Recovery of kram

Enjoy your relapse - sounds like an excuse to not 100% commit to recovery.

Hopefully not the first of many

Most definitely not! Just a build up towards that big day for me, having done 39 days GF recently I know I can do it, just wanna have that one last hurrah before I make the 100% commitment, as it were, I will go into it 6 days GF, and will most likely not enjoy it as much as I did before.

whilst I appreciate and understand your comments, I firmly believe that I have this, and look forward to having the support of all GamCare users throughout my journey.

I know i can do it but still want another gamble.

Not sure you can as you keep leaving the door open.

Your recovery i suppose but the addiction has got you exactly where it wants you to be. 

Mood swings are normal from those trying to beat the addiction. They dont go away but fester in the background until they are ready to be fed again.

I wish you every success in recovery and hope you can find what is right for you.

Best

Thanks 

Hello Kram

We just wanted to respond to your post because, as other users have pointed out, what you are doing is very risky in terms of your recovery.

Please do contact us on the Help or NetLines if you find yourself needing any help, info or support.

We hope that other forum users understand why we have left this post in (albeit slightly edited). We absolutely don't want to trigger anyone, but forum users need to be able to be honest about where they are at and this can open up fruitful forum discussions, so whilst we don't support what you are doing, Kram, we want others to be able to offer feedback and support to you.

Best wishes
Forum Admin

Many thanks for your kind words, I understand both sides of the coin, and whilst I sit her 4 days gamble free, it may be that I do not have my “planned relapse”? 

Perhaps it is just part of the bigger strategy for me, and I know that because of deposit limitations I can do it in a controlled manner.

judgements should not be made of those when the journey is not known, I am right at the start of my journey, looking to learn and put a strategy into place.

the support I have received from most members on this site is really positive and helpful, and I’m extremely glad that I joined

Kram... Please dont have a relapse!! its the worst thing you can do!!! Been there done that numerous times always with disasterous results.... Mentally emotionaly and always come thousands of pounds lighter. I do believe you have to be rock bottom for you to suceed in been gamble free. This illness that i call gambling will never be cured and im stuck with it.... the only thing i can do is arrest my problem and take my medicine each day by coming on these sites and reading each and everyones messages. By reading yours kram im grateful and glad ive not got the feelings you have because i know there us only one outcome and i know its not what i want. Youve got to want to stop and i know you can because your on here. Best of luck my friend. Just please take the advice ive mentioned. If you really want too stop you can. At the end of the day it all boils down to you.

Paul

Thanks Paul,

 I appreciate your kind words, as things stand I’m ok with everything, not sure what the immediate future will bring, but know I feel more in control than I ever have.

perhaps I’ve not hit rock bottom yet? Perhaps I’m recognising an issue and trying to address it before it becomes a problem? I don’t really know? What I do know is that I’m being brutally honest in what I feel and do, whether it be positive or negative, I am here to support as well as be supported.

Well said Kram. Thats what you have to be is brutally honest with yourself. You know everyone is here to support you. Im just saying it from my point of view and my experiences. Each and everyone of us are different at the way we tackle things. I was mentally very weak but maybe your alot stronger han me. Good luck mate 

Hi Kram,

Please accept my apologies if i offended you with my previous comments. It was a 100% honest statement from me that in hindsight should have been worded better.

Best wishes

Bal

No worries bal, honesty is the best way in all things on here, your comments will be there for my entire journey, and are something that I will be able to use to positive effect many times over I expect.

all experiences good and bad should be shared, and so long as honesty is expressed then nobody can bear a grudge.

its all cool mate, I hope to one day reach your impressive gamble free figure.

kram

Ok, so I have today had my “planned relapse” and boy I wish I didn’t! 

so I woke up at 02:00 this morning, knowing that I would have been paid overnight I sat up wide awake with the first thought in my mind, “hey let’s just have £50”

we all know the outcome so let’s cut a long story short, despite thinking I had put a limit in place of £250 it was actually £500, and yes, I used it all!

once I had made my last deposit, admittedly in pure desperation and chasing losses, I immediately installed Gamban.

too little too late some may say, but I’ve done it now and today is my reset!

many whom have read my story so far will rightly say “I told you so” for the record I will not be bothered if you say it to me directly or even think it for that matter.

i have made this decision, and yes I wish I didn’t, but I have now seen gambling in the light that I needed to see it, there is no win for regular guys like you and I, just enhancing the lifestyle of the fat cats at the top, the rich getting richer and poor poorer.

i sit here, perhaps feeling sorry for myself and wishing I’d made a better decision, but that is the joy of hindsight, and we all know about that all too well.

so now my immediate hope is that I can add to this thread in a few days and update you all with a somewhat more cheery and successful post, about how I’ve gone X amount of days gamble free now, and how I’m feeling much better.

but for now I don’t feel great, however it was my decision, and I will stand by it, and accept all consequences.

kram

Kram, I am sorry that you had to go through this last night. Great that you installed gamban straight away. Hold on to how you feel after your relapse. It will help going forward. Wishing you all the best with your recovery. 

Don’t be sorry for me murlo, it was self inflicted, but it gave me insight into what I really am, a gambling addict.

i often wonder if it will make things better or worse by telling my wife? My next plan now is to get my strategy put into place as to how I can battle this addiction going forward, I have some ideas, but have to speak with various people to make sure they are happy to help me.

when my wife goes to work tonight I will be making all the necessary phone calls to gamstop etc to do the most I can to make sure I don’t succumb to this horrible addiction ever again.