the end of the road, a new start on the way

Hi Ands,

Just popped in to say keep on going!! i know it hasn't been a good week for you but you've got back up and back on track now good for you

Hope work goes ok for you

take care

Jane

Hi Ands - I was worried about you there for a while!!! Glad you are feeling better and can see the future ahead of you. Keep posting it does help.

Georgie

x

Hi Ands,

Good on you mate, look forward to the job, forget about this week, and keep moving forward, the past few weeks as you know have been tough for me for different reasons, but i to need to not keep looking over my shoulder, and look straight ahead at my life to come the future, and i will see you there, in a happy place, without gambling.

you and the boy's have a great weekend mate. speak soon.

green x

Hi Ands,

Thank you for dropping by my diary with your considered thoughts. I think you are right and ive heard it said by many people who are parents, that ones outlook and personality change significantly when one has children. Am sure the same would be the case for me. Though I still feel in the light of my life experiences that wanting children is a direction I do not want to go in.

Ands I must admit that ive not kept up to date with your diary. I don't know why really.. just idleness on my part I think. Nothing specific to you.

I get the sense that you have been through and are going through tough times. I will get up to speed with your diary soon. Stay focussed on recovery. Warm regards.. S.A 🙂

Day 75, thank you for your posts on my diary... Glad its saturday and my boys are at home with me, no urges to gamble, still angry with myself from wednesdays slip. But it was a mistake when i was feeling very low, so this feeling will pass relatively quickly i reckon, this however is not an excuse but i will and have learnt from it.

Have been thinking long and hard over the past few days on why i gambled for so very long, i do know why and i do know what i have to do!

My gambling addiction is kinda baffling tho, considering what i have done in the past. I soley only used to gamble on fruit machines (not online) and scratch cards. To me it didn't matter if they had paid out or not, guess what im trying to say it was not always about winning or losing. It was the participation, god i sound nuts........

So, for the first time i have the opportunity in counselling to sort these issues out and move on with my life.

One day i will be able to walk down the road wth my sons with my head held high, with a smile on my face and feeling at ease with myself......... This is my ultimate goal.

Guess being normal is having the ablility to deal with lifes problems and s**t without resorting to destructive and irresponsible behaviour, ie gambling, as i did wednesday.

So on this saturday i will not be gambling today...

Take care whoever reads this and have good weekend. ands

Great to hear you sounding more hopeful Ands 🙂

Sounds like you are learning that to be imperfect is not a crime. One mistake, does not make a loser!

Im also working on being less hard on myself. I too, expect a lot from myself. Probably way more than is reasonable.

Have a great weekend 🙂

f x

PS - the chess rematch is this afternoon, so I'll let you know how I get on 😉

PPS - Im interested about what you do for work. If you feel comfortable talking about it, what will your temp job involve?

f x

Hi Ands,

Well done on picking yourself up from a bad day. If this was easy, none of us would be on here, so it is hard, but it's gonna be worth it for you and your boys.

Have a good time by the river today.

Take care,

DT.

Freda, my temping contact is working for a local college, the role IT Technician, bit of a boring contract, but its better than nothing. I am covering for someone who's going on holiday to New Zealand, if this person does not come back the job will be up for grabs.

Get's me thinking of my old job which i had worked in for nearly 9 years, that job was Network Adminstrator for my local council, that was a good job with a decent salary. I blew that job a casualty of my old gambling ways. I am a fairly bright kinda guy, but when it comes to gambling my brain and everything else seems to go down the loo.

Have had a nice time down by the river, the boys eating their dinner, and they are happy!

So i am having a pleasant saturday afternoon, gonna watch the X factor later with my boys cuddled up on sofa with a little junk food lol!

Life can be good, and today is a good day!!

I have not gambled today......................

Take care, ands

Hi ands

Sounds like you have found some peace and tranquility. It is good when it's going good. Keep it in the day. I'm looking forward to the X Factor too. I would love to go on it just for the hell of it. Have a good evening.

Take care

Steve E

Hi mate,

Nice to see you have had a good day, like you say the sun can lift our moods, and somehow make the world seem a brighter place, although not that bright with the hangover i have had all day...:-)

Sure the job will be just what you need, and hopefully will fill the time, and reduce any thoughts of gambling.

Eating junk on the sofa with the boy's sounds just the ticket mate, just remember you deserve this happy life, you have put some hard work into your recovery, there are many,many more good day's to come for you and the boy's i know it......:-)

keep strong mate.

green x

Ands, good to see you are seeing Wednesday for what it was. Not a lot really, imho. Glad to see you back on track. Hmmm, what have I learned about CGs over the years?

Usually intelligent people. Yep it is confusing when you consider that winning wasn`t the main reason why you gambled.

Sensitive people? Yes, certainly.

Many of my gambling friends, all attempting recovery, will talk of guilt, boredom, fear and anxiety behind their gambling. Holding my hands up to all of those.

Ands enjoy your weekend.

Yay!!!! lovely to hear you so happy ands.

Im watching the x factor repeat now, while posting - aw! bless that little blonde girl who was crushed she didnt get through 🙁

Hope you've had a good night in with your little men.

take care,

f x

Day 76 and i will not gamble today. Thank you for your posts on my diary.

Boys at their friends and i am cooking roast dinner today, sun is not shinig but i feel kinda ok....... Not sure whether or not to continue with counselling, does it realy help? dragging a whole heap of s**t up and making you feel like s**t! Dont realy know what to do about it.

Take care all, ands

Hi Ands

Have just caught up with your diary.

Keep up with the counselling. You need to deal with this heap of s**t to be able to let it go and move on. I thought the same when I went to counselling. What is the point of dragging up the past..why not let it stay there...in the past.....

As long as the past influences the present and the future there is a need to deal with it. Only when the past becomes just another memory can it be left alone.

I hope that makes sense. Keep working at your recovery. Feeling guilty about your slip doesn't help either. Boy, when I read about you apologising to the gamcarians I thought, yep, I would do the same...and then I thought....we are all very silly.....why do we beat ourselves up so very much.....over what???....one mistake, one wrong choice.....big deal.....the real deal is.....as long as we learn from our wrong choices, from the mistakes we make...then life is going to be ok......

Love and Hugs

God Bless

Charly