better, and are not working too late today. Try not to work too hard , I know it is easier said than done, particularly with your out goings.

I would defo find one of my triggers was tiredness , feeling that I needed to escape from the world and all the pressures it threw at me.

You are doing brilliantly ,

Take care

Dusty

Get well soon mate