The bear the last diary no more.

Bear

you need to stop and want to stop but you are not ready to stop. You can't yet live without it. All these new diaries and relapses prove that. I'm not being critical at all here just telling it how it is. You have to go through all the stages. Do self analysis, train your brain to live without, get counselling, read books on problem gambling, do whatever it takes.

I have had so many false starts in my 5 year recovery but I have now gone through all the necessary stages. Some can quit and stay away forever but not many. The diaries on here prove that. Plan your recovery in stages and you will get there. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

Hi bear

Full admiration for u for keeping trying and not giving up something inside u knows u av to do it, after 26 years I finally admitted my addiction and sought help I had enough I knew I had to stop but wanted to I was spiraling down a slippery slope with my life heading for the gutter the truth was if I carried on I would lose everything and there would be no way out some say u av to hit rock bottom b4 we stop I still don't know whether that was mine but I wasn't taking the chance to find out, 20 months later with 4 relapse under my belt I am slowly turning my life around and there's many people doin the same thing and the reason is cos they want to

where do u fit in with all that ? Has it got that bad yet ? If it hasn't by gambling there's a real chance u will hit rock bottom do u really want to go there ?

A couple of harsh posts for u to absorb but not with any intention of upsetting u just trying to keep it real ultimately its down to u and the choices u make and only u can make them

What's done is done this is a fresh start a new diary stick with this one log every thought good or bad if u relapse again log it down get support and learn from it

U really can do this I certainly believe u can

Castle2

Well done the bear on not givin up on giving up,you will succeed.

I'm on day 1 today for the 100th time,all I know is that I can't live with gambling in my life,I feel much more relaxed and already today.

Day 1 for the last time today. Gd luck,were doin the right thing,and massive move in the right direction,well done for being brave enough to start a fresh.

Feel for you, Bear. Can't be easy going through these slips ups, knowing you were doing so well. I have every faith you'll pull through in the end.

You're post is very telling. You talk of gambling, accumulating a bit of money doing so and neglecting other things. Neglect gambling. You don't need it, Bear.

Well done for your continued efforts to rid yourself of this nasty bug. Recovery starts now. Welcome back.

Don't torture yourself.. Accept your failings.. You're only human.

All the best

Alex

Thanks guys for your comments captain you are right maybe I'm not ready to quit as I'm still gambling but have win a few thousand in last couple of weeks but still hate it it's very unusual for me to win and hate it it's certainly waking me up and making me realise not at day 1 yet but will be not beating myself up I will not be defeated will win against this illness.

The bear x

Hi Bear.

Firstly congrats on coming back, i have probably been your hardest critic these last few months but i have never lost respect for you and what you are going through. Its kind of strange, we are both at the same point, we know enough about the good the bad the mind set of where we are and want to be, i truly hope we can now remain strong, there will be many challenges but we have to defeat this, we have to for our families/children and our sanity ! i will be here supporting your to the end, Dark Place

Bear,

I know exactly what you mean from reading your post. Recently, I have experienced some big wins and larger sums than I was used to and none of it brought me any happiness. Each time I walked out of the bookies with total sadness etched across my face and went almost the whole night without sleep. My night was as restless as it would have been had I lost everything. I am at the stage where even standing in a bookies makes me feel disgusting. I think of standing in a bookies as I would of standing in a drug den full of junkies. I don't know why this has happened. In recent times when I've went to the bookies I have driven far out of town because I don't want anyone to see me inside one. A mixture of my feelings and the sad stories I have read on here have completely changed how I view gambling. I still have my own problems to deal with and try to make the right decisions each and every day one day at a time. Make the decision to stay away.

Tomso.

Hi Bear

How is it going ? hope all is well ? hope to hear from you soon. Dark Place

Back for good now dark place 🙂 no more feeling ill 🙁

The bear x

Good to hear Bear, i was given a tip last night that won ! these type of things will continue to happen, we just have to find a way of dealing with them and shuttingbthem out. Have a great weekend, Dark Place

New day new start no gambling for me today have good day everyone x

The bear

Struggling got to find strength :(making me ill

The bear

Hey Bear,

Been a long time, hang in there, keep striving for that peace you want in your life, gamble free. It's been really tuff to get to this point iam at, and believe me there have been many tests of my will power to remain abstinent. I'am proud of you for trying to rid this addiction once and for all. Never give up bear, keep pushing forward, iam in your corner.

Chicagoguy

Anxiety, loneliness, deceit, just a few things going through my head this morning spent yesterday feeling I can honestly say the worst I've ever felt in my life lying to my girlfriend spending more time out of the house in the bookies, last night at around 7 pm in my head something changed in my life I had never felt so emotionally drained and sunk, and no I hadn't lost thousands or hundreds or penny's just the opposite but realised it has to stop as my life is miserable with it, it's a new point in my life never felt this, people say they reach that point of there lowest point I always thought they meant financially have realised it doesn't have to mean money wise, well mentally I'm exhausted today I will not gamble need to rebuild my mind set again I'm off to the gym now.

The bear x