The hardest confession

It's not depression Kram, it's just a settling in period.

I won't lie, it's far from easy and you can have as many people as you like on here saying don't beat yourself up, don't dwell, keep looking to the future etc. but it won;t stop you from thinking about the past when it's so raw.

You're doing a great thing by being open and honest, and this is the exact place for it.  Many of us have been through the highs of quitting (it's similar to that weird feeling of freedom when a relationship ends) and then the lows that inevitably follow.

Keep it up mate.  It does get better.  Remember those feelings of pride.  Hold onto them and use them as a driving force.  You've got this.

Thank you bdog, yet again some words of wisdom and comfort from your good self!

Isn’t it odd how sometimes recovery can completely take over and overwhelm you?

much akin to what gambling did to us all, I suppose?

difference with recovery I guess is that you will see a gradual improvement and be on a permanent upward curve, rather than the occasional high and multiple lows of gambling?

for the record I know I’m waffling! But I just need to write down my thoughts.

I have been very caught up in my own thoughts and emotions today, perhaps not the best thing for me, but all part of the recovery process.

now, as we move towards the end of the day my mind feels clearer and as always I’m very much looking forward to group chat at 20:00.

Day 6 of recovery

i am so glad that I’ve put all the required blocks in place for my addiction!

i say this because I currently find myself broken down on the roadside, with an approximate wait time of 2-4 hours on recovery. This would normally be a time that I would gamble recklessly and then bemoan my luck about the situation I’m in and what got me there in the first place!!

but today is different, whilst my situation is not good, it’s out of my control, whilst I would normally gamble I will not, because I can’t! In fact it gives me an opportunity to catch some sleep and be paid for it, or continue reading my Allen Carr book that I purchased last night!

either way this is an initially bad situation that would normally get worse, which due to control measures now won’t! And my time gained will be put to good use!

its funny sometimes how quickly things can change, and more so how quickly you can notice them and reap the rewards!

stay safe my GF warriors!

I find myself quite short fused this evening, not sure if it’s tiredness or withdrawal?

who am I kidding?!! Of course it’s withdrawal, it’s payday after all, and not a penny of it has gone towards gambling, looking forward to getting a good nights sleep and waking up feeling refreshed tomorrow, the by the time I finish my next day at work I will be on day 9 GF.

i have started reading the Allen Carr book on gambling addiction as recommended to me on group chat last night, considering I NEVER read, I’m quite proud of the fact I’m 117 pages in, perhaps its an easier read as I can relate to every sentence?

will never be too sure how well it works until I reach the end, but I will be sure to let you all know.

Kram

Kram,

It would be a minor miracle not to be short fused after your morning broken down on the roadside! Payday is hard but the day after can feel so good. Great stuff on your progress with the book. Be good to yourself x

Last week

This time last week I was gambling, and gambled to the point that I had to walk 8 miles home, the one week milestone is and interesting one to reach.

Admittedly it is only a week that I have been GF, but in that week I have learnt a lot about myself, my immediate family and the devil that is gambling.

If quitting gambling is something that you’re considering, then stop considering and start doing!

Yes it can be hard to start with, but each day gets easier, be brave enough to tell those closest to you, the ones who care about your well being will help you on your journey.

Be proud each day that you go gamble free, don’t be ashamed should you wake up thinking about gambling! It happens to the best of us, the key is to not act on it!

We are very lucky that we can put barriers into place to help us fight our addictions, some addicts do not have such luxury, don’t be afraid to reach out for help, GamCare provides it in abundance! If you’re willing to commit and apply yourself, then there is a support network to help you on every step!

Just want to express thanks to all who have helped me this far.

Yellows

Murlo

Drama

Mixer

Bal

Bdog

Boo radley

And many others I’m sure, but I can’t remember everyone’s names!

My most sincerest thanks for your continued support in this first week for me.

May you and your loved ones live a happy new year.

X

Kram, 

When you look back on all that you have achieved in this first week it is amazing. If you haven't done it yet, read your whole diary back. You have exactly the right attitude to keep passing these milestones Kram.  You are a great support to me and I suspect many others on here. Thank you and well done ?

Kind words as ever murlo.

thank you

Good morning,

today is day 9 GF for me, and for the first time since my confession I actually woke up feeling clear in the mind, and I won’t lie, it feels absolutely brilliant!!!

i even had a smile come across my face on the way to work, not forced, not provoked or prompted by someone else, but from right within, my inner happiness!

whilst we allow this addiction to eat us up from the outside in, my feelings today are proof that it can be reversed! And that good will always overpower evil!

i accept that I have many challenges ahead, but today not only do I feel like I’m further up the mountain, but the sun is shining too!

stay safe my lovely’s!

kram

Kram, what a lovely post to read. Enjoy every moment of your happiness, you deserve to x

Thanks murlo, you and many others have helped me to this point

So the high of yesterday is not so apparent today(it really is an emotional rollercoaster!!) I’m taking pride of the fact that today is day 10 GF for me.

i have my first counselling session this afternoon, originally I was excited but now find myself nervous. My reason for this is that I’m worried that it will turn into a blame game, certain things I feel that have put unnecessary pressure on me throughout my life etc.

the last thing I want to do I upset anyone, especially my wife, but feel in order to continue MY recovery I may have to

kram

Kram,

Day 10, another milestone. Well done!

In terms of counselling, I felt the same at the start. All I will say is that exploring things that may have impacted on you and your life is nothing to do with blame. It is about understanding what has affected you. It is inevitable that it involves talking about people who you are close to. I wish you all the best for your first session x

Had my counselling assessment this afternoon, it was helpful and horrible in equal measure! Perhaps my issues run deeper than I was ever aware?

She quickly established that I have an all or nothing attitude and told me that it’s a good quality to have

just another step on the journey