There is hope for a better tomorrow

Hi Julie

Thanks for your comments on my diary.

I wish you all the best with your interview when it comes about, never ever give up on your dreams you can make that dream career happen. Stay gamble free, we are all fully behind you, cannot wait when I hear you are studying hard and making things happen in your life that you truly want and deserve.

All the best

Matt

Dear Diary,

Worked today! Not a lot left in the tank, but a little for a diary entry, food bath and bed.

I found today difficult. Hard to accept that I am a Compulsive Gambler, but I realise that I am. I don't know why today that realisation came to me, but it did, and is sat here, waiting for me to answer it. I feel a little despondant if I am being quite honest...I am sure this will pass, but feel blah to be honest.

Working again tomorrow, which is probably a great thing to do.

Grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. This is a tall order as I don't feel very serene right now, but hey ho, lets run with the serenity prayer...

Hi Julie thanks for your kind words on my diary and if you ever need something to take up your spare time take up fishing and if you need someone to teach you I'm sure I could make time, have a great weekend

Chris

Fishing and me, I cannot see that working. I would be a budhist but I kill insects and wasps and things..But I just couldn't fish a fish out of water. I am not judging anyone that does, more power to you SB but I couldn't....I do need some hobbies though, I do need stuff to do...I do and do and do, and will do...

But tomorrow is a new day. 🙂

Julie x

Did somebody mention Fish ? .How about cooking Julie ?

I own a fish and chip shop so you wouldn't need to kill a Cod , just learn to give it a good " Battering " :))

Sorry I couldn't resist :)) x

Oh please don't resist, that is what made me smile this morning....

Thanks Alan.

Today was today, It is done now. Move onto a new week, second week of May, going to be at it from 8 until 8 tommorrow. I am glad this week is over. I have a date for my Masters interview. Wednesday the 17th of May. Got it today when I went into work.

Today I learned a little bit more about myself. Not all that I want to see, but the courage to change that things I can, acceptance for the things I cannot, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Julie x

Dear Diary,

Up and ready for the week. Last week was exactly that, Last Week.

This week, I need to prepare myself to be interviewed, prepare myself not to gamble, and don't let anything dull my sparkle.

Shall start with today and see how I go on.

Have a great day everyone.

Julie x

Hello, Julie,

I saw on another thread your suggestion that something was wrong because another person had used their OH's money for gambling and you questioned why it was the OH's money. I wanted to post directly, hope that's ok.

I don't know the other couple's financial arrangements and your vibes could be correct but I assure you that it's entirely possible for an active CG to con their OH out of money. My children and I were on the receiving end of my husband's gambling and I absolutely see it that he stole "our" money whilst active. For the kids, he put it into their savings accounts but he wasn't supposed to take it out and use it himself!!! For me, after I returned to work, I was happy for my wages and my inheritance to be family money and spent so as to support and run household. But when I looked at the bank statements afterwards and worked out that I that I'd gone out to work and earned £x in a day and on that same day he'd taken £x plus £100 out of joint account and presumably lost it, then yes, he took "my" money and he took me for a mug. That wasn't what I thought that I was working for and my late father similarly didn't think that what he'd worked hard for all his life would end up being wasted. Secret gamblers like my husband don't exactly consult their OH and make an agreed decision as to how to spend the money that gets deposited. My husband lied about it and according to the f&f section, others have experienced the same. So it is entirely possible for a CG in a relationship to run out of the money that they've earnt (which should also be family money) and move onto their partner's.

I agree that going forward, it's vital to look at why the gambling is happening. But whatever the problem, even if it is the OH being the problem, it doesn't address why the diversion from the problem is gambling or using. As far as I'm concerned, my husband gambled because he's a CG but what makes him a CG is something that he has yet to look into. I wish he would. My role in it all wasn't making my husband unhappy, it was putting up with too much for too long and allowing the situation to carry on.

Just wanted to put the OH's viewpoint and say to you directly that I'm not the bad guy. Hope your recovery continues as easily as possible and that your sinuses heal.

CW

Hi CW,

Thanks for your detailed message. I get a different vibe from that person that I think we mutually speak about, and my gut instinct was to say what I said in my reply to them last night. I rely on gut instinct for a lot of things. And that is where it was going.

Your post and explaination of what your OH did, makes me feel sad for you and your family. Maybe you have moved on as a couple and a family from it, but there is a lot of things that make me think otherwise. I just wanted to clarify one thing, I don't remember ever leaving a message on your diary or telling you that you were the bad guy. That would be wrong of me to do, I am not in your relationship, or your family for that matter, so why would I say that. As I said above, I am going with gut feeling about that situation and everyone's situation is different. And that is so be it. My gambling never affected anyone else, I never took from anyone, never stole from anyone, never borrowed from anyone, and never mis-led anyone. I harmed myself and the choices I made in my life affected me and me alone. From reading many diaries on here I am probably in the minority in that respect but it takes all sorts to make up this world. I didn't ask you to agree with my post on Nannai's diary, in fact I read your second post after mine, and saw that it was completley at odds. That doesn't bother me, and I hope you don't mind me saying that. I will admit, I am slightly, I dunno confused about the post above. It would never be un-welcome, this is an open forum, but It's as if your trying to tell me that I haven't been in this situation, and that's how it is, and that's what it's like. That's fine, I still don't and wouldn't change direction in what I wrote. Your husband did the above, and maybe this particular person has done the same as you have just described, only she knows that, and will have to deal with the consequences. I am going to run with my gut instinct and see where it takes me. If I am wrong, I don't believe it will dim my view of the situation, just a learning curve.

Your husband's situation and the fact that he has not addressed his CG issues are obviosly still a major focal point, but not everyone's situation is like that. I sincerely wish you all the best, and hope you come out the other side of it all in one piece.

Julie

Dear diary,

Been a long few days. Not a bad start to the week. Had a really snotty email from one of the witches of eastwick at work today. But I have gone beyond the polite stage, I just fought fire with fire. And it made me feel so much better. Masters course I am hoping to do is four years, so that ties me to this area for that length of time. I am not un-happy about that. I probably didn't intend on being in the North West that long, but not a lot to be done, but knuckle down and start this journey. Feel stronger today, more in control Not just passing through someone else's life if that makes sense. Made some space for myself in the world today. Nice feeling that.

Julie x

Good to hear you sounding so positive Julie.

Well I came on to leave you a message Julie after all of your thoughts on mine to read the above post ..... slightly confused as to why it's been brought to your diary and I want to apologise for any ill feeling that may have been caused on my behalf ... I feel you know a little more of my story than most and as you've probably picked up on .... I am the first to admit when I've messed up .... and just to clarify... it was money I owed my partner ... I was too ambitious on the amounts to pay him back and even though I set those limits they were un realistic.... so instead of telling him and giving him what I did have I gambled it ..... which we are working through....there is no doors left open and i understand my other halfs reservations .... however that diary page is for me and however I am feeling that day ... I am sorry to CW that you are on the other end of this and I can't begin to imagine the distress ( I know how distressed I am being this side of the line) however every single situation , person and relationship is different and different people talk on this page it is meant to be a free place to talk and listen .... i felt at the time you were rather abrupt on page and then to come here and read this also after Julie and I have had several conversations was a tad upsetting it's been brought over and she's been made to feel like the bad guy ..... please try and remember your husband isn't every gambler and you aren't every partner or friend effected by it

Open mindness is key in a place like this we are all trying to mend parts of ourselves and we need all the tools we can get

Julie 35 wrote:

Dear diary,

Been a long few days. Not a bad start to the week. Had a really snotty email from one of the witches of eastwick at work today. But I have gone beyond the polite stage, I just fought fire with fire. And it made me feel so much better. Masters course I am hoping to do is four years, so that ties me to this area for that length of time. I am not un-happy about that. I probably didn't intend on being in the North West that long, but not a lot to be done, but knuckle down and start this journey. Feel stronger today, more in control Not just passing through someone else's life if that makes sense. Made some space for myself in the world today. Nice feeling that.

Julie x

And what's wrong with the North West? It's actually warm and sunny here today!! 🙂

Great post - I Iove your line 'Made some space for myself in the world today' - I think that has a really positive message and we all need to do that from time to time.

Detrimental. Nothing at all wrong with the North West, I had sun glasses on today as well. And was hot and bothered!!! I just planned on being in London by this point. But what is four more years, I will graduate at the same time, as The Donald Trump leaves office, so that has to be a bonus...

Nannai, let us not worry about bad guys, good guys and people that are struggling with their own issues. I don't know about you, but I have plenty of my own stuff to be looking after, as am sure do you. This is an open forum and people can and do say what they wish. I am happy for that to happen, or I wouldn't put myself out there on a limb. However, a little like me, you have your own circumstances, and I felt that you needed that little bit of extra support. Can I be honest for one second and I mean brutally frankly honest. It makes no difference to me, if you robbed half a million quid off your other half, it is none of my business. I don't mean that in an un-caring way. But it makes no difference to me, how you got here. The fact that you are here is enough. Kindness and extending that to others is what I am all about. I miss sensible with so much life experience left myself on the last weekend, before I rocked up here, with no food, no money, nothing, nada.....and then I hit rock bottom. I have come out the other side of that now (mostly) but I did that to me. So who am I to sit in judgement of you, him, her ot anyone else on this forum. You come here for support and you will always get it from me, no matter what happens.....

I posted this on my page rather than yours, because I want to see it again at a glance.

Julie x

Hi you, almost don't want to post this after your huge wave of support over on my diary but I know I won't sleep if I don't...Can 2 wrongs ever make a right? If you are able to, wouldn't pouring water over the fire be a better response? It would mean your side of the street is clean & would set her a much better example going forwards but perhaps more importantly, the people that should be getting her get a gift (behaving the way she has, there's no way she will be even half as lovely as you) for the day too 🙂