Selfish and addicted baastard

Soon there is going to be a month since I have gamble. 

There is a long Easter weekend and I am going to enjoy it.  Watching films and also I have planed a trip.

Regarding gambling urges, I don't have any, but also I've never been a "everyday gambler".

GAMSTOP really helped me not to think about gambling, I highly recommend to subscribe to you.

I also read on this website, not like the first few days, bit I read new posts every 3-4 days.

I've just had a catch up with your story.  

Like you, I won't attend GA meetings.  I fear it would be career ending for me in my line of work! Others will disagree, and I guess that if i ever needed it, I could head out of town. 

Best thing for me is to GAMBLOCK, visit here regularly, share stories and challenge one another to stick at it. Enjoy the Easter weekend and I challenge you to reach 100 days!

Hi One of you

I am new to the site.  I just joined yesterday.  Like yourself I have now excluded myself from all the websites via Gam Stop for 5 years.  I am recently widowed. My husband passed away in February.  My gambling became a distraction.  I wasn't focussing on my game play.  I wasn't focussed on whether I won or lost.  It was merely something different to look at to take away the pain.  I have gambled for years.  Started in the arcades.  A little extra money for nice things.  moving onto online bingo in 2004. Before moving to online slots.  Never played anything else as I didn't understand them or to how play.  Stuck with what I thought knew.  Turns out the only thing I know is how to be a sucker and loose money.  I've has more of a loss over the years than a win.  As I said it came to a head for me with the loss of my husband.  Company picked up on it and called me when I was excessively gambling.  Explained about my husband and advised in light of this, I should exclude myself from gaming.  I agreed.  Stupid me thought this was across the board.  Few days later found myself able to log into another site.  Excessively deposited, they never picked up on this.  Until I contacted and advised them I had excluded myself.  They panicked and closed my account there and then. 

I'm now going to do one day at a time. Like you, I can't do meetings.  Fear of someone being there I know.  I don't mind talking this way.  Just not face to face.  I'm not ready for that. Good luck to you on your journey.

Just a short update, one month gamble free. I am going to bed now, I have to wake up tomorrow early for a Easter trip, I will write you in few days, longer post: how i am feeling, what I am doing...

When you gambled huge amounts, you mention it was usually after leaving parties early to gamble etc. Do you mind me asking were you on drugs when this happened or just drinking? Sorry if it's a personal question but your story seems very similar to my own.

Happy Easter.

I have never did drugs in my life. Usually I was drunk 

Hi all, just a quick update.

I have not been gambling over a month, I do not have any urges and I drink less (considerably less). I don't know if I drank to gamble or I gambled to drink.

Anyway, GAMSTOP did the trick for me, I am not trying to cheat the system and I would never go to casinos or bookies (never been my thing)

I found my life much stress free and also I have more money and I'm trying to catch up with my friends, I'm feeling guilty for everything in the past, for all the parties I left early, for all the unattended parties...so now I always insist paying for the drinks, it is like my way of telling them "sorry".

At work I don't see any difference in performing, I was very good employee even when I gambled, those 8. 10 hours I was switching off and I was working hard. Maybe I was performing better when I was gambling, in order to stop thinking for the previous night loss I was working harder. I don't know, I will have to wait and see on my next review.

I start watching a lot of series on Netflix, started following politics, reading and I clean my home every weekend. I couldn't do it in the past, I either had a hangover or I was feeling so down when I loose money, that I didn't want to do anything.

In the next period I have few holidays lined up. It is amazing how much you can save and what can you afford when you don't gamble. The life is beautiful, small things make you happy, such a sunny Easter 4 days off, 2 days trip with your friends.

However, I'm a gambling addict and I know it and I always going to be. I'm afraid of the addiction, I respect the addiction like a very dangerous enemy and I will do absolutely everything not to gamble again. It is very likely that I will be addict all my life, but I can live with it. The guilt what I have done in the past is still present, I regret a lot of things, but I can not do anything about it right now, that's in the past. My biggest regret is: Why I haven't done this 5 years ago? I can't find the answer on that question - because there isn't. My only logical answer is: "there was not GAMSTOP 5 years ago", but I know that is not true. There was other mechanisms to stop it, I never use any of them!

So, that is in the past, I cannot change it, but show must go on. I will focus on the future and in the next period I will be extra nice with the people around me, trying to fix whatever relationship I broke in the past and lies I told them. At some point after a year I will tell them everything. To my family and my friends, I will tell them the truth. Right now I can't do it, I still feel very much ashamed of my actions.

Thank you for reading.

Amazingly refreshing honest story!! Very brave to speak so openly about your vulnerability!  It's so authentic and I can relate so so much to everything you have  said.  The early days of hurt and using gambling to avoid dealing with emotional pain.

I wish you success on your journey going forward and I have no doubt that you have got this and will go on to lead the enriched life that you deserve.

Thank you for sharing ?