The next chapter..... AdamPoker, Adam123,

So hows the gamlbing recovery going? well tbf ive only thought of gamlbing on a few occasions over the past year.......its not been on my radar mostly..... when i walk past a bookie maybe i think about it.....or i have some moment at home on the internet where im bored and i reminisce about poker days and think lets have another go at it.......thnakfully moments where i see fruit machines are no more as i dont go in pubs resulting in less of this thankfully....

Im now over 1700 days without a single bet....... wow..... when i came here in 2015...... i literally couldnt manage three days......i couldnt think straight......my mind was filled with plusses and minusses..... i just thought ooo up ooo down ooo down ooo down.....start again.....ooo up.....oo down it was crazy..... it made no sense.....i wasted sooo long on this.  im thankful to be in what feels like the other side of illness..... to a place of relative calm.

A big big part of my life is my mental health...... its controlled my work life...... my social life...... my home life......my relationships......my lonliness at times.......it controls when i see friends and family and work collegues....... it controls when im off sick.....its controlled my independence for a decade......but now im living independently again........ working 25 hours a week in a job that gives me satisfaction and pride........ im able to invite friends and family over....... have bbqs and play games.......watch the football.....it gives me satisfaction of no end......

I had a episode in march.......and thankfully i got thru it and was only off work for 4 weeks....it took a lot of bravery to get thru that episode and even more bravery to go back to work soo soon...... Im now back to full strength and can look to improve other areas of my life now.

one thing that it impacts a lot is my social life..... i cant go to pubs with friends ...... or go to festivals.....or go abroad as i get voices and episodes as a result..... so ive learnt to stay at home......and invite friends and family over....... All in all ive learnt the hard way how to live a forfilling life.

So heres to this new chapter....ill conitinue to write on this thread now..... ups and owns..... physical and mental updates... how im feeling,.... whats going down...... anyone fancies posting on here be lovely to hear from like minded non gambling peers........friends...... potential friends..... rock and roll... lets do this!!!!

Absolutely wonderful account of your feelings and fights, mate. True and honest.

It's a pleasure speaking with you most nights in the chatroom and it's great to see you continuing to improve your lifestyle and manage your mental health.

You, along with a few others in here have been a big help to me at the start of my journey into recovery and I appreciate that.

I look forward to your next installment. Keep going strong.

Enjoyed reading your post and can relate to a lot of what u said and it’s great you are doing so well and all the best for the future 

Greta day today...... i put harland as tripple captin and he scored a hatrick....also son scored two and spurs won four nill.

Im playing at the top of my game i feel...... The league im usually in im comfotably top which is great howver the ga league weve started im fourth and it seems its a lot harder...... namely due to everyone not having harland in the league im usually in which gives me a great advantage.

All good here tho.... first day of my holiday and i feel rested after a day on the sofa where up until four pm id only walked 35 steps lol not 300 or 3500 but 35 !!!!!! lol

Thanks for popping by jay and dazza...... this comunity is really storng and i hope we can all do well and support each other thru this period of our lives and into a more successful future as a  result.

All the best adam xxx

Another week done and dusted...... back for a weekly progress report......Had a week off work which was very nice...... had a few friends over for burgers and computer games....... done some diy...... bought and put up some pictures in my flat...... pretty much finnished my flat now....... really liking how it looks...... all the purchases for the flat over the past two years.... boy there was a lot to buy...... ive bought sofas, chairs, tables, tv stand, bed, mattress, mirrors, coat hook, microwave, oven, fridge freezer, lino flooring, blinds, plants, tv, xbox, playstation, vr2 headset, pictures, throws, headphones, controllers, table, mop, cleaning stuff, the list goes on...... also ive got new fences, new boiler, new carpets, ......A TOTAL REFURB REALLY......

But now i should be able to sit back and reap the rewards of this work..... I can focus on paying back debts and saving for retirment....Ive spent couple of hours working out food shopping for the month ahead and how much i can realistically save for the next six months....... im allowing 100 pounds a month to live on including all food and social life...... yep pretty extreme budget...... but i really like the simple pleasures in life.... ive managed to get gym membership for 24 a month......ive managed to get all gaming subs, sky sports, disney, apple plus, bt sport, spotify, and internet for my flat for around 60 pounds a month (i worked out if i paid full price for all of this it would be 180 pounds a month so its pretty good going).

Fitness wise i managed to go to the gym every weekday during my week off...... mon - fri.....doing 10k steps each day......this keeps me in good shape for work coming up.....i rested over the weekend so should put me in good stead for this week coming up...

Work wise i worked some overtime in june and got paid for it yesturday....i was a bit dissappointed as it was 35 pounds less than i thought it would be due to tax...... so it worked out id worked for roughly 8 pounds an hour...... i instantly thought no way im doing that again!!!!!! however in hindsight that overtime over two weeks will pay for sky sports for three months or my elctricity for two months so it was worth it..... so ill say yes to overtime if it comes up in the future.

Theyve advertised for another porter and hopefully we get someone good.....we will see i guess...... My supervisor who i didnt really get on with too well as he was a bit of a bully in some respects has quit...... this has made for a ne wporter pposition which is good as he had been off sick for a long time...... lets see who we get hopefully someone nice.

Weightwise i weighed myself at under 85 kgs tonight...... 5 kgs left to lose......my stumach is flat now and im feeling a lot more healthy.....with the tight budget i have been eating a few frozen pizzas and pasta bakes which is worse for the waistline however its a balance.....little bit of everything..... ill aim to eat these this month along with getting some strawberries and melon if i can get it in budget then go to the gym lots and hopefully ill still lose the weight....if it comes back on ill spend a bit more on getting fresh food again more.

Ive been invited to meet up in pub next saturday locally to see an old friend and a few others....i however invited them over my flat to save money....however whenever i do these types of social things with friends like these i get voices in the evening after and no sleep and sometimes it results in an episode....so with this in mind i cancelled it and said that as a reason...they were fine......My mental health really does affect my living life a great deal but ive learnt how to deal with it and the ways to cope well.

All the best adam

Hi another week has gone by....... Had a nightmare wedsnesday night a bad one and woke and had voices untill the morning so i took the thursday off work and slept to catch up......

Work however this week has gone well.......i weeded the balconies.......swept the reception are outisde.....swept the car park of leaves..... took out bins and cleaned.......took out confidential waste...... delivered stationary and all other supplies..... really i love what i do and it gives me satisfaction.... and my new boss is great....hes been here a year almost now and really has been great for out dept.

My thirst to achieve more financially is coming accross in everything i do in life...... pretty much everything i do i free or at home in my spare time..... friends have tried to get me out but i disregard invitations and invite them over mine to save money..... my ffriends have been over a lot over the past two years and are probably getting bored of coming over? i don't know but they are trying to get me out.....maybe as i said to one when they invited me out with their girlfriend and their friend i said i get quite awkward and turned down the invitation plus an other time i said when instead of going out with an old friend i said that id get voices after so wouldnt come out?..... but it's true that the skitsophrenia impacts my social life a lot and i like to save money now and have become accustomed to staying here in my social life outside of work......

I don't know whether i should aim to go out more or stay with the program........ im pretty used to staying in now but i dont want to lose friends and build up more anxiety around social situattions?

Anyway soo far this month ive paid 84 pounds for boiler service and 1 pound 40pence at waitrose ......a long with 12 pounds at sainsburys....and that's it..... at mo ill have saveed 700 pounds this month if i spend no more......

Gym sessions going well eating not soo well........ need to improve........but striving towards end goal well.

all the best adam xx

Really great to see you doing so well, Adam.

I understand that you feel anxious about socialising in public but maybe taking your friends up on an offer at some point might be a good idea. Set yourself a budget and a time limit so that you don't feel like you can't leave. getting out once in a while may do you a bit more good?

Keep the positive updates coming mate and keep smashing it.

Yes Jay exactly that....im going to focus on seeing people more thru my spare time.....doesnt have to cost anything....can visit park.....get out of flat more......i visit gym a lot.......parks....town.....get out of town a bit more to and visit friends and family......allbeit it will cost more but i think i need to get out of the box actions a bit more.

This weekend ive reflecting a lot...... and this afternoon i looked at myself in the mirror ..... im wearing a tee shirt (one of many ive got recently from my folks) as ive gone from xl size down to Large.... now this green tee shirt is almost a medium really as its pretty small and i wore it back when i was 20 and it now fits again.....i stood in front of the mirror and thought to myself YES I AM HAPPY WITH HOW I LOOK!!!!!...... Allbeit id done a lot of weights just before so was toned and my man boobs looked more like pecks..... and my stumach went inwards from where my ribs are......where six months ago my belly went out a lot and i just wasnt happy with how i looked.....

So in the other fitness thread i talk aboujt my fitness so i wont talk about that on here but im going to focus on building my upper body and turning my man boobs and pecks!!!!!!

This is the next Aim of mine.....

Soo far on gamcare ive achieved.....giving up Drugs, smoking, gambling, alcohol and now ive lost 5kgs ....

Next is build myslef up a bit..... id dont want to look like a body builder ...... id rather look like a swimmer or tennis player...... a tall order....... but i dont do small orders......

This is the next gamcare step for me.....

All the best Adam xxxx

Thanks for the support jay and pink and lids and weird fish ......

And i really hope to see or hear from young guy to see hes ok after the month he had from helll i hope hes out the other side.

Here i aim a week later......

Work this week went well..... my boss was off and the other porter was also off for the thurs and friday......so that left just me in....... i had the week well under control..... and luckily i have been healthy and happy throughout.

Exercise wise done a lot of steps at work...... i went to the gym on the monday.....but havent been since as was doing lots at work anyway...........Weekend off exercise.......will get back into it next week.

My sister and nephews and niece are coming over tomo.... then the spurs arsenal game where i hope we do well (understatement lol)......

Also im currently 191,000 out of the 10,000,000 players in the fant footy great start....... and im looking to stay there thru my passion for the game and knowledge of footy plus a hell of a lot of luck......

Al the best Adam