the first day of the rest of my life

Now me and my husband are officially separated I have too step up to the plate and manage my money, I didnt do so well last month, but this month I will be fully prepared. I have learnt from my counselling to identify the triggers, but I have to say good intentions go by the wayside when I am determined to gamble. This is a huge challenge, one that I am not sure I am ready for, I have got rid of a spare laptop I had, cannot gamble at work, so the only danger I have is when I bring my laptop home for the evening or weekend. I do like to do this because I have facebook and of course this site to use. Sooooo big decision, I will put betfilter on my work laptop and if questioned by my IT dept I will have to admit I have a problem. I have to remove the opportunity and that is the only way. So when I get paid the first thing I will do is download betfilter.

Maddie. ..there is NO shame in admitting to being a comp gambler. ..great idea bet filter. ..as you know I post from a mobile, maybes try that and can you self exclude from certain sites anyways ??? Keep up wi the counseling and posting here regulary..you can do it lassie. .so much to look forward too wi your new relationship(s) ..DON'T let gambling ruin them 😉

Hey maddie, thanks for posting on my diary. I can totally understand how u r feeling about managing ur money and not gambling it away. I get paid next week and I am going to buy Xmas pressies, will feel good to not waste my money. I hope things pan out for u next week. Keep strong, we can do this x

Thank you wp and Pink, I just have to tell you that last night my daughter told me for the first time in over 2 years that she loves me, OK, she had had a couple of glasses of wine but I know it came from her heart. She said I was so much more like my oldself and that happier times were ahead, we shared a mother and daughter moment and it was heart warming. PLEASE dear god do not let me ruin this again. I need to be strong so strong, and I CAN DO IT.

How lovely, wtg maddie yes you can do it, big hugs and welldone

Well, this is turning out to be the BEST weekend, now I have been invited to my sisters with the rest of the family for Boxing Day YAY!!!!!

I feel the biggest corner has been turned and I am off the naughty step! BUT now the hard works starts because I cannot revert to my old ways, and I cannot have any blips the self destructive me has got to stay firmly locked in the cupboard and never ever must find the key. Levelled headed, sensible me is out and proud and every day although a challenge MUST be gamble free.

Great post maddie and NO You CANNOT revert back to your old ways maddie !!!! And YOU won't 😉 stay strong and make your family proud of you 🙂

Thank you for the nice message Maddie:),i'm really pleased to read that all the really important things in life are gradually coming back for you now:),i hope you are coping well now you and your husband are separated,the main thing is that you both feel that it's the right decision:).

Best wishes,Seano.

So pleased to hear that life is going really well for you now and that you have Christmas to really look forward to.

And even more pleased to hear that you are still aware that this continues to be a very difficult road to recovery.

But hey, one step at a time. And we WILL all get there!

Getting There

Great news maddie, things are really looking up for you. Keep strong you can do it x

Betfilter on, phew.............opportunity removed.

That was a close one maddie, glad that you

have the block in place. Keep strong x

Just an update as I havent been on here for a while, I hope all of you are doing well, life for me is going well, my husband and I are still apart but getting on very well, so time apart is doing us good. I am happy that I am coping with out gambling and managing to control my own money. Not sure that would be the case without betfilter though, it is a lifesaver. I am going on holiday in 8 weeks time to south Africa, on my own, to visit a friend of 30+ years, and I brought my own ticket!!! Couldnt have done that this time last year. I have completed my counselling and understand myself a little better, but know that I tread a very fine line between being "good" i..e no gambling and being" bad"!! My family relationships have come on in leaps and bounds and for that I am grateful, I know that to get another chance would be non existent and I try to bring that to the forefront of my mind at least once a day. i wish you all best wishes and will catch up with a few old friends diaries.

Great reading maddie 😉 best wishes,we can do this 🙂

At last I have tracked down my old diary, I cannot believe it is so many months since I have written anything. Well, life is good, no gambling, and a much happier family life. Sadly another job has gone under the guise of redundancy, but do you know what we are managing on one salary, because mostly all of my gambling debts have been paid, just a few small amounts that I am covering with my jobseekers allowance. My husband and I are back together, although still not living together 24/7. More of practicality problems rather than not wanting too. His Mum, who he has been staying with has terminal cancer, so it is not really the time to upsticks and move back. I dont want to get complacent and tell you that stopping is easy, but i do seem to be under control right now, i have the most beautiful granddaughter, born 14 months ago and she is filling my heart with so much love, the thought of her being taken out of my life, which would happen if I went back to gambling, is enough to stop any stupid thoughts I may have. It doesnt mean that anyone else in my family means less, but she has cast a spell over me and that suits me.

I once met a man at GA who said he had 2 choices to gamble or not to gamble, but when you are in the grip of the addiction you have no choice. When in recovery the choice is back, and i choose not to. Its working for me right now.