Starting again.

Hi,

After losing my job I am back after 2 years in SE Asia and Kurdistan...Well, over those two years I saved totally next to nothing...The good news is I haven't gambled for two years....I did, on the other hand, have a gamble last night..It was a very stupid thing to do..I actually dragged my missus into it and ended up losing around £500 of her money...I am really not felling to pleased with myself the guilt is immense and I'm back to sqaure 1, or at least that's how it feels.....I think getting it down and starting this diary again maybe the solution?

Easy.

Hi there two years is a great achievement and one you should be proud of. Sorry you lost your job but I'm sure something will come up soon enough. Good idea returning to the site. Get back to your diary and you can start on that journey again it's only a minor bump on a long road. Your doing great. You've made a mistake but you've come back on here meaning it'll stay a minor mistake and not a disaster. Keep up the good work.

It is scary returning to this kind of lifestyle and slipping back into those old habits..I had to get away from the country I was in though because it wasn't working out there either..The money was awful and I couldn't save..here it seems worse, in reality it ain't worse it's much better here...As long as I can break the cycle!? I hope so...I want this to be a new beginning and not go back to those awful places again!

Hi diary,

well I never thought I'd be back to square one chasing the same old losses....This time around it's different because I care about my missus, kids and my life...I'm not only killing myself I'm hurting them too...I have been so selfish and want to speed up the days, run away or just do something to replace the money...I feel worthless...I have started to think about numbers again? It's quite pathetic...I don't even know why I want to carry on with this type of behaviour?...

I'll start by saying....My missus has been so kind she gave me £300 quid and told me to put into my empty account...Well this morning I went to get a haircut and couldn't resist the bookies...I plundered the £300 and begged her for more..She gave me another amount which went in too..To add the insult to the injury a guy won a huge sum on the next machine I felt really angry...I usually wouldn't be like this..In fact I don't really want to talk about it, however, I feel so desperate...I cannot think what I'm supposed to do to get over this?? I wish I could just give her back all her money and give them what they deserve..I know I deserve nothing because it's my own fault...

I think tomorrow is going to be my first day of recovery...I will start posting again..I'm so sorry what I have done and can't explain it...I really want to explain it..All I keep going back to when arguing is; if only...if only...Like someone said recently I aint owed a penny It's all my fault because im compulsive...An idiot and want to make something positive come of this horrible loss and chase...

Hi, diary

I am back here after such a long time....This is it day one of the long haul to recovery...I am trying to face the demons...Lets just hope I can win this addiction..I slipped after two years and this time it is not even my money...So, I am looking for work and trying to do the right things...

Easy...

Day 2.

I feel much better. But I think I'll keep posting my thoughts.

Easy.

Now then man,

We supported each other before, think I was posting as Firstaid then.

You know what to do, keep posting and releasing your thoughts, and hand over your finances, self exclusion has also been important to me, don't think about it just do it.

You know you can go much lower than this, you know the depths gambling can take you, your not just gambling with money it's your full life as a stake.

Your vulnerable now but as long as your desire to abstain is high the days will soon mount up.

I believe in you, you just got to believe in yourself.

Keep The Faith.

Thanks for the much needed support FIRST AID/DEFEATED... I remember you...It is important to receive your input..I hope you are doing well..

I have not posted for couple of days..However, I have kept away from gambling which is good..I feel like a compulsive git at the moment..Strange because I don't have a job, but everyone in my house works..It is hitting me and I want to earn! I cant do it through gambling...

Easy £.

Day 6.

Today I have a £200 quid. It isn't much but it is a challenge for me to try and walk past the bookies without thinking of trying my luck. On the other hand, why would I want to win some money when I know I'll be back for more. Therefore, the best bet is to forget and move forward with life.

Easy li£e.

It seems easy...I think it's easy...At the time though it isn't especially if I start, because I cannot stop..

YOU CANNOT WIN BECAUSE YOU CANNOT STOP!

Can you guess why I'm posting? It's because I haven't tried hard enough..I have failed again..

Day 1 starts again from tomorrow. I'm so ashamed of myself.

My head is killing...Chasing losses ...

Easy.

Gambling immediately effects the families of gamblers

Whenever someone gambles, they are putting financial hope in the off chance that they will "win big" but with the odds stock piled against them... They do it anyway. This leads to out of pocket expenses that are totally unnecessary. They are ultimately taking the food out of their children s hands, taking away that paid bill and replacing it with bad credit. By doing this they are messing up their families, and causing problems in the household... All on the off chance of "winning big."

I NEED TO REALIZE THAT, I CANNOT WIN AND IAM BEATEN...

Day 1.

Let it be the last time..Please..

Easy life.

Hi,

I'm back here again...Firstly, I want to say I hope you have had a good Christmas everyone? For me everything was going well...I haven't beat gambling, however, I was on the up and winning money from those dreaded fobt's. Today was the opposite, I lost everything I had....

Let's start by saying, I secured a job in China after 3 months of me returning to the UK....However, I have decided after going through the visa process and allsorts, that I don't want to go there...So I announced on Christmas eve to my family, I'll stay put.....

Now, let's get back to today...Right yesterday I lost £210 in the bookies...I covered that today and was given a tip on which machine to play, however, I never won (although a mystery man did win straight after £1900) So, after I Left one of numerous local bookies... I had around £1500 in my bank/possession....Some cash, some card....Okay, I was supposedly on the way to the bank and decided to have one more punt...50 minutes later I had lost everything.....I decided to go home and tell my missus about a guy who won 1900 quid right besides me from absolutely nothing...Anyway, I couldn't be bothered to ask and just dipped my hand in her pocket and pulled out a huge wad of cash....I instantly ran down to the bookies in hope of getting that ever so sought after win...Guess what I lost that too....

On my way home I bumped into a screaming lady on the street...It was her, my missus...She wanted to kill me for stealing....I have never done this kind of thing before and I guess I was so desperate....I have no answer or idea why I did this...I was really destroyed and begged her for fogiveness..Not only am I a compulsive gambler I have stooped even lower today and stole//... :((

I just want to get my feet on the ground and bounce back to life again....I have no energy in my body left....

I am here penniless and unemployed, also, been trying to earn money from gambling...It was inevitable I was going to lose...My family and I predicted it...But I still continued to gamble despite all the warnings...Now, I'm just another statistic like everyone else who has been destroyed by these awful things...And I have only got myself to blame...I feel like I can't beat it...