The hardest confession

Good morning,

I’ve woken up today with less thoughts about gambling, and more thoughts of positivity and aspiration.

i have decided to make my closest friend aware of my confession before I see him tonight, mostly I think, because i don’t want him finding out through anyone else, I know that he will not judge but will actually just listen to what I’ve decided to do and respect and support my choices.

today is quite a big day as I will be going to the casino to enrol onto the SENSE scheme, my wife has agreed to come with me for support and I think we will be going to Nando’s for lunch afterwards?

i shall be leaving my bank cards at home tonight so that any lingering doubts my wife may have can hopefully be put at ease.

during a brief exchange with a friend this morning I came to a realisation.

all the time that I have access to gambling establishments I have the ability to relapse, therefore I know that by restricting my ability to enter said establishments I am putting a sensible barrier in place.

i will not lie, IF I could afford to do it, I would happily sit in a casino day in day out(this perhaps shows just how entertaining I find them?) but I know that I CANNOT afford to do this, but would try to do it with any money I could get my hands on! And put myself in a worse situation than I am already in.

i know I am doing the right thing today, and although I may not feel the effect of it immediately, I know that it will all be better in the long run.

hoping to report good news on chat later?

until then stay safe and GF people

kram

It would be a good idea for your wife to read up on the addiction and start to get an idea of what she's up against. Like it or not (and none of us f&f do) she's the rational one in this and she needs to be ready to be on top of everything financial. It's encouraging that you're willing to offer her that control. I hope you can convince her she needs to step up. Once everything is set up it isn't as daunting as it sounds.

Good stuff Kram.

Check a few of my recent posts.  There is hope and many things you are doing are a great start.

SENSE registration done!!

a very odd feeling to start with, felt quite emotional en route to the casino, but when they asked the question “why?” And I said because I’m a gambling addict  another pound of pressure lifted off my shoulders.

whilst it is hard to make that step and put the barriers in place, we should be grateful that those of us with this addiction have the option to use such barriers, just imagine where we would be without them?!!

happy new year one and all!

kram

Posted by: kramllewop

SENSE registration done!!

a very odd feeling to start with, felt quite emotional en route to the casino, but when they asked the question “why?” And I said because I’m a gambling addict  another pound of pressure lifted off my shoulders.

whilst it is hard to make that step and put the barriers in place, we should be grateful that those of us with this addiction have the option to use such barriers, just imagine where we would be without them?!!

happy new year one and all!

 

kram

I'm proud of you mate. Well done. All the right steps innit? 🙂 x 

Drama. 

Thank you drama, it’s all part of the process that I’ve realised I have to go through.

As things stand I have these blocks in place.

1.SENSE registration for land based casinos

2.gamban installed on both devices

3.banned from 2 nearest bookmakers, but will be extending this to cover city wide

4.this is perhaps the biggest block I could have implemented, confessing my addiction to my wife.

this was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but could be the difference between living a LIFE and living a LIE!

many hurdles for me to overcome, but as I find myself saying a bit too often lately, many small steps will still get you up the mountain.

thanks to all for helping me on my journey so far.

wishing you and your loved ones a healthy and GF 2020!

kram

Hi Kram,

Time to breathe and relax for a bit. A lot of blocks and a lot of work has taken place by you recently. Well done.

Lots of obstacles still to cross but take a step back and give yourself a massive pat on the back.

Best

Bal, 

many thanks for those kind words, following our early exchanges it means a lot.

wishing you and your loved ones all the best for 2020.

kram

Brave, honest and something you should be proud of.

Keep that feeling of pride.  Don't dwell on the past....be happy you've taken the steps to a better life.  Happy New year and Happy New you

Great. Its all good news kramllewop.

Make it a day of pride when you self exclude. Make sure that they know who you are and you dont want to gamble any more. Its brill that your wife will come along as welcome support.  They were far from your friends so its not actually hard to do...dont stand for any messing...you dont have to be rude but you can be firm

My best advice is that you need to keep talking it through with her. Your feelings and everything. She will need to take a more pro active role and you should ideally be on an allowance.

Make no mistake both of you...this is an addiction now on the back foot trying to rally its strength to get back at you. With strong blocks and a renewed energy your mind will heal and the addiction will fade.

You can never be complacent for the rest of your life but that is a positive statement you can build on.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

duplicate post

Hi Kram,

Today you've sent out a real statement of intent. Be proud, be happy & be optimistic for 2020. Now it's time to add the final ingredient, DETERMINATION.

Best Wishes Fella

AL

Afternoon all,

today I have returned to work following Christmas, and I’ve found it to be quite an emotionally challenging day, I suspect this is because I drive for a living and it provides me with plenty of time to think.

perhaps I am feeling a bit depressed? Perhaps I’m feeling sorry for myself and shame for what I’ve allowed myself to be?

i don’t know what it is I’m feeling right now, but I know that the high of starting my recovery has now dropped to a low, it’s difficult trying to pick myself up time and again, but I’m aware that it is ME that got myself to this point and only ME that can get myself back out again!(of course with the support of loved ones and the GamCare community!)

I’m sorry that I can’t bring much positive news to you all today, but I’m being honest in how I feel, and will hopefully be able to straighten myself out and go on the offensive again, rather than wanting to shut out the world.

i am however going to be 5 days GF by the end of tonight, that will be a positive from today’s events.

Kram

Hi Kram,

I  sorry that today had been tough emotionally. You have put yourself through a lot recently and it is normal go feel like this. You are doing really well.  I feel similar, I try to take a moment to remember how I felt the last time I had a bad day as a gambler. It helps.me reset myself. 

Keep strong x

Thank you murlo, was lovely to read comforting words from you.