I feel the need to start a diary again, it's been a long time since I posted on the forum or accessed support from Gamcare.
For the best part of 3 years, aside from the occasional blip, I have been gamble free. I made a decision three years ago, I was all in with buying a house with my partner.
I therefore told her about my gambling problem and my parents, sought help from my G.P, was prescribed anti-depressants for 6 months and up until approximately 6 months ago was running four times a week.
I cleared about 12 creditors and almost 10K of debt and have managed to get a mortgage offer having saved up my share of 15% of a mortgage, from nothing. In my eyes its a fantastic achievement. Pretty much a 25K turnaround in 3 years.
I've had to throw myself into a lot of hours, but I created the mess, so I had to get myself out of it and what I've achieved means it was definitely worth it.
Unfortunately, I have had a really bad relapse in the last week and gambling has crept back in, over recent months. Given the above, I cant work out why, I've fallen back into my old nemesis/the roulette.
Saturday and yesterday, stand out as two of the worst days I can remember, whereby I would stop at nothing to gamble. I was relentless and I am disgusted at myself. I've spent about £1400 in those two days, which has undone a lot of good work and left me feeling groggy, distant, overwhelmed and extremely anxious.
I don't know why I would gamble like that given in all honesty, there is absolutely no need?! The pressure of life I guess, has slowly built up and led to a massive press of the self destruct button.
I've self-referred to counselling and I've got my first telephone assessmnent next Monday. I thought it would help putting my thoughts down, I feel like the fog is going to take a while to clear this time.
I feel I should tell my partner however, I really don't know how to do so and understand it would kind of break her/really upset her.
Hi
Buying a home with partner is very healthy thing to do..
Being honest you self and all other people was a very healthy mature thing to do.
Being productive and self sufficient is healthy, for me being obsessive was not healthy.
Last week you escaped in to the unhealthy habit of gambling, do you understand your emotional trigger or triggers.
Bottling things up is a big stressor and living in fear is not healthy.
Every one get ready to be honest when they are ready for it.
For me the longer I left being honest the harder it got for me.
My addiction was a form of self abuse, the gambling establishments never hurt me I hurt myself.
Yes that very painful self destruct button.
Not a happy path for me any time.
When my fears were reduced I was ready for counselling
If she finds out in other ways it would really upset and hurt her even more.
I do hope you get on to the healthy path quickly and learn from your past.
Love and peace to every one
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham UK
I know how difficult it can be as been there more than once but I urge you to tell your wife and to be honest with her,pass over your finances to a trusted person, self exclude every where and start again, I wish you well.
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