Simply cannot do this anymore

@adam123  Cheers Adam,  that is good to know.  My urge to gamble comes about 10pm, not the best time to hit our local Park lol....  I would end up in an even more dodgy position if you knew our area lol.  But you are right, diverting to something more positive when you get the urge is essential. 

I find working out is helping.  Good job as well as I am eating more since stopping gambling.  Like I need to get a fix of something!  Apparently taking cold showers increases dopamine as well but I always chicken out.

23 days GF now.  I know if I get to 30 days I will have cracked it.

@adam123  Cheers Adam,  that is good to know.  My urge to gamble comes about 10pm, not the best time to hit our local Park lol....  I would end up in an even more dodgy position if you knew our area lol.  But you are right, diverting to something more positive when you get the urge is essential. 

I find working out is helping.  Good job as well as I am eating more since stopping gambling.  Like I need to get a fix of something!  Apparently taking cold showers increases dopamine as well but I always chicken out.

23 days GF now.  I know if I get to 30 days I will have cracked it.

lol ur very funny, like it......haha......yes 10pm......inside you tube work out? i often do late......visit gamcare and read diaries? i often do that....and also i love spotify can check out ur favourite and new bands and djs for free and chill at same time as both?  new habbits.... new lifestyle.... well done mate smash thru that month mark......adam

Got to 32 days GF and blew is....  I had the conversation with my Gamcare councillor about how well I was doing and agreed to close my file.  They warned me to not be complacent and keep vigilant.

Then, that night, I blew it....  How the hell can I come back from these losses?  

I am drinking every night and I think this is why I spiraled and lost control.

3am I was betting over and again like a mad man.  Could have paid off one of the credit card at one point but blew it all.

The one withdrawal I made got confiscated as the casino say I broke their terms with size of bet.  They are a dodgy non UK casino.

I get paid this Monday and was setting aside some of it to pay off some debt but have now spent twice of what I was going to pay off.  I am months backwards.

I took a tablet of valium just to sleep at 5am... Managed 2h sleep and now feel absolutely terrible, hungover, worn out and empty and racked with guilt and anxiety.  I wouldn't wish this feeling on anybody.

I don't want to be around family or eat, I just want this feeling to go away.  I can't believe I am back to this point.  All the hard work gone.

I am in bed right now while family is downstairs, and told the wife that I think I have a drink problem, not even mentioned the gambling l, before the kids got up.  I don't think she got the point, just looked shocked and said she didn't realise I drank heavily every night and how bad that was for my health.  I told her it was a reaction to stress and before long she has internalised it as a personal attack on her that she causes the stress and it's her fault I drink! Not what I was saying.

I just can't believe I have let it get to this point....  Behind the scenes I am dealing with a horrific gambling addiction, alcohol dependence, anxiety from mounting secret debt and other self destructive behaviour that I can't even write.  I just want to be okay.  For me and family.

Everything is a massive mountain right now.  I feel so sick.

Dear @thebean,

I'm sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time with everything, it is never too late to move forward and get support for everything you have spoken about. 

You may find it useful to take a look at the NHS in regards to your alcohol use, it will hopefully provide you with some support - https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/alcohol-advice/alcohol-support/

Relapses are very common in gambling addictions, I know it might not feel like it right now but you can absolutely overcome this with time. 

Please remember we are always here to talk on the helpline 0808 8020 133 and our 1:1 Livechat, both are open 24 hours every day.  

Thank you for posting and please do continue to share. 

Best wishes, 

Sophie C

Forum Admin.

@forum-admin

Thanks Sophie.  I will check out the NHS link.

I genuinely thought the pain and misery from gambling was over.  This has hit me very hard.  Feeling better than I did this morning but I feel as though I betrayed myself and everyone else.

It's hard to come to terms with what I have done.  I can't bear to look at how much damage I did to my credit card last night.