The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists

Markman

Fella great to see you are embracing recovery, I really do believe it is a gift.

One we can only bestow upon ourselves, one we have to treat like priceless porcelain, as it is truly fragile, we can smash it all to easily.

That being said it is a sight to behold, it should be paraded left out for everyone to see, to enjoy.

It is the one selfish act that us the compulsive gambler can participate in that will have a profoundly positive effect on many more folks lives than just our own.

I conclude to own it you have to have endured the long suffering pain of the progressive losses addiction brings, emotional and financial in tandem.

I often find myself thinking 'have I paid enough to have life membership'

The answer a resounding YES, I know only you can answer the same question

My hope simple

You too are a fully paid up member of a unique club.

The only one which see's it's members win every day without staking a single penny.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hey Mark,

Hope you're well. There are some strange words that are blocked on here, its frustrating to write a post and then see a word is censored.

Well done on making the right choices earlier this week, you've made huge progress and I look forward to reading your diary as it grows.

ps. wasn't Better Call Saul just brilliant this week, its getting better week by week.

Phil

Thanks agan Mr-T.

Payday. Bills paid. Money set aside for month. No urges to squander it.

Third hour of overtime. Only two more hours of work or so to go.

No overtime pay, but come pay review time the hard work will come home to roost.

I told my Rosanne things will get better very rapidly from here. I am back. Come spring this will all seem like a bad dream. There will be massive debts to repay, but they will be under control and I will still be able to give my family the things they deserve; not just what they need.

Very rare grammatical usage of the semi-colon there. Followed quicly by a hyphen. Where do we go from here? Question.

As the gamble free days go by, my smile broadens and my head looks up. I realise that I am noticed and command some respect.

Roll on spring. As the days brighten so does my face. As the air warms so does my mood. Metamorphisis. The gambler in me in secure a cocoon. As spring dawns the real me with emerge and with it, the man the had all the answers, the provider, the respected.

Chance text message from an entirely new online company with the promise of a free bet with no deposit. How could I refuse? Account set up, free bet staked, free bet lost. Done. Account closed. No financial damage, but I had quite nearly undone all that hard psyciological work of the past six weeks. Whilst that bet was in play I allowed myself to be overcome by all of the those vain hopes and emotions that gambling offers. Thank goodness that bet lost. I know that it is not about the money. It is about overcoming the desire to gamble and developing an immunity to that negative force that compels you to do so. For hours yesterday I succumbed to that very force and had it not been for my wanting to re-post here with a clean bill of health, who knows what state I would be in now. For that reason I have set the gamblometer to zero as of yesterday. For a few hours yesterday, I was not gambling with money, I was gambling with my recovery, a stake far too great to entertain again. A stark lesson duly learned!

Mark
You understand the concept of recovery & that gives me every hope for your success. A lesson learnt from a relapse can give some the kick up the a**e they need. Have you thought of changing your phone no email address as this will stop those offers coming through. Well done getting back to recovery

Dan

Thanks Dan. There is always hope!

Work is bringing me down right now. Too much to do and no time to do it. The people I deal with are generally nothing better than a bunch of spoilt brats. I seem to spend all day pandering to these twa ts. All I hear is "are we there yet" or "I want , I want I want!" Well, how about you f**k off and let me do my job and believe me you will get there much quicker and without the negligence suit!

Dealing with this s*it on a daily basis is enough to drive one mad let alone gamble! The next person to ask me for a status report is going to get one shoved up their a*se!

Markman

Fella you have been bouncing around my mind since your last couple of posts because I believe that the old saying 'there's no such thing as a free bet' is very true, it's almost a leaf taken from that book you recommended, I could perceive the offer of such a bet as a 'money trick'

With honesty alarm bells have been ringing, you wrote your last post through anger, I know addiction would try and cash in on that emotion, the old 'f**k em nobody cares about Mark, go on treat yourself'

Gambling, active gambling was for me a state of being for twenty years, I could find a million reasons to justify the next punt.

Today in recovery I see the other side of the coin.

I can find a million and one reasons not to gamble and only one reason I would.

That would be to simply feed addiction.

Just for today I will Abstain.

I hope that life finds you well and my thoughts misplaced.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

At last the office move is complete. I am up and running in my new office and at last have access to my PC.

Absolute nightmare these past couple of weeks. Everything that could have gone wrong logistically - telephone, computers, furniture - did. On top of that the general day to day work held absolutely no prisoners.

Things are now tidy and there is some semblance of order. Far to busy too even think about a bet this past week. The so-called triangle totally torn apart!

My resolve to say free of the shackles of gambling is as strong as ever.

MARKMAN is back on track.

A very difficult time. My wife and I are absolutely exhausted after these past few weeks from hell. Work has been nasty and my wife and I (my wife especially) have been quite unwell. And then, after a 16 hour day on Friday my wife sits me down to dinner and a cup of tea at 10pm and tells me that my lovely uncle Robert has died. The poor man must have lay dead in his flat for about a month before the heat picked up and he was discovered. I cannot help but feel so guilty as I do not know whether I could have prevented this by being there for him. I am really going to miss him. A very kind and gentle man. And because I am not in the financial position I should be in I cannot help give him a proper send off. What have I done? The easy option would be to forget about all of this and have a bet but need to stay strong more than ever.

Feeling more relaxed and to terms with the horrible past few weeks.

Very much focused on normal non-gambly things.

Now I cannot say what or when my last bet was - which is just how I am liking it these days.

Al the best one and allx

Mark

I am feeling very strong at the moment. No urges to gamble. In fact no real desire to constantly follow the sport and when I do I am getting a natural enjoyment from it.

When I look back at myself this time last year I can really see the progress that I have made. I still have many debts but these are in the plan and are being paid. The mortgage and plan are up to date.

I am getting more done at work and so hopefully wages will pick up eventually. I do not have a great deal to live on this month but have enough to get by which is a blessing in itself. I would have had more money however I thought my family could do with treating - new goal posts from Tesco for the boy and girl and a skirt from Paris for the missus (don't get me wrong - just River Island but sold out in UK last season). All three were very happy. It is such a good feeling to allow my family good things (not just material things) than to deny them the things to which they are entitled.

Normality is edging ever closer. We have ice cream in the fridge and a bit of Tabasco in the cupboard . My car has a new front tyre. My little girl has curtains that actually block out the light in the morning. All things I used to take for granted but now very much appreciate having allowed gambling to starve myself and my families of everyday things for so long.

I think I am about 24 days without a bet. I stopped counting for a bit as for a man as impatient as I am, the clock watching was driving me nuts. Nothing in itself for me to be proud of but before that is was a month and then a couple of months before that. The more I abstain and slip a little, the quicker I am now to climb back on the wagon and stay there for much longer periods. There is nothing likely to induce a slip at the moment but with my restiance, previously weak, I know this can all change. If it was not for two staggered weeks of stupidity I could possibly be a year gamble free. I will have to focus on the positives.

In 14 weeks my family are due to set off on our annual holiday to St Ives, Cornwall. We have had the happiest times of our lives there, until I got into gambling and 8 or so years ago spent most of my holiday with my phone in hand. I resisted this during our last holiday and will do so this time around. 14 weeks to abstain and put aside money for the best holiday. Something to look forward to. I hope all will go well as my family deserve this.

Will now drink tea and eat a bar of Snickers before going all out on my files for the next few hours.

Mark

Hi Mark

Nice to see you posting. I have a feeling you may be in the same profession as me. I am on about 26 days and had a bad week last week particularly at work caused inadvertently by my gambling life. I would in the past have descended into a bout of self destruction but paid some bills instead. Life is still full of anxiety but not as bad as it could have been if I had gone with my instincts. Keep up the good work.

Replied on my own thread. Apologies for lack of intelligence.

Hi Markman, I'm all caught up here now. Very sorry to hear about your lovely Uncle, you don't need me to tell you the sending off is for the people left behind!

Lovely to hear your family are reaping the rewards of your recovery as much as you are...As long as the 'plan' is up to speed what you spend your money on is entirely up to you! I am concerned that the Tabasco may be for the Ice Cream but everything else sounds just 'normal' & man I know how good that feels 🙂

Keep working hard, keep fighting & try to be patient as you work towards that holiday - ODAAT

Many thanks for your post ODAAT. As ever your kind words mean a lot.

Sadly I allowed my resistance to break yet again and and am back to day one.

This weekend I gave in to my addiction. Just a few small punts and so much hard work undone. Thankfully I did not gamble the housekeeping or the mortgage payment, albeit nowdays for me a small punt is just as big a let down as as a total wipeout.

No sympathy or hugs required here. I only have myself to blame and I know what needs to be done.

The money in my pockets will have to stay where it is otherwise the wagon will roll out of sight.

Head down. Work. Wife. Kids.