The best decision I've made in a long time....

Well, she’s woken up this morning in a very upset and angry mood.

I expected that and fully deserved it too. I know that.

Thankfully, the financial hurt has not been too damaging and she agrees that at least I’ve come clean to her before it got even worse. I do still have some savings which is a plus.

But now, the real test starts today.

She has full access to my bank account. She’ll know where every pound is going.

This is all new to me but it feels refreshing to know that I finally have someone who I can confide in.

Yes, I know, why didn’t I do this a few years ago!??

Here’s to the start of the journey ahead. I hope that in time, people can begin to take me seriously.

I’ve had too many false starts of late and I totally get if people just look at this post as ‘here we go again’. But I hope in time, I can get your support too.

Thanks for reading.

Dan

Dan

Well done on admittimg you have a problem and for seeking your partners help. You are both starting out on a recovery journey together. My journey of gamble free started 30 days ago which is the best thing i ever did although it is not easy. Handing over finances is a great start although it feels degrading at the start. I attend GA meetings every week i thoroughly enjoy my time talking with people that have the same problems it gives us a sense of unity and confirms we are not alone. They do have meetings when you can take a partner or family member with you that is really good and informative for our families. I spend my spare time researching the illness and try and help others i take something from that which helps me personally.

I would just say keep doing what you are doing and be strong, it is amazing how much spare time you will now have and also how much money you will start to save. Your partner will come round you just need to rebuild the trust part by doing what you know you need to do anyway.

Good on you and all the best going forward.

Billy

[quote=BG1973

Dan

Well done on admittimg you have a problem and for seeking your partners help. You are both starting out on a recovery journey together. My journey of gamble free started 30 days ago which is the best thing i ever did although it is not easy. Handing over finances is a great start although it feels degrading at the start. I attend GA meetings every week i thoroughly enjoy my time talking with people that have the same problems it gives us a sense of unity and confirms we are not alone. They do have meetings when you can take a partner or family member with you that is really good and informative for our families. I spend my spare time researching the illness and try and help others i take something from that which helps me personally.

I would just say keep doing what you are doing and be strong, it is amazing how much spare time you will now have and also how much money you will start to save. Your partner will come round you just need to rebuild the trust part by doing what you know you need to do anyway.

Good on you and all the best going forward.

Billy

Cheers Billy. Yes, my journey starts today. Over the next few days we’ll both assess what needs to be done to give myself the best possibly chance of managing this illness. She’s still very much in shock mode so I’ve got to give her some time and space for now. I’m hoping the trust will come back.

For her it’s come very much out of the blue because I’ve not portrayed any of this type of behaviour in the way I’ve lived my life. I’m normally a careful, deep thinking and reliable person.

Somebody who you could trust.

It’s up to me now to prove I am still all those things.

1 day gamble free

The first 24 hours are always a challenge but I’m up and running.

Feel rotten this morning with a cold but trying to stay positive.

I’m determined to make this count and I think now that I have some outside help and somebody to confide in when I’m struggling or feeling tempted, I’ll find the whole thing a lot easier.

Dan

caughtup wrote:

Have a fab a day 1 GF Dan...! You are an early bird this morning like me. It’s the first of may tomorrow, summer is coming, Day 1 of becoming free and happy! X P.s hope your cold gets better as day goes on!

Cheers, Caughtup!

Have a good day too.

The thought of Summer being around the corner excites me and makes me extra determined to be gamble free during that time. Right now, I can think of nothing better than enjoying in the sunshine with the thought of being gamble free. That’s what I’m targeting.

Hi Dan,
Well done for telling your partner....it is a massive step towards recovery.

One piece of advice from me and that would be to encourage your gf to look into getting as much information as she can on gambling and gambling addicts. At the moment she knows what you have told her and she may well think that will be enough and that you will never gamble again. Unfortunately that doesn’t always turn out the be the case...no matter how you are feeling at the moment and

I you look at the f&f section you will see the stories of how gamblers have relapsed and their partners had no idea. I am not saying this will happen to you but no harm on educating her in case something goes wrong and hwp to notice the tell tale signs.

Good luck with it all.
Damo

ITDamo wrote:

Hi Dan,
Well done for telling your partner....it is a massive step towards recovery.

One piece of advice from me and that would be to encourage your gf to look into getting as much information as she can on gambling and gambling addicts. At the moment she knows what you have told her and she may well think that will be enough and that you will never gamble again. Unfortunately that doesn’t always turn out the be the case...no matter how you are feeling at the moment and

I you look at the f&f section you will see the stories of how gamblers have relapsed and their partners had no idea. I am not saying this will happen to you but no harm on educating her in case something goes wrong and hwp to notice the tell tale signs.

Good luck with it all.
Damo

Yes I totally agree, Damo.

Thanks for your helpful post mate.

Dan

It’s very early days for me in my recovery but already I’m sensing that this time it’s going to be different.

I feel stronger for having told my partner and more able to deal with any little urges that may come my way.

I feel like I have the extra block in place that I have missed out on in the past.

Speaking personally, I think this will make a lot of difference. A huge difference in fact. I can open up and talk to her when I find things difficult during my recovery. I don’t have to face this alone.

I’ve been open and honest with her about my gambling past.

I admit wholeheartedly that I am what you call ‘a compulsive gambler’. I wouldn’t for one moment ever deny that.

But, for whatever reason it may be, I do seem to be able to stop and draw the line somewhere, rather than carry on gambling until I have nothing left, or worse still, that I’m borrowing money to fund my habit. That has never been my style.

Does that mean my addiction is not as serious as others? Yes and no, I guess.

But I do have a problem. I get myself into, financially, a great position and then I throw it all away in the blink of an eye and I have to start rebuilding my savings again.

I believe I need a someone to lean on during times of temptation. That has been my biggest mistake all these years.

I thought I could do it on my own but I’ve been proved wrong.

Now is the time to correct all my wrongs and to finally turn my life round and give myself the life I deserve.

I’m by no means a guy who relishes the lavish lifestyle. I’m just a guy with simple pleasures who wants to enjoy life without the worries and stresses of gambling myself into a hole.

Here’s to the journey ahead.

Dan

Evening Dan,

Well done on telling your partner. It is a massive thing to do and it really does help. It shows everyone you have accepted its too much for you and that you need and will take the help to beat it. You know all the blocks and the processes you can and need to put it place. It's up to you now, you have the help and support network in place. Just use it as and when you need to and don't hide. You've done the hardest part IMO. Now one day at a time stick to those promises.

All the best.

Thanks for your post sjw!

You’re right, one day at a time I must tell myself that I won’t gamble....

2 days gamble free.

Still battling with a heavy cold but determined not to let it get me down. Trying to remain upbeat and positive.

Dan

Another day over at work and almost a third gamble free day completed....

I can’t wait to see the days stacking up against my name.

Christmas was such a happy and peaceful time for me. I’m looking forward to getting back to that stage again.

I’m off to watch some stand up comedy tonight which should be fun.

Then back home to read some more diaries.

Have a great evening.

Dan

Hi Dan, I don't know how to recover yet I'm still on board with you and everyone else. I want to feel less stressed, more calm, less worry and be able to believe in myself again. You can do this. tara2

Tara, there’s no right or wrong answer to fighting this addiction.

You simply have to try and find a way that works best for you.

If or when that way stops working for you, you have to find another way. Or put more blocks in place.

It’s not easy but we owe it to ourselves to give it our best shot.

Keep fighting Tara.

Dan

3 days gamble free

It’s around about this time in my journey that I begin to reflect on the latest damage that I have done to myself....

It’s done. It’s gone. It’s never coming back.

What I can change is the next 24 hours (and beyond).

I had a great night out last night. Feeling the effects of a late night/early morning though.

Another planned talk with my partner tonight. She’s taken it all very well, to be fair and has been very understanding and supportive.

Have a nice day everyone.

Dan