Staying Strong to end the misery .

Hi Stephen, I can't thank you enough for posting on my diary earlier, I think gambling even when you're not gambling really messes with your head. I had a chat with a friend earlier who is coming out the other side of a really rough time and she suggested that when we feel low we start to doubt ourselves then it's a vicious circle that's hard to break. I'm a bit better than earlier and am reassured by the fact that I will not gamble under any circumstances. So I'll take your advice of be kind to yourself and soldier on Hope you're having a good GF day S:)

Thankyou Sharon . For sure when I feel down in the dumps I pick myself to pieces . Would be great to go back and change a few things but I can't so will focus on whats to come .

Funny enough I have been trying to get my hands on a Time Machine . Would love to.be at the 100 Day marker on saturday , cheering like mad when you go running past . I'm well back in the field but will give a ' Yeeeha ' a ' Woo Hoo ' & a ' Rock on Sharon ' . Take care .

Thanks Stephen, 100% focus on the future. Big whoop for you 41st day and your positivity which helps so many here :):)

Day 42 . No urges to win money on the bookies fobt machines . Aiming to develop a better understanding of my thoughts and emotions , to remain positive . Great to have realistic hopes and aspirations but not to be living in cloud cuckoo land .

I remember only to well the overwhelming desire to gamble on the machines . In my mind I could easily find justification for my actions . My wild imaginings blocking out any sense of right or wrong .

I guess it was all in my mind , but the addiction seemed to know me better than I knew myself , even knew when money was going into my bank , how I could survive on a bare minimum , it seemed demonic in the way it manipulating my thoughts .

Anyway I feel so much stronger now . I have turned my back on the addiction and ignore the occasional tap on my shoulder .

I am stephen ..... a recovering compulsive gambler .

Keep at this Stephen your doing brill. Its only going to get better for you as the days add up.

I dont know why I gambled or what went through my mind for all those years either. I was indeed living in cuckoo land!!!

I woke up this morning and this morning and thote of gambling. Its is I feel like you say an occasional tap on the shoulder.

I understand that I think of gambling when I have free time, when I have money to spend. When I am sometimes bored. My mind thinks of winning. And I understand this to be a real trigger for me. I take a min. Or ten. An just sit. Tell myself i cant win. Think of all the bad things that gambling have caused in my life.

that is exactly what I did just before I read your post. So now going to go for a walk and treat myself to a fry up in the local cafe. I think its better i spend on something of value.

Just take ten minutes in those moments of weakness Stephen. Your doing great by the way!! Split!

Thankyou so much for your support Split . The kind words and advice of my GamCare friends have helped me enormously . Hope your still weight training , maintaining fitness with a healthy lifestyle can improve our self esteem and help us remain positive .

I like that you ask ' The Universe ' for guidance . The tiny bits and pieces that we call ' Me ' all came from somewhere far out in space so when you call out to the universe your just calling home really . I personally believe my angels give me guidance , I only have to listen to their wisdom with an open mind , completely different vibes to the insidious promptings of the addiction . We're all on the same road to recovery yet our journeys and travel plans are unique to each of us , after all it wouldn't do for us all to be the same .

Wishing you and your family happy times ahead , good adventures , love and contentment . Take care ........ stephen

Day 44 BOOM!! Fantastic, indeed the prom was lovely thanks 🙂 and just wanted to say thanks for all your encouragement and kind words. I can tell your shining positivity means a lot to many people here. So have a great weekend yourself and yep I'm going to be kind to Sharon and plan ahead for the next hundred days S 🙂

Dear Diary . Would like to send love and best wishes to all the me's yet to come . Hope life has turned out well for you all , enjoying the challenges , living happy gamble free days .

Don't have a diary of our addictive gambling days . Terrible times of despair , shame and misery .

On 11th May 2017 we turned our back on the addiction and decided to move on . Instead of looking back in regret , we looked to the future with hope .

We are now on day 44 . No desires to gamble on the fobt machines . Friends on GamCare have been an enormous help in our recovery . Yesterday we had our 3rd counselling session which is really helping to clear the mist , to see our addiction from a different perspective .

Complacancy is a danger , but it is an absolute certainty we will never again gamble on fobt machine . We are lucky in so far as that was our only gambling obsession . Theirs still a life to be lived so lets go live it . Hope we get a few days in heaven before the devil finds out we're dead . Hallelujah brothers and sisters lets rock n roll .......Love to you all . Stephen The 44 th x

Happy Day 44,

Cannot wait to get to this day myself, hope your enjoying this fantastic saturday!!!!

I loved the "My recovery must come first so that everything I love in life does not have to come last!" line but then I pee'd myself laughing @ you hoping you'd get a couple of days in heaven before the devil finds you out :-0

You & me both mate!

I've said it before & I'll say it again, it's so refreshing to read your recovery posts because it's clear to see that all the work you have done before now is slowly being consolidated. It reconfirms my faith in the power of the teachings that I am dipping into which literally come to life in your words.

Keep letting those Angels guide you Stephen, the little red **bleep** can get a piece of us when the woman @ the Pearly gates says so right 😉

Thankyou Odaat for your kind words . The recovery diaries are a constant source of inspiration for me . We are all together striving to overcome our gambling addiction and find a better life . Friends such as yourself have a wonderful insight which greatly benefits other members . I learn something from all the diaries , everyone has their own story to tell . It is sad to see the pain and suffering in some of the diaries but really uplifting to read of the successes .

I like this diary.

An eclectic feel-good mix of positivity, vitality, productivity, spirituality and Bob Dylan.

As the old adage goes 'better to dance Latino than take a chance in a casino.'

Great range of uplifting posts and snappy soundbites.

If you don't mind me saying you are just a little bit older than me Stephen; now, I've always thought it important to respect my elders...

You make that very easy!!!

Thankyou so much Glint for your encourageing words and support . Definitely one of my wisest moves the day I joined Gamcare . The inspiration I get from my friends such as yourself has been the basis of my recovery to date , absolutely brilliant .

Early days for me 46 , but already feeling a massive improvement in my general wellbeing . The managing of my finances has taken a definite turn for the better , I am starting to see my situation and possibilities in a far more rational way . Wishing you every success and happy times on your journey .

I am stephen......a compulsive gambler in recovery......today I have chosen not to gamble and I feel good about it .

Still moseying on , feeling ok , no pesky fobts barring my way

Three days ahead to the 50 day bash , got my self back and aint lost no cash

I'll stay gamble free , yes I will see it through , with a whoopee and a holler and a yabba dabba do

I am stephen . Today I choose not to gamble .

Not in a good place just now . Is my optimism a good thing or a bad thing , will it take me home or throw me back into the hellfire of gambling addiction . Backing up to the ropes and been frightened is not an option and will surely see me broken .

I just closed my eyes and sent out a challenge to all the gambling demons real or imaginary " Come and do your worst , i'm ready for you this time " I am Stephen . I am Confident and Totally commited to my recovery . You will NOT beat me this time .