the first day of the rest of my life

Hello Maddie and welcome to the site.

You are giving yourself a real chance by facing your demons.

Maddie, sorry to hear that your Father died so young. The fact that he could not arrest his addiction, doesn't mean that you wont be able to arrest yours.

You say that you managed 11 months clean time before, so you know it is more than possible to gain that & more again. This site is very supportive, so you wont have to try alone 😉

Maybe you could tell us a bit about how you went about stopping for those 11 mths. before?

I believe it always helps to have your husband on board. Communication & Honesty are major factors in stopping all this... for gambling isn't called the 'secret addiction' for nothing. The moment that you start being honest with yourself & your husband the easier it can be to deal with... the addiction likes to remain a secret,

It would be wise to hand over all monies, cards etc. to him(or someone trusted) in the early days as No money = No gambling!

Keep receipts etc. of all monies spent, so that you can start becoming accountable. You will be surprised how little you actually need when you don't give it to the industry 😉

You say that you are using service stations at night... Well maybe handing your car keys over to hubby (or a colleague, if you work nights) will break the habit there of just being able to pop out 'as & when'.

Keep reading on the site here and any where that you can find information on addictions, the more you understand, the easier you will find this.... not to say that this isn't hard in the early days to break habbits... but it will get easier as you progress. Have you tried Gamblers Anonymous before? There may be a meeting near where you live. Its worth checking out, really good 'live' support from people just like yourself. Glad that you have already found 'chat' many sessions held through the week & sundays. Also 'Netline' is available if you would prefer a one to one, chat can be very busy at times ( I find it quite hard to keep up sometimes!)

Keep yourself busy. Just deal with each day as it arrives, don't look too far ahead. Doing something 'forever' can feel just too much... but we can all do something just for today. If a day feels too longer, then break that down into manageable sections.

So glad you have chosen recovery Maddie.

Take care

Jackie

thank you Jackie, wise words and i will try what you have suggested, although i do go into a panic if i havent any money but then am happy to fritter it all away in a machine, it makes no sense! this addiction is evil just when you think you have it beat it worms its way back in! I have changed my user name as you will probably notice, just because at the moment i do not want my family reading my posts.

another day today but wages go into bank tonight so it will be a toughy i hope to be able to write tomorrow that i havent touched it. wish me luck.

Hi... have also changed the names in my post for you... but please believe me that it is so much easier to own up to your family, in the beginning.

As I said this addiction thrives on secrets & lies... when you take that away it or you will not have anywhere to hide. This addiction can be evil... but only if you let it be that way.

Also, I'm sure your hubby would be pleased & supportive of your choice to change.

Jackie

Yes to be fair my husband is very supportive and I dont have many secrets from him, but there are still a few which are coming out slowly, I would rather tell him than he read about it, but I guess I am not completely ready yet. I want to prove to myself that I can stop again, i did it once and my life was so much better. I did go to GA but I found myself after 11 months lying to them as well, I even did the help line during those 11 months and loved helping other people, I still dont know what started it again. Before the 11 months I had a 6 months free before going back. I suppose I get complacent think I have it beat and then before i know it i'm back.

Hi Maddie,

Have you tried login into Netline here at gamcare. The staff are very friendly and can give you some advice re your debts & freezing interest rates etc. and anything else you may be unsure of. Netline is a one to one service, so it will be confidential.

Gamcare also hold regular 'chat session' but not usually Wed eve or Sats.

Hope this maybe of help to you.

Do anything that keeps you busy... even cleaning the oven! lol Or a nice pampering session. GA have a new website up & running with a forum & chat. Safe Harbor has an American 24/7 chat site that is used by people from all over the world. They will welcome you to chat or just listen if you prefer.

Maybe pop into others diaries here, Im sure you will find lots to relate to & with each other.

Stay strong

Jackie

I did it I did it! I managed to stay out of the bank account last night, money still there and we are paying bills with it at the moment and putting payment plans in place for some of the remainder. I feel so pleased with myself but it is only day 3 ...I had really bad urges last night but forced myself to goto sleep...phew.

Well done hun, first pay day is the worst I think, also all I did for the 1st few days was think about gambling non stop, even more that when I was actually playing, but it eased thankfully. It was a great feeling for me, not to waste all my money gambling and gave me a sense of pride knowing that I had food & the bills were paid and there was no stress or worry wondering how I was going to manage with nothing. Remember the good feeling you are having atm, long may it last xx keep strong xx

Hi Maddie.

I "WAS" addicted to online gambling for 3 years.Lost alot.I'm gamble free 3 months now and it feels great.Urge now and then but my wife has total control over money and it helps big time.

Good move coming on here as i've found this site very supportive.

Its nearly easier for me at times to write down what i feel than to talk about it.

Stay Strong.You can beat this!

Viggo.

Thank u guys for your support. Sadly I blew it last night and gambled, I found the card and went online but stopped a nats whisker away from emptying the account, I won enough to get through the month, but sadly my finger on the mouse seems to be separate from my brain, my brain says no stop, but finger just keeps on clicking. Gradually I lost it all...When the reality hit I was physically sick, and feel awful today. Why or why cant I do this? I feel that am persecuting myself and get some sort of sick pleasure out of being in pain. I have booked my first counselling session in April and that cannot come quick enough. I have so let myself down, but TODAY I will not gamble.

Hi Maddie,

You know the answer to your last post... Get yourself a blocker on the pc... while you still have some money! 😉

Make things as difficult as you can, to make that first bet.

Jackie

I know what you are saying Jackie is true, but and this is not an excuse for some reason it will not load on my pc, I have a small netbook called an asus EeePC and it doesnt have windows on it, I am going to Google it and see what I can find out, and see if there is something that will work on it thankx

hi Maddy

sounds like me talking when I read your diary. Only managed 4 days then thought I could just spend on the one site where I had set a limit. of course that didnt work. so here I go again. If at first you dont succeed try,try again. 2 days now and this time I'm determined to beat 4. Good luck.

carmelly

My husband and I made a decision today, we are going to buy a safe and then all monies cards and my small lappy can go in there when hubby not home, I will not know the combination and it just may work, well it is a start anyway!! My laptop does not support any of the blockers as it runs on Linux and we cannot find anything suitable so locking it away may be the next best thing. Really want to gamble tonight but account empty so luckily I cant. I really do want to *** this, out tomorrow with friends so hopefully mind will be elsewhere.