Regrets, I've had a few, but then again....

Ryan - you've done the right thing my friend - posting on here will help give you some sense of accountability and help to build momentum as we fight this together.

My day 1 was yesterday and I must admit I didn't feel great - but I didn't gamble. I know from previous that time will help with this.

I had 12 months away from the online casinos, what drove me back was loosing money in stocks and shares - I couldn't handle it.

As I sit today, I've signed over all my money to my wife, am making arrangements to get rid of credit cards and have written to all the gambling websites I have used to self exclude and remove myself from their mailing lists - certainly helps.

My point - take some steps to make it harder for you to go back to it. If you have no access to money, it makes it impossible to gamble.

Stay strong today.

Hi Ryan

Every single word of your post, I could have written about myself - and I don't know how much I would have in common with you otherwise, as a woman in my late 30s. Which shows me something about how all-destructive this addiction is, that it treats us all the same and makes us all feel just as horrible.

Well done for coming back to the forum and getting back on the road. Try to see your recent gambling slips as the exception in a few years of really healthy work at recovery, years which will now continue as you return to "health" after an episode where the old addiction briefly got the upper hand.

That's the only way I can live with myself when I have a slip (which I am still doing from time to time in spite of much progress over the last year). If I see myself as a "hopeless gambling addict" whose natural state (continuous gambling) I am constantly trying to resist, the whole fight is just too exhausting. If I see myself as a healthy person who just needs to avoid repeating this incredibly addictive behaviour in order to live a happy life, it seems easier and I feel calmer about it.

Anyway I don't know if that helps, but just wanted to acknowledge how much what you said resonated with me.

FF

Hi Cactus and FF,

Thanks for your posts today, I'm feeling pretty useless to be back at Day 1, but it also feels like the burden of chasing losses and waiting for wins is off my shoulders.

As i try to settle things in my head and plan the next month and year, I've done a bundle of freelance work today. It's a small step to paying off the latest losses, but its a start.

I know what you mean about thinking of myself as a 'hopeless gambling addict' FF, and I would use much worse language describing myself if I wrote it down fully.

Day 1 is still gamble free, so I guess that's a start, and it is going to continue that way.

Thanks for your support, and hope everyone's Sunday is going as well as it can be.

Ryan

Ryan

fella I remember like yesterday reading your diary when i found this forum, yours amongst many gifted me a belief that there is another way to live without the constant hangover gambling gave.

today i hope to gift the same to you.

you cannot change the past, it's done.

but tomorrow you have a choice.

the same one each and every one of us has.

to arrest our addiction, to lift the fog that gambling brings and actually see life.

Yes there are shi##t days but one things for sure there is less without gambling in them.

use that mouse again for a purpose, your recovery.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

hello my welsh friend,

get them stabilisers back on your bike for a wee while and get back pedalling.you know the script.

best wishes and good luck

winning post.

Hi guys,

Day 3 today, and I guess it's been an interesting couple of days. No gambling, lots of work, and that feeling of a head clearing like a really bad hangover, and the mess of what I've done all around me. Not to worry, clean up, dust myself down and on to the next challenge.

Great to see you still about wp, I was wondering if you would still be around. Unlike me, I didn't have any doubts that you'd be suckered in again. Also, thanks duncan for the support.

I'm toying with the idea of giving myself a year to clear the debt and put a few grand aside before quitting work and going travelling again. I have major itchy feet, and work seems to be floating along with very little changing day to day and month to month.

All the best

Ryan

Hi Ryan - glad your still bet free.

Day 4 now completed for me - feels good to have the sense of clarity back and having been able to talk to my wife about it.

Im focusing my energy on work and DIY - nice to feel I'm useful and making progress on things.

The risk for me will come several weeks down the line - when some of this initial pain has passed, reminding myself of the downsides and not being tempted back in on the premise that i'll behave differently (which of course I know I won't!). I need to plan ahead for that and how I maintain my consistency - I think these diaries and forums are helpful - give a sense of responsibility and accountability + a constant reminder of what's gone before.

If I was a kitchen garden I'd have loads of weeds and no thyme.

As it is, time is still the problem, and after work has taken up so much this week, I arrive at the start of day 8 in a tired, but generally optimistic mood. Gamble free... and with no dangerous thoughts yet, but I know that's not the way this insidious disease works in me. Thanks for your support cactus, I hope to find some time on Monday evening to have a good read of the diaries, and see how everyone else is doing.

All the best guys, stay strong.

Ryan

Hey well done Ryan on 8 days keep up the strength mate we can all beat this if we want 🙂

The bear

Hey Ryan

Good to hear from you.

Sorry that its for the wrong reasons.

I dont have to tell you it gets easier because you have already had a long stint of being gamblefree.You also know that this diary section will help you massively.

Im still here after almost 4 years and im not ready to leave yet.

I like your way of thinking (travelling).it gives you a purpose and a target.

Stay strong Jeff.

Hi guys,

Into Day 10, and the small milestones are already starting to add up. As we're into stoptober, I've decided to let the booze go for a month, as it is often a linked problem as I can be reckless and a less than responsible person.

Nice to hear from you too Jeff...you know you're right that stopping posting and sticking around on here reduces your willpower. It may not do it straight away, but every time I have, eventually gambling has found its way back into my life.

All the best for the rest of the week.

Ryan

Hi leedso, excellent progress you're making, keep up the good work ! Thanks for your comment on my diary, much appreciated. About being happy, I am taking the view that happiness will arrive in due course, but meanwhile by not gambling I am at least ensuring I don't go down into misery again. So every day is a step further away from that misery which therefore must be a step towards happiness ! Keep calm and carry on !

Hi Ryan, sorry to hear that it's a struggle at the moment. You know the deal, you've done it before and you can do it again. As we all know, it's always with us. I sit here at an airport looking directly at a fruit machine! Just recognize the urge and ignore it. Take care Russ

Well, according to my rather sketchy maths, I think this is Day 13, and I'm determined its not going to be unlucky for me.

Not really had much time to think about gambling, as you say Russ its always there, but its staying back in the shadows of my mind at the moment. It's been a long old week too, I've just changed from working three and a half 10 hr shifts a week to the standard 9-5, and the week has really dragged. So glad the weekend is here. Looking forward to a nice weekend of freelance work, football and long sleeps!

Hope all are well and fighting the good fight against this horrible nemesis.

Ryan