the end of the road, a new start on the way

Hi Ands,

So sorry to hear you feeling this way. You have not let anybody down, including your boys. The pressure has been building for a long while and needed to release. The only release any of us know is to gamble. It is a blip on an otherwise amazing recovery that YOU and you only have achieved. Please dont delete your diary as it is an inspiration to many other sufferers, me included.

You can call me anytime as you know, please don't give this up, you have come so far.

I respect your journey and have some insight as to how hard it has been,

Thinking of you,

Richard.

DT.

hi mate,

First off, the slip is just that a 'SLIP', and don't think you need to beg for forgiveness, we are here for you just like you have been there for me and many others, Everyone here is in the same boat, just one step away from gambling again, OK you made a mistake, i have gambled twice during recovery, the important thing is to keep moving forward. I can't stress enough how far you have come, my advice is keep your diary, look back and it's there in black and white, just how much you love the boy's and how far you have come.

Take this as another lesson learned, the reason gambling can not be part of your life, and just keep going, you have come to far now to turn back, and i know it hurts today, and maybe for a little while yet.

Your a decent guy mate, a great dad who has had a bad day, don't beat yourself up.

Were here for you mate, sorry if the post seems a little rushed, I'm at work.

speak soon.

green x

Andy, I want you to listen to me. You have had a slip. Yes, it`s called a slip I have had them and loads of others. I have talked many times to people who have done just as you have.

Right. 70 days gamble free and one small slip. Let`s do some sums. One slip in 70. That`s 1/70th " bad " to where you were before you took the decision to quit. You have done really well. You are not a bad person, you don`t have to beg forgivness my friend. You see there is nothing to forgive. I was and am very proud of you.

You showed amazing strength and now it`s dust off time and jump back up on the wagon with us. Nothing changes Andy. Please don`t go deleting your posts.

If I went and put £20 in those darn machines today nothing would detract from the years I haven`t gambled and nothing can detract from the weeks that you have hard earned without gambling.

I never have met you but from what i know you are a great guy. You are not back to day one, you are on day 71 with a little slip. No more than that.

Hi Ands

Everything that needs to be said has been said. The positive you need to take from this is that you know how gambling makes you feel, and, I guess, this will make you even more determined. I didn't hate myself when I came here. I hated everyone on here as I could not get what they had. I'm not out of the woods but there is a sense of calmness about me like I've never known before. It is about getting on with your life, one day at a time, and doing your best. You don't have to be the best, just do "your" best. We all make mistakes and all we do is learn from them. The person that never made a mistake has never made a thing.

Keep going Matey

Steve E

ands,

counselling is scary. please dont hate yourself. I still believe in you, and am rooting for you as much as ever.

take care,

f x

Hi Ands,

Pick yerself up mate and go again. As has been said, you have done so well, the important thing is not to lose it and go back the wrong way.

Weldy

Day 1 and i start again, thankyou so very much for the posts they have made my cry, so grateful. I am not going to delete anymore of my posts, get a grip andrew and start again.

Yesterday i messed up, today is a new day and my recovery feels different. The shock of my slip has given me more insight into why i have gambled for so very long. Yesterday whilst feeding that dam machine in arcade i was sobbing, did not enjoy it all.

Normally i would enjoy the feelings of escapisim but not anymore, my life is a total mess...............full of hurt and shame, heartbreak and guilt... Self hatred and anger...my next counselling is next wednesday and i am only going to take my train fare and £1 for a bottle of coke. Also i am going to self exclude myself from those 2 arcades in clapham........... I am not going to give up, i am going to take something positive out of this and move on again....feel like s**t, boys at school and all i have done last night and this morning is cry.... have not slept and my appetite has gone, within 5 mins of leaving counselling i went straight into arcade, sick........im ashamed of that.

One day at a time and today i will not gamble.

Thankyou so very much for all those posts, they have helped so much to get some clarity back and direction..........ands

Good morning mate. Very pleased you have posted, I was concerned for you. I know how much this has hurt you, I log on and read a post from the Andy I have got to know a bit. Already new road blocks in place, just the fare and and £1 for a drink. Self excluding from those 2 arcades. It`s Andy the fighter back.

Counselling is hard, been there, done it but in the end it will be of a benefit.

I was proud of you and I am even more proud that already you are making steps to avoid another slip.

Morning Ands,

Just caught up on your diary....as you may have read I too gambled on the 20.8.09 after being gamble free from 23.4.09. I feel the act in itself isn't the main problem it's the urges which is reawakens.

I am trying my bloody hardest to overcome this....this recovery has lots of twists and turns.....it was never going to be a straight road!!

You have done a bloody good job so far. The good thing about you is your honesty. That is how we learn to help ourselves by being honest. Giving up a gambling addiction is not as easy as switching a light off. Be gentle with yourself, give yourself time.

Love to you and your boys.....Jas xx

Hi Ands

You don't have to apologise to me for not reading my diary. This is all about you and you have to be selfish with your recovery. You have to be selfish to give it away to others. Put your needs first in recovery. Once things get in place for you, you will be in a better place to serve others. Your input on my diary would be welcome though.

Take care

Steve E

You are very welcome ands,

I want you to know that I am not making light of how awful this lapse must have made you feel, but that I have absolute faith that you can turn this experience around, and continue in successful recovery.

For a first attempt, considering everything happening for you, I hope you know how fantastically you coped with your recovery.

Why would any of us judge you? we are all just one wrong decision away from the same thing ourselves.

Take care,

f x

Hi ands,

When i had a slip, i never started back at day one, i just kept going, the day's are all part of your/my recovery, One silly mistake, is One mistake, no more. Yes if we fell back into a life where gambling was every day, we would have to re-think but by the sounds of it you know you have messed up, just leave it there and move on.

Self-excluding from the other arcades sounds like a good idea and a positive step mate. I know i keep banging on about how far you have come, but the truth, is there, use it to keep your focus in the next few days, i have a feeling your going to be here for a while ands, and you will beat this, your stronger and better than you think, hope the boys are well, and you have a better evening tonight. Take care mate.

green x

Got a little confused im back on day 73, had my slip up now time to move on. Thank you to everyone who has supported me yesterday and today i could not have got through without the support thats for sure.

Green thanks my boys are good,enjoying being back at school and away from their soppy dad! Yes i think i will be here for a while as it is a great way of keeping focused and the support and advice is so valuble to me and my recovery.

Time for me to refocus move on and i guess get a grip, feeling sorry for myself is not going to get me anywhere. The positive im taking out of this is that gambling does not make me feel happy in anyway and also it is no longer comforting for me. Also i am going to be more prepared as i said in my earlier post.

Thank you all again, ands

HIGH FIVE!!!!

Day 74, i will not gamble today...Glad friday here's and the weekend is upon us, not been the best week and i am glad its nearly over. Have one more week then will start my part time temping contract for at least a month. So looking forward to returning to work as i have missed it alot.

Thank you to all those who have posted this week on my diary. One day at a time, and today i will not gamble.

Take care all, ands