well i have been on an of this forum for a few years now and still i am killing myself with this crazy addiction
i starting this new diary today after losing another 2000 playing roulette online
i have closed all accounts again and reinstalled betfilter
i hate myself and have even hit myself in the face bwcause i am so angry about what i do
i know the result before i start its the same each time
i wi but cant stop and lose
i hit the wall the table and myself
i have made a plan to repay the £18000 money i owe (all from gambling )
i would be so muxh happier if i didnt gamble and a lot etter of
its got to stop
i have changed into a miserable lonley person now
i have a great partner and she deserves better
i am sitting here typing this why she is fast asleep behind me, she has no clue i have lost all this money
i will post each day if i can and hope it helps
i used to go in the bookies but banned myself from everyone in my area
so all the blocks are in place just need to pass my debit cards on tt my other half
mark
You know the one about actions speaking louder than words? No doubt you feel awful and no doubt you will continue to feel awful until things change. But they won't change magically by themselves. It's down to you, you decide to change them and act on that decision. So stop trying to control your gambling - you can't win because you can't stop. Instead, take back control of your life.
You can get help and guidance from the GC helpline. Try GA a few times - whatever the image/ rumours about old men in flat caps, if you stick with it, it works because everyone in the room has the same problem. And they're not all old men in flat caps.
The other biggie is telling your partner. Honesty is the cornerstone of recovery, you may clock up a bit of gf time whilst she's kept in the dark, a few diarists on here try to "go it alone" but you're continuing to live a lie and that doesn't bode well for a solid long term future. Gambling thrives on secrecy, blowing it open is a very effective tool to help you get better.
Presumably you know about blocks and barriers. Use parental controls from your ISP, ask her to set the password. Downgrade to a brick instead of android (this helps my husband because he's older and has fewer problems with his image). Self exclude permanently from what you can. Hand over financial control.
Going back to telling her, you can only take all of these measures if she knows. She'll need support as well, it's no fun being on the receiving end of someone else's gambling, point her in the direction of GC and also GamAnon. But if you show her what you're doing to turn things round (slapping your face doesn't count), you'll give yourself the best chance.
It really is down to you. Hope you go for it.
CW
hi cw thanks for the reply
i will take your advice
i have started as i am self excluded from all the places i used to play,and with betfilter on my pc i cant even access new sites,or any site.
yest first day feeling really c**P sad angry all the usuall feelings.
am going to put my 3 loans into one loan now to make them more managable
yes im going to be skint for a few years but at least i wont have this horrible feeling in side of me.
my gf does know i gamble but not to what extent
maybe i will come clean i will think about it.
thanks
3/07/2016 was a no gamble day for me
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