There is hope for a better tomorrow

Deano, you mad yoke!!!! I am near after choking on my pancake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you so so much from the bottom of my heart for that.....it means a lot that you would take the time to write me a song, and even use my real name in it......Laughing aside, I felt very alone walking up the road from that bookies tonight, I don't feel so alone now....

Thank you.

Jx

Credit where it's due Paul McCartney wrote part of it lol

Keep smiling and you're never alone there's always someone around to shoot the breeze with enjoy your pancakes and beans although I'm not sure they even go together do they? Have you ever heard of a thing called toast it's basically hot burnt bread you can put your beans on it as well myself I like jam. The Americans call I jelly. I could probably go on writing like this for day's. Stupid is my thing
I'll not ruin anymore of your diary well today anyhow

Peace out

I like toast but not with beans and I will explain why. I am very funny about butter. I can have buttered toast on it's own, never with anything else...I can have toast with jam or jelly but with no butter, and I can have beans and toast, but cannot have butter on the beans, it ruins the moment, and then I don't like the way the beans makes the toast go soggy, so I just don't do it. Pancakes and beans are okay.. And do you see this thing that people do with a chip sandwich and buttered bap/teacake/roll/bread thing, don't even get me started on that.

Thanks Deano for being honest but kind to me, I was very un-kind to myself tonight, so that helped a lot!!

Until next time...

Julie

A very interesting culinary post JI!

Don't worry about your little slip; you've shaken yourself down and eyes back straight on the road ahead. You've reaffirmed that you can't win; you've reminded yourself and you can give yourself a quiet nod to yourself - "yep, this is why I'm stopping again."

And... onwards once again. With another layer of resolve, a layer you didn't have yesterday...

And, may I add, I like scrambled eggs. If they're runny though, then nooooooo! They've got to be just right, and on toast - with butter! Interested in your views 🙂

All the best on day 1. You can do it, you have proved you can stop.

When you wake up just say in your head, Today I won't gamble. Then repeat each day. One day at a time. No pressure on yourself.

For the record I hate eggs. Can't stand the smell. Have you ever tried babies yed? In my local area it's a meat and potato pie in barmcake with pea wet drizzled on. Now that's just weird. There are lots of variations in the north west though.

All the best Dan

Mixer, I cannot win against a machine, an object that doesn't have rules, it is just a set up to fail. Eyes ahead, the past is the past, that cannot be changed. The future is yet to be written.

I like do not like scrambled eggs. I don't know why, but the texture does nothing for me. The butter and the eggs thing does not work for me either. I think I am very butter specific, about where and when it can be used.

I have another layer of resolve, hard got, but it is there.

x

Dan, just seen your message, which means a lot.

I can have poached egg, or fried egg, but not scrambled...How can anyone have a meat and potato pie in a barmcake with anything..Oh my god, that is vom!!! Many variations of everything in North West!! They drink Bovril at Burnley fc....The first time I went, I didn't know what it was, so had some....That was an experience never to be repeated...

Onwards and upwards Dan, thanks for your support...

Julie x

Hi Julie, back on the horse 🙂 I chose to gamble at sixty something days, I am pleased I did, because it made me realise I needed to do more than count days. My feelings, my attitudes have changed somehow. Today is a new beginning x

It is. Have just picked up a Sunday shift at the hospital for tomorrow that will put my finances back where they need to be. I will have to work it, but sure at least the opportunity is there to work it. Feeling slightly below par today, but I think I am just tired after a long week.

Julie x

Come on Julie, we're all behind you. It's scary because i know it could easily have been me slipping. It doesn't make you a bad person.
Getting over this addiction is not easy.
You tried, you failed - hopefully the positive from it is it's reinforced that we cannot win because as you said we cannot stop. We always give it back one way or another. We must remember this when and if we're next tempted.
Well done for taking the extra shift at work, hopefully this will offset some of the loss for you.
Keep smiling, we're all with you, let us take some of the weight off your shoulders. Here's to the start of a better future. You can do it!!! x

Thanks LML..am over with my Grandad today..he is in great form. 85 this April. Going out for tea for my aunt's birthday in a bit. Then driving back home for work tomorrow. Did food shopping in Asda and all set up for the week. Feeling a lot better than I was. Onwards and upwards. Heard a sad tale about how this shift came about tomorrow. The lady who was supposed to work it, her son committed suicide. Sad times folks!! Keeping my chin up. Thanks for the support everyone. X

Dear Diary,

My shift got cancelled for tomorrow. They sent a text just before 8. Am I annoyed yes, but annoyed at myself that I gambled money on Friday night that should have been in the pot for the eventuality. Oh well. There is nothing I can do about it. I had learnt that life was easier, when not pouring money into an FOBT machine. I can re-learn that and more again. Tomorrow, I will spend relaxing and planning for the week ahead. Can do some of my course that the online team at Gamcare sent me. At least I do not have to set a 5:30 a.m. alarm, that is one bonus...

Night folks

Julie x

Enjoy your lie in and another GF day. Take care

Dear Diary,

Today has been a good day. Not a great day but a good day. My attentions have turned to worrying about money. Now before I start this, this is my own fault. I had money, I was paid last week, twice ffs! However, my rent is paid, my bills are paid. But I have left myself that I do not have enough to survive on. I am trying to be positive about this, sure what else is for it only than to be positive. I cannot change the past, I can only change what happens from this minute forward. Have food and all the bits and pieces that I could need in for the week, so there shall be no panic. Maybe something will present itself this week. If it doesn't, I shall survive, I always do survive, this time will be no exception.

I got irritated tonight. I don't know why I got irritated tonight, and maybe it is me, but I still felt it. I am writing about it here, and have edited the comment I made to the person that irritated me, because it is easy to take a very public shot at someone, when it maybe tomorrow when they log in to read it. Basically, in chat tonight, a fellow Gamcare user said in CAPITAL LETTERS THAT IT WAS BASICALLY WRONG FOR A PERSON TO BE BAILED OUT FOR A GAMBLING DEBT. I will revert back to lower care now. While I can see their point, that is no one else's decision to make but the person taking the bail out. This comment was made and the person logged off. Now maybe I had arrived during the latter part of a conversation, but I just don't think any of us, are able to make a judgement on how someone else handles their gambling debts, or otherwise. Yes offer advice. I have had some great advice since my relapse on Friday night, and accepted that I did. But it just didn't sit well with me, for someone to spell out in CAPITAL LETTERS the fact that being bailed out is wrong, it is not anyones place to say that, unless they are talking about their own situation and that of no other person. The person may just have strong principals, and that is what they believe, but all of us are on our own journey here, and what is right for me, is not right for someone else. I am very concious of an incident last week, in which a teenage girl was being bullied online by another girl, the final comment made to this girl was "why don't you go and hang yourself", the girl replied "okay I will". And she did, she hung herself, with her whole life ahead of her. Her mother sat on National TV the other day, and pleaded for people to be kind to each other. None of us here, know what situation the person sat at the other end of the screen is in. They could see that bail out, as the ONLY way that they can survive. The only way that they can wake up tomorrow. I just think that we need to be careful with the words that we use. This site is unique in the fact that there is a lot of very tragic stories and my heart breaks reading some diaries. I cannot say I am right or wrong with this thinking, it is only what I can say that sits right with me.

Hi Julie,

Thought I would check in here 🙂

Thank you for being so honest in your posts, what resonated with me especially was that no matter how much money we have lost, we are all victims of the same addiction. Keep going with the recovery and I'll be checking in.

Michael