Hello,
I have decided to stop gambling for good. Well, I decided this a long time ago, but now I need to stop. I have tried to stop many times before but now it is getting out of hand. This is my story in a nutshell... I have been working in London for just over a year now at a semi decent job and I am 19 years old. Once I started working properly, I developed a bit of an addiction to gambling. Placing small football bets on the weekend, this owly turned into playing roulette and blackjack and eventually I would burn through a lot of my hard earned cash. Every month is the same story for me. I get paid, pay off some expenses, pay back any pay day loan and then tuck some of my money into my savings. Which by the end of the week, the money I put in my savings would of come straight back out and I would of lost it. This causes me anger as I do this every month and if i didnt i would have a decent amount of money in my savings right now.
Last night was the last straw. I took £300 out of my savings account and put it online. Within an hour it was gone. I broke down, not because of that particular session. But because of the past year. The money lost, the grief it creates me. I told someone close by in my family, which I know I should of done a long time ago.
Thinking in the past creates depression, and thinking in the future creates anxiety. Which is why I'm not doing anything as of now. I'm just going to take each day as it comes. When I gather a bit of strength I'll put blocks in place, create a money saving plan to help me put money back into my savings. I'll hopefully do this at some point this week. But as of now I'm just feeling sorry for myself, when it's all my fault in the first place. Day 1 I guess...
ALN wrote: You have your whole life ahead of you my friend. Wish I was your age again. From your diary I would say that you are debt free, and more importantly have admitted that gambling has you beat. The best thing now, and would suggest today, is to put barriers in place. This means finding that person that you trust the most, possibly mum, dad, brother, sister, partner, or another family member, and ask them will they take control of your finances. This will mean handing over all bank cards, credit cards, as well forms of ID i.e. driving licence and passport. As well as all cash. Cash can then be given as and when required from which you will then supply receipts. Following this, ban yourself from websites and the places that you frequented. Find your local GA meeting and attend at least weekly, plus see whether your family member would be interested in going to Gamanon in support of your recovery. Maintain a presence within Gamcare, and undertake a daily diary in support of your recovery. This will help yourself in advising of your feelings and will provide others with an ability to support you as well as aid in their own recovery. You must forget about what you have lost. Draw a line under this as the money has gone. Once a line is drawn this will be a base to build on your recovery. Once again you have your whole life ahead of you if you put this to bed now, and don't become, like me, a 30 plus year mess. Finally, tackle all your emotional issues head on. Hope the above provides some guidance, and good luck in your recovery.
Hello,
Thank you very much for your comment. I have told someone very close to me, which is something I have never done before. So that is a big step for me. I have put blocks in place, and will look into handing my cards over. Correct, I am not in any debt, but if I carry on I can see it happening. All the money I've gambled has been my own. I do need to draw a line under the money lost as I know it's gone now. But it's hard for me, but it's hard for everyone. So I don't have any excuses now. Thank you.
Day 2 - I have made a little spreadsheet of a 'money saving plan' if you like, wont be looking at it too much until I get paid later this month though. I've put some blocks in place. I signed up to GamStop which bans me from gambling online for the next 5 years. So that's a good start. Of course there are still bookies on the street, but I don't tend to go in these anyway. In terms of myself, I'm still feeling a bit down since my last relapse. But we just have to keep battling.
Day 3 - Started feeling down so I’ve come here to check in at day 3. Past creates depression, future creates anxiety, moving forward one day at a time. I will be rewarded in the end.
Day 4 - Still a struggle, but something happened yesterday that proved to me that I am determined to stop this time. An unexpected £20 came out of my bank account, which obviously leaves me £20 shorter than I had originally calculated. Lots of thoughts running through my head. I could easily go to the bookies and make £20 to cover myself. Didn’t do it. Payed the money and forgot about it. Proving to myself that I am dedicated to stopping.
Hi Lastchance :)).
That's alway's the easiest option for us recovering gamblers isn't it , gamble our way out of trouble ? , our addict's mind seems to think that the very thing that brought us here and caused the problems we now face ,will somehow this time turn it all around when every other time that action has failed ?.
Crazy isn't it ? You then begin to understand why that cycle's so difficult to break , so just keep doing what your doing my friend making yourself stronger one day at a time :))
All the best for now :))
Alan
A 9 wrote:
Hi Lastchance :)).
That's alway's the easiest option for us recovering gamblers isn't it , gamble our way out of trouble ? , our addict's mind seems to think that the very thing that brought us here and caused the problems we now face ,will somehow this time turn it all around when every other time that action has failed ?.
Crazy isn't it ? You then begin to understand why that cycle's so difficult to break , so just keep doing what your doing my friend making yourself stronger one day at a time :))
All the best for now :))
Alan
Hello thanks very much for your comment! I will continue to fight and not give in to gambling. In months time I can look back and be so glad that I have started this. Thank you
ALN wrote: Just keep remembering you don't want to be a slave to this addiction. Something that leads to significant debt, depression, degradation and eventually death. You have a great life ahead of you. Always remind yourself that you don't want to be here in 20 years time advising of your mental illness, significant debt, and of suicidal thoughts. You can beat this.
I understand that I’m at a really important age to handle this, if I don’t it can lead to these horrible things. I can and will beat this. Thank you for your comment
Day 5 - Feeing a lot better today. Almost at the 1 week mark. Going to enjoy my weekend gamble free, hope everyone else does the same.
Day 1 - I ended up cracking over the weekend and gambled. Funnily enough I ended up winning a decent amount and cashed it out. The money is now in my bank account. I always told myself once I get a decent win I’d stop. Excluded my account once I withdrew. I’ve shown weakness by going again my word. But I know have 0 online accounts and cannot create more.
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