This is absolutely it this time!

Hi Drew,

Well done on 4 days gamble free. Days will add up as well as you will start feeling better and stronger with urself.

Take care and keep at it

Be proud

Sandra

Alright mate, how you getting on??

Thanks very much Sandra,

The days will add up and hopefully ill feel more normal as everyday passes. Still no urges and it'll be a week tomorrow. Really feel different this time - Its got that 'now or never' nature about it and i'm determined to have placed my last ever bet a week ago.

Hey Andy,

Wrote on your thread man, but doing good mate. It help you stopping the same day as me and makes it feel like im not doing it alone at all.

It can be done, im expecting an urge to rear its ugly head at some point, but need to stay strong and let the urge pass. All the best bro.

Hi Drew

Just had a look through your diary and noticed that your opting not to even buy lottery tickets and scratch cards. I think this will help you a lot in your recovery. I've tried loads of times to stop gambling and every time i slipped up was due to thinking that I had overcome this addiction and allowed myself to buy lottery tickets and scratch cards. I convinced myself that this was not gambling but ended up taking this to excess before the inevitable happened.

Keep going mate, you seem to be tackling this head on and have the right approach.

Take care

jimbo

Hey Jimbo, Thanks for the post mate.

You have absolutely read my mind and answered a question i was contemplating. That was, is buying a lottery ticket a bad move? Ive not got the want to buy one right now at all, i was just thinking longer down the line. Would it be a mistake? As im not sure i put the lottery in the same bracket as other forms of gambling.

But i think you are absolute spot on and it has to be total cold turkey as i could easily slip back into the bad ways if say i won a tenner of my lottery ticket.

Has to be nothing at all. Thanks for that post, it is so strange that you totally answered my question i hadnt yet asked. Thats me officially at 1 week now and i know something has definitely clicked in this time, i just hope i stay focused, strong and on track - If i can do that, my life will be much more enjoyable.

Im not sure whereabouts you are at with your addiction mate, but i hope this message see's you well and things are going in the right direction.

All the best bud,

Drew

Definitely got to be cold turkey mate! Hope youre still going strong!

Im still going well pal, hope you are too.

Got to be cold turkey - 100% nothing.

Keep going bro,

Drew

Hi Drew!

Glad to see everything is still going well. Just wanted to say thanks for a very thoughtful and kind post on my diary! You are very right. I really like your take on creating your own luck by keeping hold of your money instead of risking it.

I think that part of a compulsive gamblers personality is the instant hit, the quick win and get rich attitude. When we stop and try and meticulously save to claw back money lost and get out of debt we get frustrated and look for a quick get out. This is when the thoughts of gambling to repay debt can come in. I've fell victim of this and only increased my debt.

Keep going mate, go T Total and play a safe game. This is your new lifestyle that you have to build without gambling which will leave a big void. Keep busy, keep focused and stay happy.

Jimbo

He Jimbo,

Thanks for the post mate, the sites been playing up a bit lately - going right slow, so only got the message now!

No bother about the post man, i'm glad a few parts of it meant something, thats the thing with these threads and your own diary, you can be having a tough day with urges and what not, then come on here, see a post that someones written for you and it really inspires and keeps us going.

I'm glad you are doing good mate, what 90 days now, that's a brilliant achievement. Keep strong brother.

I had a bit of a tough day today, its not so much wanting to gamble as per say, but wanting more money. I was kind of annoyed all day, i have lost all that money to date through gambling and was like, i want it back. But i know gambling is not the answer, it really isn't as that has gotten me into this position in the first case.

So i know, still know never again, i was just annoyed im skint and thought, hey maybe gamble and win some, but i know thats so so so wrong! I wont do it, i cant do it. It wont work out like that...

Och it was just a off day, regretting losses i've had and gutted i cant afford to really treat my girl tomorrow the way she deserves to be treated. Ill be ok when i start to save and have money around me long term, but the damage its done in the past is still very visable today - If that makes sense,

Sorry for the ramble

Take it easy everyone.

Drew

Hello mate - i feel like you, annoyed not having as much money as i should but we will in time if we keep on the right track. Hope you are still going strong mate. This is the only way forward - never to bet again. Will give us a better life pal.

Coming up for two weeks and the want, need and urges are defo getting less and less. Just need to keep strong and not let my defence drop. I know itll be a lifetime thing i have to deal with but got to do it this time.

Weirdly wasnt interested in the scores coming through on saturday which was great - Was only looking for my team and that was a breath of fresh air.

All the best to Andy and everyone out there.

Drew.

Ps.... Is anyone else finding problems with the site not loading in the last few days? Ive noticed at certain points of the day, its crashing and i cant get on :/

Hi Drew

First of all well done for your 2 weeks gamble free. And a brilliant diary. Its very honest and insightful and its getting all your thoughts and feelings down that makes the difference.

Secondly thanks so much for your lovely post on my diary. It was beautiful, im very grateful for what you said. Im so pleased you got my analogy about the gambling music versus life music. It really helped me understand how I worked with regard to my urges and temptations. You need to fill the hole that gambling leaves. I have been trying to stop since 2008 and if I had managed that the first time back then, My life would be MUCH MUCH better. Certainly £40,000 better. But Ive let that money go. Its the TIME I wasted that I want back. But the point is I relapsed so many times, because I didnt UNDERSTAND why I gambled. ONce you find that out... You will be better equipped and armed to deal with beating this.

Also Im glad you associated with the self destruction theory. I find it very strange that I have that in my personality. Quite frightening really. But knowledge is power my friend. When you understand something, its not so mysterious anymore.

I know how you feel about the sports betting. I love sports too, mainly for the thrill of the competition, but i would always be adjusting the odds dependant on what happens. Its now so nice to watch games without doing that, it will eventually happen mate.

I can feel what you are going through when you talk about regret for the loses. Your feeling skint and how it could have been all so different. Your in debt, and you want to spoil your girlfriend but dont have the money. Its horrible isnt it. And we cant help thinking about all that money we have wasted.

Well its not entirely wasted Drew, You have paid for very expensive life lessons. People do it all the time, go off to these seminars and listen to life coaches, they pay a fortune. Youve paid for a whole range of emotions, pain, shame, anger, regret, sadness. What dosnt kill you makes you stronger.

I love how honest you are and thats exactly the way to write stuff down, and because of that im hearing you have regret for that money lost and hate having no money. The big danger is, that that is going to influence you when the gambling demons come round. That puts the gambling music up a notch because your desire is for a quick fix solution. You start to hear that gambling song again. But you got to turn it down. Let the money go mate. It is gone and wont be coming back. The only direction that 20k is going to go is up. You will never be satisfied until its gone and it just will not happen. Once you have accepted all that money is gone it is SO much easier. I promise you.

Its the long road for us. It took me forever to pay off my debt, your 27, your still young enough mate. IM 39 now, and had been doing this stuff since 17. My whole life is wired for it. I never thought I could change ... but I have. You just CHANGE how you approach and think about certain things.

Isnt it funny how we could pour hundreds of pounds into bookies pockets without a thought..... but buy a cheaper brand than we actually like at the supermarket because its £1 cheaper. Even though it dosent taste the same! in fact its horrible! but hey... I saved £1. Its f@cking ridiculous mate.

All the best to you my friend.

Kyle

The greatest win I will ever have is to learn I will never win gambling

Hey Kyle,

Thank you for your post mate, you are a very wise wise man and your words are brilliant.

I know what i need to do and i am so committed to doing it. No half measures, got to do it this time.

I read your thread from your past and what a read it is, absolute inspiring to say the least (I would like to read your introduction post mind you, but i fear that would be impossible to retrieve).

Your Story 'Sure Sharp' was phenomenal - What a read. I would encourage anybody to read you posts and stories, they are brilliant. So many traits in your story, i for one have seen and experienced in a bookies; its amazing the clarity you have from your first ever real experience from gambling.

Mines was in a ridiculous rough bookies in probably the most run down part of town, but everyone was as friendly as could be. No hassle, as you say everyone in a bookies is in their own world and no body even bats an eyelid at anyone. I was 17 years old too, bored on a Saturday afternoon, went in and picked 3 horses. Put them on a £5 treble (Thinking at this point even if one of them comes in, i will get money back - Naively thinking it was like a Trixie or Patent)... So watched the racing and the first two came in, something like a 9/2 and 7/2 shot - Really decent odds for a treble. I had never experience a thrill and buzz like it. Before the 3rd race came on, i called my mum - Who also liked a gamble on the horses too (Think that's prob where my interest stems from) telling her what i was doing and how much i was on for and she told me that for a treble to come in all three horses would have to win. Oh! Things weren't as peachy as they had been before the call and there was the serious nervous feeling in my stomach now - My 3rd horse HAD to win.... Obviously the 3rd horse got beat and i won nothing. I don't even think i spent more than that fiver in my first visit but the seed was planted. I had experienced the rush and now knew in future to cover my trebles with doubles and singles... So started my 10 year addiction.

Insane to think how clear that 1st day was, i remember the weather, the meeting, the ashtrays being full, everything... Crazy!... I wish i had never stepped foot in it!

I'm going to *** this tho mate, you are a right inspiration with you turmoil and tales and i thank you for coming back to the site after these years away.

All the best bud

Drew

Ps. Right a book!

Great to hear you going well Drew mate!! Keep it up

Thanks mate - 14 days - Feeling great!