There is hope for a better tomorrow

Julie take strength from your family, and I have no doubt they will be strengthened by your time with them xx

Am currently sat in a very posh clinic in Dublin, my brother is being poked and prodded. It feels so good to be back with the family again. Full update later...Am really controlling my thoughts today, and keeping everything on the down low.

Julie x

Sending best wishes to all

X

Hi Julie,

Hope you're ok and your brother is feeling better too.

Stay close to your diary and vent out at any time. Don't let emotions manifest inside.
Shared pain is pain halved & shared joy is joy doubled :-)))

Happy Easter ☺

S x

Julie hope you having a good weekend. I don't use chat so don't know what's been happening nor do I want to know. Just hoping your ok and make sure you take time out for yourself. The road to recovery makes see/think about things differently as time goes on. It's that Mr G he messes with our mind x

Dear Diary,

I am on my way home. I have two homes, but I am going to my practical home, the place I moved to 7 years ago this September, to try and make a new/fresh start. That had stalled for a bit, through stalamate I guess. I am leaving the family in a better place that they were in when I arrived last Wednesday. Tomorrow is decision day for us all. The definitive scan that will tell us how we are moving forward. But move forward we shall...in one sense or another.

I am going back to the UK a stronger individual that when I left it last week. I have focus, I have plans, I have commitment to better my life and my situation. On Saturday, I saw the power of love. Love can sweep us all off our feet and throw everything in the air. But I saw the value oflove in my life. My beautiful, bright, funny, and clever friend got married, I cried more times on Saturday, and publicly, people kept handingme tissues!!!! But after a very rocky road, my friend walked up the aisle, to marry her best friend and life partner. That is there for me to experience. I have not met them yet, but it is there. A very wise message came to me on Saturday afternoon, about my past. My past is not my past, it is the present and the future and how I choose to live my life now.

Back to normality this evening, but I have found a strength from somewhere, it was probably there all along, I just needed to find it.. I am not saying I am going to rule the world.....but I am going to go d**n close!!!!

On the bus, in transit, bus-aeroplane-car-home...simples really....

Wishing everyone the day that they choose to have..

Julie xx

Dear diary,

It is Saturday today, the day that I have been living for. Still in bed, but have so many plans for today. Want to sort out my house, my laundry, my life. Over this last few days, I have really looked at my life, and have realised that I have just been doing enough to get by. Nothing impressive and well below par. The only thing that hasn't slipped in my 'give all of myself' to my service users, that never slips. They are too important for that. But I am too important to let things slip. I joined Weight Watchers this week, a big thing for me, since I am seriously addicted (there is that word again) to sugar. I know I am, but have been since I was very young. But the issue needs to be addressed. And it will be.

I am still working hard on my GF life everyday, somedays are easier than others, but I am still in there pitching.

For now and today, one day at a time.

Julie x

Hey Julie..I'm glad my diary helps you a bit...but actually hun. ...it's you helping yourself that's giving you the strength to kick on and deal with all you have going on at the moment....and id say you're doing just fine love...look after yourself..x

Hi Julie

Nice to read some positive posts, you know i've been abstaining from Gamcare, however, it's good to come back and reflect and remind oneself of the issues we all go through. Im hoping good news came of your brothers ongoing care.

Remember, don't spin too many plates at once, eventually one will drop. I like the terms baby steps and short term goals.

You seem stronger mentally, you seek things for your future. You have made massive strides in your life since i've known you. Keep going and look back on this and smile, because it is making you the person you will be tomorrow.

All the best

Dan

Ah Dan, thanks for the message, it really made me smile to you had sent a message through.

Dear Diary,

Today really pushed my buttons, but I didn't buckle (nearly) but didn't! Last year I applied for a Masters programme to follow my dream career. The application went in, they acknowledged it etc. I heard from the course leader on Friday that interviews were this week, so rushed home expecting a letter. No letter. Disappointed, but emailed the admin lady, just to confirm they had my new address, as I applied last year just as I was moving, and these things happen. They don't have my application! They must have destroyed it. Even though they acknowledged it, and I have been speaking by email to the course leader for the last nine months (you can have a baby in nine months). So I emailed back and asked why the application had been destroyed, no explanation, just re-apply. The interviews are this week. So I slept for a bit, gathered myself and went into work with a reference request form. I can re-apply online, but my manager won't fill out the paper copy and let me upload it, as she would prefer to do it properly, the interviews are this week, did I mention that. Instead of loosing the head, I became really polite, wiped away the tears that were begining to fall down my face. Not even when my useless colleague ignored her duties, so I had to do her job and mine, did I loose the head. I will fill in the paper application tomorrow, cross town on Wednesday, give it to my manager, wait for her to do her bit, go up to the university with it on Friday, and hand it in, and miss the interviews that are this week. There are probably, maybe a second round of interviews in May, but I submitted my application nine months ago, so I should have been first to be interviewed, but that is okay, because myabe I was not meant to be interviewed this week. I will admit, these issues has really tested me tonight, tested the changes that I have made to my life and the hard work that I have put in. I am a good person, who does the right thing, but hey they destroyed my application for my dream, but I will submit another one. I am trying very hard to not let the fact that I feel like swearing a lot, interupt the tone of this diary entry, no one wishes to read my swearing rants.

I heard today, some very sad news about a friend of mine, who is to marry her lovely girlfriend this July. Her message to say she had most her of her bowel removed in emergency surgery, woke me this morning at 6 a.m. She is a lovely girl, and she will get through this, but life has not always been kind to her, at aged 38 that is sad. I hope to see her this Friday..

Tomorrow is not payday, Wednesday is payday, I need to learn to count dates...

I am going to sleep now, and tomorrow I am going to get up and go to work, and make the best from my day. I am going to see a colleague and friend, who has been very badly assualted over the weekend at work, apaprently, attempted strangulation and beaten severely. That is the gaunlet we run every single day....I will run it tomorrow again, in the hope that there is a better tomorrow.

Julie x

Hello my little Irish lovely thanks for stopping by my diary you're right in a fashion I am still here mostly reading I think it's something I've become accustom to doing mostly on my breaks at work , I do like to check in and see how people are doing.

It would seem you had a bad case of the Mondays nothing ever goes well on a Monday. I think you handled the situation well and you should definitely just re apply always follow your dreams as they say ,

I read last week you joined a slimming club How's that going so far ? I've tried quite a few diets myself and can never really stick with them that long . I usually lose a lot the first week then treat myself for doing well the weekends lol so by Monday I'm back at square one and thus the cycle begins again, so I decided diets weren't for me and just exercise more and that seems to be the trick as long as you take out more than you put in that's all is needed to lose the pounds

I'm rambling on here so I'll cut of and wish you a peaceful rest of the week

Deano x

Loxxie, I missed you out last night. Thanks for the message, I have made some positive changes, but I love reading other people's diaries too, and yours is up there with them.

Dear Diary,

Today started slowly, and ended well. I worked fast and attentively to my daily tasks, I smiled, I was cheerful, I was helpful, and I was positive. I didn't feel like it at times, but try it out and it pays it right back to you. Went to see my colleague after work, horrible seeing someone that you respect and care for, fearful, but hopeful.....For the grace of god (whatverver God you believe in) go I and all that jazz.

Going to bed soon, was in chat tonight, I forget sometimes that others are walking exactly the same road that I am walking on this GF journey. It is my 60th day today.

Julie x

Hi Julie... well done on your gamble free time.

I find when am at work I am also attentive and helpful and positive but when am home I simply collapse into a heap.

Thanks for your thoughts

Hi Julie,

Kept meaning to reply to post #175 for almost a week (I'm a drag really lol)

Just wanted to say one thing - never give up on your dreams! They do come true and as long as you keep your focus and put hard work in - they will become reality!

Wish you all the best with that new job...i am the same....i am awaiting for some news for nearly 4 months but still haven't lost hope ☺ (i have patience 😉 )

Stay safe...one day @ a time. You're doing great!

S x

H S Thanks for the message. I got my date for my Masters interview today, so all is sorted, I am still clinging on to my dream.

Dear Diary,

Not a lot to report tonight. I have sorted my laundry. I am going to try and be in bed this week at 10 P.m. I have realised that I am lacking in sleep, going to sleep at midnight and after it, and going to do a full day. I need to rest my mind, body and be ready for the day ahead. I had my Mam here this weekend, I talked over my gambling issues with her. She knows and understands, and is very supportive.

I got my date for my Masters interview. That is on the 17th of May. I am not stressed about it, but see it as an opportunity to shocase what I can do, and why they should accept me onto the course of study.

Good night gamcarers.

Julie x