The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists

Time to revive this thread, I think.

My addiction has been somewhat of a dormant volcano, but has now erupted with great vigor.

After a few years of gambling on and off with elements of control, I am back here with the realisation that control is something that compulsive gamblers do not have. The control will also leave and leave in its wake a trail of destruction.

In this case, the destruction is a mass of credit card debt that I can repay over a year or so, but at a cost to my peace of mind. Anyone who has been in this position knows the pain of the financial burden and the guilt and depriving their family.

This morning, I called the National Self-Exclusion line for a third time and excluded from literally every betting shop within a 10 mile radius which, in London, amounts to hundreds. I need to take recovery seriously. I also want to. I want to go back to the days when gambling was not even a thing. I miss reading an old book such as the one to which the title of my thread refers.

I am now nervous as I need to get through the next two weeks with little cash and need to pay back a friend who lent me a few hundred pounds. He will be paid back, but will have to wait until month end. I will continue to feel nervous until he is paid back and until I have cash in the bank to enable me to function normally once more. I miss that. I also feel nervous as I know that I cannot gamble my way out of my current temporary mire. At least I cannot make things worse.

I will get through this.

Time to revive this thread, I think.

My addiction has been somewhat of a dormant volcano, but has now erupted with great vigor.

After a few years of gambling on and off with elements of control, I am back here with the realisation that control is something that compulsive gamblers do not have. The control will also leave and leave in its wake a trail of destruction.

In this case, the destruction is a mass of credit card debt that I can repay over a year or so, but at a cost to my peace of mind. Anyone who has been in this position knows the pain of the financial burden and the guilt and depriving their family.

This morning, I called the National Self-Exclusion line for a third time and excluded from literally every betting shop within a 10 mile radius which, in London, amounts to hundreds. I need to take recovery seriously. I also want to. I want to go back to the days when gambling was not even a thing. I miss reading an old book such as the one to which the title of my thread refers.

I am now nervous as I need to get through the next two weeks with little cash and need to pay back a friend who lent me a few hundred pounds. He will be paid back, but will have to wait until month end. I will continue to feel nervous until he is paid back and until I have cash in the bank to enable me to function normally once more. I miss that. I also feel nervous as I know that I cannot gamble my way out of my current temporary mire. At least I cannot make things worse.

I will get through this.

5 Days Gamble free today. The self-exclusion is paying off as I am not even going to bother attempting to gamble as the local shops know me and will not let me. Deep down I know the store workers will be happy that I am getting a grip on my addiction. I feel a little low today. The desire to gamble is still there and the bank account is low until payday in a week or so. But I have been here many times before. I know this itchy and empty feeling will subside soon as the chemicals in my brain start to drain and my emotional state hits an equilibrium. It is useful having experience as I  recognise the feeling of boredom, anxiety and restlessness - feelings that I know that time will heal soon.

8 Days Gamble Free. My head is clear but full of angst. 7 days until payday. I just need to make it to then and can then regroup and focus on recovery rather than how I  am going top scrape through to month end.

How’s things going Markman? Long time no speak. I had to create a new account to get back in here. We used to chat a lot in the past. Hope you’re well but sad to see you had to recently revise the thread. Ragged trousered was the first thing I searched for.