Starting again.

Hi,

Something in the back of my mind I wanted to share,

well there seems to be people whom go into bookies and don't bet?...At least it looks like that..I couldn't be one of those people..

Another point is, I rarely lost in the bookies and everyone of those wino's used to beg money off of me....Because I was Mr big nine x out of ten walking away with grands in my pocket, even the bookie staff were P***** off...However, that 1out of ten is all it needed to take everything, and more for me to become completely broke and a broken man...

Something I want to share..

Gambling is gambling no matter how big or small

If I could just win the lottery on one single ticket it would be amazing....

On the other hand, I would be straight back to square 1 and once again the ball will be rolling, fueling that fire which got me here in the 1st place...

Total rejection of gambling is the only way a person similar to me can do it!

I take my hat off to people who can say they stay in control...

With the technology they have installed into the software these days you really don't have a chance..it really is all or nothing...Makes it sound easy.

Hi diary,

I have been good and not gambled so far..I must say life is better...Hopefully I will get a job..I missed an interview today..I will chase it up in the morning. Second day in the gym and starting to feel more positive.

I did not gamble today.

Fella well done on your continued abstinence, I hope you managed to re-schedule your interview for today, they are hard to come by, it would be a shame to let one go.

Keep making the right choice

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi diary,

I should celebrate 1 month of not gambling..

However, I don't feel content...

I am employed now on a zero hour contract.. I went in on Monday and not been back since...So, I have got a job (kind of) and I haven't been gambling...That is the good thing....

On the other hand, I am really upset about the choices I have made lately..Does anyone else feel that every choice that we make is probably the wrong one?

20.1.14 - i like you as thats the date that was my 40th birthday,

You made one choice that was the right one, cheesy i know, but you chose to start this diary and chose to do something about your problem.

No gambling equals no losses....it is enough for now.

Hi guys and thanks for your support..

Nearly two months gamble free...

I nearly went to gamble on my payday but because I am banned from my local by filling out a form I changed my mind...I kicked myself for contemplating it...Fortunately I saw sense and remember the consequences of that VICIOUS CIRCLE!!!!!!!!

Hi, back again.

Gambled, lost, & picking up the pieces yet again.

I went for a job interview yesterday, I was nervous. I took my card which was filled with over £2k and done the lot. I later borrowed money off my partner and daughter and lost that too. I thing is the job never existed and I took a day off work to lose my cash. Now I have to pay my family back and return to my horrible job cleaning floors. I'm gutted. I did stop gambling but my partner likes to fight with me and it triggers my gambling. Just wish this never happened. I worked hard for that money and so did they. Awful mess.

Fella

I know this might come across as harsh but I have to be true to myself and write it.

What happened to the self exclusion??

If cleaning floors for a couple of months gifts you over two large what are you moaning about??

you can always find an excuse to punt, f**k we all can.

Bottom line is you stole from those who you profess to care about, that is what this addiction gifts you.

Fella the only person who can help here is you

YOU have to want to stop.

Regards Duncs

Duncan,

thanks for your post.

What happened is I had a fight a couple of weeks ago with my partner and it triggered my gambling..Then I won a bit, so, it added up 2 around two grand. Then I ended up losing it all. I went for an interview in another town so there was no self exclusion. I guess I had the opportunity to stop many times but was drawn in by the urge. If I had gone to work yesterday then it would have probably happened at a later date. The cleaning job pays peanuts but it is a job I suppose.

This time I am going to stop...I have worked hard the past two months for nothing, my family are upset..So,am I.

fella

Thanks for the post upon my thread, just to point out a couple of things, I am glad you seem to have found the fight to face up to your compulsion, bottom line is fella it is not down to anyone except yourself to stop the destruction, there is a wealth of help but you have to really want to end the misery.

Interesting you write about how rosy it is in my garden,that the urges don't feature in my life because I am a long term recoverer of this addiction.

You have been about this forum two years longer than I, so the way I see it is you have been in recovery two years longer than me, I came to this site in January 2012 a broken man, gambling broke me, I let it, it beat me good and proper for twenty years before I sought to find any help.

Recovery is about the lessons we learn as individuals,surely it is about the same end result, to address our gambling,which you said the results of only too well on the first day you came here in 2010, I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP.

The reasons we gamble are yes different, but the cycle of destruction is surely the same, the end result is repeated losses,cheating,lying and in the end theft, we actually don't give a f**k about those around us,we just do anything for that next punt.

You wrote in your post this morning that you did not actually have a job interview, then later wrote that you did travel to an interview? that in fact the two grand was winnings and gambling has not just been a one off event,but a gradual build up again.

I get the whole escapism thing, I used gambling as a crutch for twenty years,I did indeed wear those shoes.

I am pleased your family rallied around you, I know and fully respect what the unconditional love of a family gift us, in my case I sometimes feel I don't deserve such love,because for those twenty years I turned my own back on it to feed my addiction.

Yes life is good for me today,I work seven days most weeks, I see the value of a pound note, I understand what honesty brings, I also have a monkey on my back, a great big one,he is my addiction,I will carry him for life,just like you.

abstinence has gifted me some great lessons, the biggest is that gambling is totally unacceptable in any form in my life, the result is a constant, the knowledge that the money I work hard for gets spent in the right fashion, my debt does not grow it decreases, with that my passion for life grows relentlessly.

My friend you have been on your journey for four years, my question is what has changed??

Do you want change,really want it,because the same is on offer for you, like each and every person who suffers from the compulsion to gamble.

The mantra you wrote about four years ago gets reversed

I DID WIN BECAUSE I DID STOP

that is what is on offer, you gift yourself the opportunity to live, yes life is hard,but in my opinion it is what you make it.

My glass is half full, I made it that way,recovery does.

I do simply wish the same for you, to take the decision to live in recovery

To abstain and maintain

Regards Duncs

Thank you for the post..It makes a lot of sense..And I do have to make those changes..Perhaps I think im cured and stop posting then slowly it creeps back into my life...I need to keep feeding my addiction with therapy I suppose?

It worked before...

I am looking back to only 2 days ago and I realise gambling had an enormous grip on me and probably still does. However, I really want to change my negative thoughts into positives and end the misery it brings.

Not many people walk up to you and say, "Here you are, have a thousand quid." and walk away.

Gambling seems to give you the false sense that it will. Instead it is the reverse!...I have been stupid, time and time again...My family tried to help me and I never listened...

Now I have to be even stronger and pick up the pieces...

This is where real guts come into action...

I want to move forward again.

Gambling: It worms it way back into your life as a nice getaway..If you win you are doomed, if you lose you are doomed..I want to take this recent knock straight on the chin...I'm no "Flash Harry" But I have seen a few losers in my life.

I need to relax and refresh my mind...The shock is now subsiding and it's off to work again in the morning....