Starting again Aged 35

Been a good day today been and seen my CPN who has helped make a few things clearer, although money is really short this week, I`m so glad that I`ve not turned to gambling to try and make last longer or borrowing.

12 hours from now I will know the out come of my redundancy, fingers crossed take care stay safe.

I keep saying it but be proud of your efforts mate, good chatting last night and keep up the great work!!

Phil

So not been on for a few days so bit of a catch up, got told on Tuesday I would get my redundancy in Dec, so starting to plan for a new job hopefully one that does not take me away for weeks at a time. Been really busy at work which is helping keep my mind off a few things, but still sat here at a night time thinking about them and jumping to wrong conclusion every time.

The wife and family now think cos I`m going to come into money that it`s an easy way out and I will go straight back to gambling. This is the last thing I planned to do 26 days today and feeling good.

One of the guys walked past me at work today and he said "Day 2 of no fruit machines not carrying any cash any more I`ve had enough" I just replied "day 26" when I saw him playing a machine 20 mins later all I could say was "back to day 1 tomorrow". Will have to get him to take a look at this site as an eye opener.

Take care everyone stay safe.

Chris.

Well done for your continued abstinence.

I do believe with each day our eyes open to how sh#t gambling, the compulsion to gamble has been to us.

The pounds become just that pounds again, not gambling tokens, And money for us was just the fuel we used to feed our addiction. Through abstinence you gift yourself an opportunity. To do what's right, to honour and the honesty that being gamble free brings to our lives.

Be honest with yourself, that money won't be wasted, used as fuel. Between now and December you can one day at a time put alot of resolve between you and that bet.

The one we all face each day.

The next bet, the return to destruction.

Not for me, not today.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Keep making the right choice fella, it will better your life and those around you. Believe.

Thanks Duncs, Its always good to have support from people here like yourself who has already made the change and now live the life we all look for, I know my wife reads a lot it to what you post, Tonight she sent my two options one was a list of what I could do to stand a chance of trying again with my family the other was just how much she would take if I said no to the other, I didn`t jump at the first option and she has taken that as I`m not serious about my recovery. I just really don`t know what to do, need time to think I know I did all the damage and even without another bet in my life I still don`t know if I can repair what I did

Chris

fella, you won't know if you don't try fella.

With honesty when you said last week that you thought you should just forget about them and move on i thought you were still formulating the easiest way to remain a gambler.

That i believe i got wrong and for it please accept my apologies for. I believe you were and are going down the damage limitation route.

Well fella i will tell you this.

Throw all you have at arresting your compulsion to gamble.

To arrest the destruction will gift you change and chance.

But not chance that costs you, chance to make yourself happy, in the sense you can look in the mirror and smile.

Fella to me it sounds like you know what needs to be done.

It won't be easy, truly trust will take time, be 100% honest. All the sh#t has to come out, deal with it lock stock.

Whichever way.

Keep making the right choice first

no bet today.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Thanks again duncs, well today has been a mixed day finished work just after lunch replied to a couple of emails from the wife which I think said what I felt, then spent 3 hrs on the m1 driving back to mums for the weekend far too much time to think when stuck in traffic.

Managed to see my boys for half an hour tonight and got a nice big hug when I told them it is day 27 I felt so good and he was happy too. Spent this evening fixing their Xbox so will see them again in the morning to drop it off.

Day 28 4 weeks and it has been a good day, spent time with my boys even took them out for dinner and had a great time, just need to spend a little more talking with them than just playing but that will come, also so the wife today for the time since I left 8 weeks ago, we sat and talked for nearly 3 hrs about what has been going on, I have learnt a lot today and has cleared up some mis understood comments over the last few week. Thank you wife if you are reading this. Stay safe.

Day 34, after a week at work and no Internet thought I would jump on and have a read before updating good to see old and new still going strong. Well it's not been a bad week, have heard from the wife most days which is nice we had been going weeks without a word, only had one day where gambling was at the front of mind and that was Tuesday night but soon shock it off and stay strong. Had a BBQ at work Wednesday afternoon and managed to stick of the soft stuff till late evening then just a few drinks got talking to people (something I never did when gambling would always slop off to the machines) and now looking forward to a weekend with my boys. Take care stay safe.

Chris,

Loved reading your diary. Stories like yours are what make this forum what it is. You are taking control and working hard towards a better, happier life. You seem fully committed and determined.

Keep up the good work.

Tomso.

Thanks for the nice comments Tomso, well I've do it 5 weeks today and counting. Been a good day been out with my boys playing, had a BBQ for dinner first of the year for them and even sat and talked to my daughter properly for the first time since this all started, was good to hear what she had to say and for once I had something more than " I'm sorry" and "I don't know why" to say in reply, as advised her to come and have a read on here to try and help her understand. No thoughts of gambling today. Stay safe

Hi Chris

well done on your 5 weeks gamble- thats brilliant.

Its so lovely to read about your family time with you boys and your daughter. I bet they are so thrilled at having their 'non- gambling dad' back. Keep it up, stay strong.

Remember, trust can be restored and love endures.

Stu

Day 40. Well another week at work done back home for a long weekend not been a bad week no real urges to gamble but did feel very low yesterday, was nice to be able to text the wife and chat to her she helped a lot and back on top today, going to see my boys at school tomorrow before a busy weekend of DIY and painting. Looking forward to been busy and seeing the finished results. Stay safe

Hey Chris,

sounds like things are starting to turnaround for you, let this be an example of how your hard work can be rewarded. Sounds as if lines of communication with you wife are beginning to open up a bit too, am so happy for you as know where you were a few weeks ago.

stay strong and keep up the great work, and have a great weekend

Phil

Thanks Phil, well another day done day 41 is over and has been a good day spent the day doing DIY on the house with the wife, talked a lot, didn't fell uneasy when a letter tipped up at the house address to me I knew it was nothing bad opened it in front her where as before it was all way a worry was it about a loan or something. Stayed for dinner with the family and arranged a trip to the beach tomorrow to make the most of the nice weather and to spend more time playing with my boys life is really looking up here's to a gamble free life. Stay safe.