the right road

I started gambling when I was 18 I would be devatsed even if I lost a pound then . As years progressed I got a credit card , bank loan , and store cards. With a substantial wage I thought minium payments was the way foward so I could have the life of luxery. As I didnt have a care in the world out every weekend I couldnt make these minimum payments and work started to not progress , so I resorted to gambling to pay my debts. As I had a few good few winners on roulette and horses I thought this was the way foward , I was so wrong. I then began to loose and loose having to ask my grandma to pay my debts then I would pay her back , by then I was addicted to gamblimg and it was on my mind 24/7. I was lending money , leiing to my family and friends not a care in the world for anyone but myself. I am 23 years old I owe my grandma around 10k because of this horrible addiction , I still have debts too to add to the stupidty in my eyes what I have done and been over the years. Last year around october/november something came over me , I never feared I was always ambitious and think positive as Iin things will get better , I will make things right and so forth. I rang ane one day having a full blown panic attack because I never had one before I thought all sorts off things. This was due to the anxity and depression that all off a sudden came upon me , I would go to the hospital by january 2014 3 times with a panic attack. By the end of january listening to my docters advise not taking medication which they subscirbed be diazepam if needed , I new what the problem was one way or another it was , gambling - resorting to lies , debt and drinking a lot more. I have since tryed stopping smoking , I can go 4 days without one then as of today because I got made redundant from my job , I couldnt think of anything else but gamble. Now im not going to lie I have been in today and blew the last 40 pound I had to my name , I got back in my car shakingand I new deep down this has to stop , I dont in anyway feel sorry for myself I only have myself to blame. I heard of my mum one day that someone once told her that one of your family members will go down the right road in life or the wrong road. Ive been going down that wrong road since I was 18 its about time I switched to the right road and fulfill my ambitions that ive alwayswanted the right way. My names jamie im a recovering gambling addict and as of now no matter how much my anxity or depression kicks Iin I will think positive as theres a new job round the cornor. Diary day 1