Sports betting addict and recovering

Two days away to my next paycheck. It will give me some strength to my finance. I won't be spending much these days due to the large amount of guilt I have from my betting losses. Also I postponed my most needed vacation due to the losses. I will try to consider about that vacation after several months. Yeah that's what gambling left me with. All the guilt, self-hate and financial hardship.

Tomorrow, I will go to a GA meeting for the first time. I don't want to go but I have to convince myself it is a part of my recovery.

I was thinking about the recent triggers that might send me back to betting. There are two in recent.

Number one is to chase losses. Since I am angry at myself for losing and the amount of money that I have lost is a lot, I want it back sometimes honestly.

Number two trigger is boredom. I often find myself lonely and very bored. And that moment I have an extreme urge to gamble.

If I have to review my last relapse that drained my two years of saving 13k, it started all with boredom. I have gotten out of relationship for 3 years and a few friends I have were busy with their life. So I kept checking on sports news to ease boredom. One day a friend started talking about stock market and how much she is making. All of the sudden, my gambling urge triggered after hearing that. I started betting on sports again even though I thought I got a good grip on not gambling after one year of gambling free. For many times, I educated myself what gambling can do to me and I also already had really bad experience with betting on myself. But still.... betting sneaked into my life again.

After all that last relapse happened, I now have a bit of urge to chase what I have lost because it took me two years to save those money.

Hi Merlins,

thanks for your post, you and I are alike then, I always turned to gambling when I was upset or depressed. It's taken me months to get where I am but I'm so fragile that someone only needs to hurt me and I go backwards again. Not eating or sleeping properly, not cleaning, not shaving etc etc, it is just **** all we want is to feel normal but it certainly helps me that I am not gambling, at least I can see small progress financially, I'm just isolated and lonely. Keep srong buddy.

Wilsy

Thank you, Wilsy.

Hi merlins & welcome to GamCare!

Great steps already taken and it sounds like you accept the reality and how devastating this addiction can be!

I read you have been g free for a year previously so I suppose your question on my thread don't really need broad answer as you know yourself how better things gets after long period of g free ☺

Financially, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. ..of course life goes on with ups and downs but I find that the motivation is slowly coming back now. Setting goals is also very important as it helps you to concentrate on other things!

Well done for starting a diary! Keep posting, there is plenty of support out there.

Also practical blocks as self exclusions, blocking software, attending GA or taking free GC counselling on is always boosts the strength and helps us educate ourselves better about our behaviour ☺

You're not alone & welcome again!

Progress, not perfection...keep taking it one day at a time!

S&B xx

Hi

Try and not beat yourself up. The money has gone and it won't come back from gambling industry. You need to accept this and move on. I know it's not easy.

I was the same. I saved hard, got mortgage...& then I just lost my goals/ focus which led me back old ways. To be honest, It's progressive and my last episode saw me in debt (never had one before). It's not something to mess about with as it is our life on the line. The horrible horrible days of counting pennies to buy a loaf of bread will stay with me forever!

So yeah, accept loss, try and focus on something you find interest in and commit to not gambling again. Don't look too far, staying in the today is enough. Everything will slot back into places in time, Rome wasn't built in a day, we cannot recover from all of this in such short time either 🙂

Stay strong, you're doing well!

Ps. I know you may be scared and ashamed but sharing this with your loved ones might help. It's almost impossible to do this on your own. What many on here found daunting (me included), turned out the best way forward..."the stone off your chest" Is the feeling I could describe the best! Your loved ones can get support also so please at least think about it.

S x

I don't go out these days even on my dayoffs. It coule be the depression that last betting spree gave me or it could be I am simply depressed. All I know is I still have a will to turn the situation around. So I will settle with that thought. I will go out and will enjoy my life again when I am ready.

I have paid 75% of my bills for this month. I am trying to think of the last relapse as an enpensive vacation with a valuable life lesson so that I can be a bit more relaxed on the loss. Also I am aware that there is an urge to chase the loss back. Being alone and not willing to go out give me another urge to gamble.

I don't want to go out until I see some money in my bank account again. On the positive light, my life is more organised since I stopped betting five days ago and being in the forum and seeing people with similar experience give me a great relief. My suicidal thoughts diminish as well.

So today is my fifth day on not betting.

Hi Merlins,

want to post to you this morning as you and I are very alike, if it might help, maybe you and I can be friends on facebook or something, let me know would be happy to talk with you more or give you my number if it might help.

I don't go out either only to my mums, I don't see any of my masses of friends and it is depression mate, so maybe it might be best to go and see the gp and get yourself on some antidepressants to just take the edge off things for you, 20mg will do it. I too just have the will to remain gamble free even though the rest of my life is f****d. If I go back to gambling I could just begin going downhill again rapid and then comes the thoughts of ending it, that is a place I don't want to return to.

On a positive you have paid 75% of your bills for the month, I have taken great satisfaction managing my own money again and paying out over 75% of my bills on payday every month including paying family back and my debt management plan, keep doing this, leave yourself as little money as possible but enough so you don't feel stressed or depressed.

There will be urges when we are alone and sitting around, try watching a TV series or playing a computer game, that is what I do, I am not at the stage yet where I can move or go on walks or go to the gym or even clean my place so I play football manager on my laptop and watch mafia series, Gomorra, El Chapo and Narkos are ones to try if you like that sort of thing, look them up.

Money will improve for you but if you feel for the time being that you want to stay in and not spend anything then that is your choice and a responsible one because I am doing the same although I buy f**s, chocolate, crisps and take aways far too often, you've got to have some things that makes you happy.

You have realised your life is becoming more organised and you are using this forum and getting support. I life with suicidal thoughts as well mate, they are absolutely awful but mine have faded through not gambling and yours will too once you get to 50 or 100 days gamble free.

Well done on 5 days, so early in your recovery, you will feel so much better in a few weeks I promise you.

Wilsy

Thank you, Wilsy. Your words are much appreciated. According to one of your suggestions, I decided to start taking my medicine again.

well done mate, good stuff, hang in there buddy I promise you will get through this and everything else

Wilsy

I have an urge because I am bored at work. I tend to forget about what gambling does to me when I have an urge.

Due to my depression, I have low energy and it takes a lot of effort to go work everyday. So sometimes I urge the high and excitement from betting to keep be alive and energetic.

Yesterday I got home from work significantly being tired. I got some sleep and woke up fresh. And I took my medication for second day. Since I have a lot time before I go to work, I want to bet. There are Premier League games today. Somewhere from my mind told me it would be nice if I get some money back from the losses. Part of me agree with it because it's too painful everytime I think about the losses.

Compulsive gambling messes up my movtivation to work and keeps making me to go back to make easy money back with betting. After losing that amount of money, daily work doesn't movitate me anymore since it will take years to recover from the losses by working a regular job. The losses will be haunting me for some period of time, no matter how I talk into myself.

These days while I am not betting I started thinking about my ex again and am depressed. It seems like gambling is an instant fix for everything like using drug. It numbs the pain.