Starting again.

Hi,

still I am trying to work out where I went wrong.

DAY 4.

Well it is starting to sink in what a fool I have been...I just hope I will make it to wherever I am going....God only knows.

GAMBLING IS, REPEAT!!! IS EFFECTING EVERY PART OF MY DAILY LIFE...I HAD A JOB INTERVIEW, YES ANOTHER ONE....AND I FELT THAT THEY DISCRIMINATED AGAINST ME, BECAUSE I KNOW I HAVE THE BRAIN TO GET THAT JOB...IN FACT I KNOW MORE ABOUT SPORT SCIENCE THAN THOSE IDIOTS EVER DREAMED OF...AND THEY SAID MY PERSONAILTY WASNT WHAT THEY WANTED...SO, I COMPLAINED ABOUT THEIR MANNER...ANYWAY, THEY DIDNT LIKE IT AND ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO CANCEL MY MEMBERSHIP WITH THEM...THEY ARE CHEEKY, I HAVE BEEN A MEMBER FOUR YEARS....I HAVE A HORRIBLE FEELING...... MAYBE I AM PARANOID...MAYBE I AM WOUND UP...MAYBE GAMBLING HAS CAUSED ME TO LOSE MY TEMPER.... MAYBE I CANNOT FACE THINGS AT THE MOMENT .. DEFINITELY THIS IS THE WORST POINT IN MY LIFE....AND DEFINITELY I WANT TO GET OUT OF THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!! IS IT POSSIBLE....????

I AM IN DEBT I HAVE NO WILL TO WORK BECAUSE £6 PER HOUR IS A INSULT....IM REALLY, REALLY P***** OFF....I WANT TO WAKE UP AND REALISE MY GAMBLING WAS DREAM AND THAT I HAVE THE CHANCE TO START AGAIN....PLEASE GOD...I WILL NEVER DO IT AGAIN.

Well done getting through another day.

Sorry your interview did not go well.

Keep plugging away, it will all work out in the end.

Just so long as we don't gamble.

Dusty

Thanks DF.

I watched that programme on the telly last night with that guy in it...the one from the real hustle...Guess what COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS ARE DIFFERENT FROM OTHER TYPES OF GAMBLER....it is true....The day I lost all of my money I actually won 2.5 k in the morning...OK SO, ? WELL JUST BEFORE I CASHED OUT THE 2.5K I ACTUALLY TRIED A LOW BET SPIN AND GUESS WHAT MY NUMBER CAME IN....ACCORDING TO BRAIN SPECIALISTS IT IS THIS KIND OF OCCURENCE THAT CAUSES THE MOST ACTION AND HIGHS IN A C'G S BRAIN (also,near misses.i.e neighbours bets, unbacked)....I GUESS THAT IS WHY I STARTED AGAIN ELSWHERE that day.....IT ISNT THE WINNING GUYS ....IT IS THE NEAR MISSES THAT make us want MORE....IT TOTALLY MAKES SENSE TO ME...

Easy--like you I sometimes think of all the money I have wasted and it makes me feel low. The thing is though there is nothing we or anybody else can do about it because it has gone and it sure as hell is not coming back.

When everything seems to be going wrong try to look forward and not back. I am one of those who believes that great times and really bad times are just imposters and most of our lives can and will be boringly level. It is just when things are good we fail to appreciate them as much as we loathe the lows when they are happenning to us.

Keep focussed on what is to come mate because that is something that you can actually influence.

All the best

Stumper

DAY 5. DAY 5. DAY 5. DAY 5.

Stumper....I agree and understand what you mean...

For instance, when I had the money, and everything I wanted, why is it that I could NOT EVEN ENJOY IT???... I look back though to just recently (not even 1 year ago) and tears come to my eyes, as to how I miss it?...I don't get why everything is like this...I suppose I was enjoying it, but I knew I couldn't hold on to that moment in time...So, YES!! Nature is quite boring and level..I am just glad I met 'Stumper'!! and could share the moments of loneliness, guilt and feeling down... thanks for that. Thing is, I kind of went without when I had the money, always trying to make other people happy(never works) going on diets (giving up treats?) being tight with money...Moaning about spending...being irritable....On the flip side, having what I want and not appreciating it...Not realising that many people have nothing...

I remember when I was a kid and I used to sit on the wall with my friends and we just talked 'priceless'..

I am really emotional...I have cried many tears in recent days...I have read many sad stories today, I feel like I should be helping others now and stop moping around feeling sorry for myself, ok, this country is a huge mess...the banks throw vunerable people into trouble..I used to be proud that I never ever had credit, I hated owing money and bills were something that I never wanted to be a part of..I always paid cash!! this system is designed to put poor people and rich in debt, yet the whole country is in debt? ...Debt leads to worry, stress and the end result is illness even death in severe cases....Yet still everyone says don't do it just stop...There has to be another way...For instance abolish the laws that they bought in....really fed up!!

'''I was happy when i had nothing....now i have nothing I am unhappy...only because i now know what is was like to have something''''....

GOING FOR A JOG, AS DAY 5 COMES TO AN END

Sorry to hear you are upset and emotional today. I tend to agree with you this country is in a real state and there are no regulations or protection. It is a daily struggle I agree, I haven't got any debt but I do know what is like to never have nothing and to struggle with the day to day life we live but we are lucky to be breathing and we must all soldier on. The biggest problem is debt for most on this site and because we are all gamblers, the position with debt that most are in, means they are forced to take out more loans, more credit and to even gamble again, it is unfair and some find there is no rest bite. I hope things pick up for you, try to pick yourself up.

My thoughts are with you.

Andy (Wilsy)

DAY 6 DAY 6 DAY 6

Thanks for your post, wilsy...It is a bad situation but we have to make the most of things I guess.

I had a dream about gambling...I dont know why...But it wasnt good, it was one of those near miss dreams about fruit machines and nudges I accidently pulled down a low win instead of a big one?...In the real world, I just wish I woke up from this living nightmare...Somehow I dont think that is going to happen...

Why cant government officials or bookie ownwers read this site and realise what they are doing?? Then put a percentage into research for the people who have a problem with this illness...If they dont want to do that...Then just give us our money back as a one off...All of us... And all of the money...After all they did steal it from us?? Or did they win it from us??? I aint sure.... One thing I do know...IM ON DAY 6 WOOO HOOO

Well done,

Getting to day 6 , I know it was not easy.

I hope every day it gets a tiny bit easier.

Stay strong

Dusty

I just opened my internet banking accounts...It is a horrible thing to see ...everything over drawn...I cannot handle it knowing that I have destroyed everything...IN ONE DAY...I WENT FROM BILLS SETTLED ...TO EVERYTHING GONE...????? STUPID OR WHAT.

Gutted.

I could of beaten gambling whilst maintaining what I had ....Now I have to beat it penniless.

Hi

I do honesty understand where your last few post are coming from. But for me I really do concentrate on sorting myself out. Yes I can blame the government, or casinos, Internet providers , I could go on.

I know it's tough to accept , but nobody put a gun to my head and made me walk into the bookies , stand for hrs at a machine and stuff £20 notes into it. Yes there needs to be some changes in this country , Will they happen in my life time probably not , so the only choice I have is to fight the addiction myself.

I do find it hard to post on your thread as I think we both come at this from different view pionts. Having said that all that really matters is that we don't have a bet today, and for me also not having a drink.

So today I choose not to gamble or drink,hope you will make the same choice and not gamble.

Dusty

Focus on YOU, mate.

The fact that you want to, and is desperate to, STOP is the real key to you surviving this recovery journey.

6 days is brilliant. Time IS a great healer.

Each day that you don't gamble will be another day towards getting making those debts disappear.

It WILL take a while. I am still a year away.

Stay very strong and very positive and go for double figures of gamble-free days.

GT

Thanks GT..

I suppose there is hope..I just need to grab it with both arms...Has anyone ever seen that film called Alien...well you know when those things burst out of your stomach when they hatch...Thats how it felt for me when playing those FOBTS...and I had really weird twitches too...That buzz is horrible...I still felt awful when I won...Definitely unhealthy ....I just wish I had realised sooner.

DAY7 DAY 7DAY 7 DAY 7

A week ago I had a lot of money at my disposal, this week I have my life back, without gambling...I would rather choose this life and let them keep the money for it is much calmer...

Easy to get my life back.