The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists

Where did the hours go? Yesterday was over before I knew it.

Thanks ODAAT. I do not blame you for missing the punchline. My wit (if you can call it that) is obscure at the best of times. People who know me find that I am the friendliest but most comlplicated of people! If I am honest I only just reaslised you were chromosomally "different" to me!

Tonight is my second GA meeting. I am rather looking forward to it. I would best describe my local GA meeting as a working man's club of lost soul's trying to find their way home. Just like on this forum, all stories are very sad, but some are inspirational. There is the man who only last week was sitting on the roof of his house. Then there is the other man who counts 7469 days without a bet. There is comaraderie in those meeting rooms. It is very much a case of "over the top boys" together, with the stength afforded to us by the greater being (which can be whatever your conscience tells you) we can defeat the ruthless enemy know as addiction.

Just another 8 busy hours of work to go.

Wishing all a good day.

Mark

I didn't miss it when I bothered to read it properly 🙂 I am indeed XX (ooo good job I don't do kisses) although as I like to point out, I do know the offside rule so anyone that thinks I'm a geezer is forgiven as that counts as 'getting to show off' 😉

GA sounds a bit like a Playstation & it's great you are benefitting from it 🙂

Keep fighting the enemy - ODAAT

Thanks ODAAT. The meeting dragged a little bit last night. Not everyone from last week was there. Some of the people strike me as very angry. I cannot blame them and fair play to them for trying to do something about it but it does make me feel unfomfortable. Not feeling that I fit in so much. At least I have not gambled. This weekend would usually be big on my calendar with the rugby and cricket all happening but I am content not to jeopardise what I have.

Still at the office. 9 hours and counting. All but one has buggered off home. Had I not been forced to cover my colleague I would be home with my family now as well. Oh well. At least I am not gambling. Just a couple more hours. 8.30 is movie night with my family. Nachos, chicken wings and the Croods - something to look forward to. M

Dear Diary,

So sorry for neglecting you this weekend. Too busy not gambling and enjoying time with family to dwell on negative emotions wrought through addiction.

Abstinence is coming very easy at the moment. There are many urges but these die as soon as I remember that as soon as I place that first bet, I will be at addiction's mercy once again. If I bet I will re-enter my state of trance, day and night will merge, positivity will become negativity and the value of money and the true value of family will be distorted.

I took a selfie of myself whilst hiding in the office gents last year. The look of me, red-eyed, flushed, unshaven, unkempt, sweating, scared. When I look at that photo I can remember exactly how desperately low and terrified I was feeling. I never want to feel like that again.

This weekend I purchased the most expensive pair of footware I ever have courtesy of a gift card I received from a grateful client. Brown leather pair of Chelsea Boot from Dune. Absolutely loving them. In my gambling days I would have sold the gift card on ebay and probably gambled the proceeds. Having said that, had I been gambling my client would not have received the same level of service. I look forward to strutting about the place like a man addicted to a gamble free life.

Mark

I wonder wy e bay is censored?

Hi Mark,

Well done on your gambling free days you are coming across sooo much more positive now.

Probably censored because of it being a buying and selling site lol.

Keep going and keep positive.

Suzanne xx

Thanks Suzanne - much appreciatedx

I have a bit of a positive dilemma on my hands right now. Kind of like having 8 world class strikers on my team!

My wife just forwarded an e-mail to me received from the well know blue and yellow betting establishment. It would seem that two substantial bets placed in October last year were settled incorrectly. The bets have now been resettled in my favour. All I need to do is walk in to the establishment and collect my winnings. I say "all I need to do!" Need to be strong here!

Mark

WOW Mark that's great news (in one way) lol.

To think they are giving you money back, if that was me I would go in there all ready prepared in my mind, that they are losing money not me, whether it be a fiver, 50 or 500 lol. I would come out of there with a big smile, because picking those winnings, up is a big fat positive, I didn't give in.

Be very positive and determined when you go in,thinking how taking your money and immediately leaving will give you such a big strong positive boost with your recovery.

Please let me know how you get on sending you positive thoughts, but if I did not feel strong enough, I would force myself to not go.

Suzanne xx

Hey Mark,

No worries and don't feel guilty about not posting on diaries.but please let me know what you decide to do,

Take care and stay safe,

Suzanne xx

There am I, unflinching, resolute, a man on a mission, walking in to the blue and yellow shop. There am I, handing in my withdrawal request. There am I, drinking their free coffee, eating their free biscuits, P*****g in their P****r. There am I saying: "I have had the biggest win I am ever likely to have in my life. I do not need to come back." There am I, heldheld high, walking out with a wad of cash. Here I am, not looking back!

Mark you have just made my day, you have gifted me so much with that last post.

Just one thing I would like to say, DONT LOOK BACK, because if you did (like me) you would LOSE big style because you like me would/could not stop.

Take this as a very big POSITIVE, because you have won in more ways than one, and you have continued to starve that hideous addiction.

Just one more thing, put that money out of reach, that addiction will now be stalking, and waiting, it will be very hungry now, if you let your guard down.

Enjoy your victory, please don't go back for more.

Take care and think sensible.

Suzanne xx

Great read this diary, written superbly.

Lots of truths which sometimes feel better typed than spoken.

I have a good read of the diaries once a month or so just to remind me of where I've come from, if you're ever in need of inspiration read your own from day 1, I'm sure it will bring home the harsh reality of what damage we can do to our lives.

Not naming names, but Suzanne, NT and TC (particularly appreciate your massive compliment by the way) thank you for your support yesterday. What could have been a very difficultday was in the end very easy. Money in the bank. Some additional bills paid off which will over the next few months save us double what I won.

Today has been a great day. Usually when I am not gambling, I am conscious that I am not gambling and am on guard for that next urge. If I am honest I cannot remember at what time today the actual existence of gambling itself crossed my mind. I will not get ahead of myself but I think this is a very big step in my recovery.

Here I am at my desk. Now into the 12th hour of my day. Fourth hour of unpaid overtime. But I am ok. I am about to make me a cup of coffee (milk - one sugar) and will spend an hour doing some "housekeeping" - producing bills for which we already have the money on account. I enjoy this aspect of my job as rendering that final reasonable invoice makes the job tangible. And if the big man is as good as his word (and he always is) a quarter of that belongs to my family.

Sounds great but not so great when recession hits.That was one of the triggers in the first place. Imagine being overworked to the point of exhaustion one minute to find that the next you have completed the days work by 10am, have 8 hours in the office with nothing to do, and then get put on a four day week - again sounds great but in fact you only get paid for four days - you still have to come in and do nothing pretty much for five. I am grateful for the economic upturn. I am grateful for coffee that is not making itself. I am grateful for my family who I will be at home with in an hour and a half if I finish this entry now...

Another gamble free day.

Very much concerned with the question: "what could Gamcare possibly find offensive about the word "gr asp"!

Hi Markman, thanks for dropping by, I know you know I'm not abandoning you but I didn't quite get round to thanking everyone last night so tying up my loose ends now!

It's odd what it chooses to censor but somethingsgottagive hit on the 'cure' chuck in a capitalisation & yep, you've *** ed it 😉

Keep enjoying life & looking after your clients! I won't be a complete stranger, I promise, this site has given me too much! Stay strong - ODAAT