This is absolutely it this time!

Hi Drew,

Well done mate, keep up the good work.

Thank you so much for your post. Im thrilled you enjoyed my short story. Isnt it funny how vividly we remember some events in our lives. I can close my eyes and still see that bookmaker. The layout and the people. Its a true story, the events were pretty much real. I did of course flower it up a bit with poetic licence and tried to make it entertaining to read. And how those races unfolded i dont remember, but its the results i do remember. It hasd all my classic gambling traits in it. Changing my mnd, feeling angry if i didnt get a bet on, not being able to stop. But the thrill of the bet took over me that day and for a young boy out of his depth it definatley left on impression on me. But thank you again for your comments.

Glad to hear your doing well. Hope your managing to come on and read through a few diaries. when temptation strikes we need a place to go. If i was smart enough when i had urges i would come on here and id manage to get over them. The times I didnt... well you can guess the rest. sometimes i was saved by transactions being rejected and such... but was that really a victory... i tried to gamble, but failed against my own wishes. sometimes its just fate though. at the end of the day you have to get down to the bare bones of it. learning why you are this way. keep posting and writing down all your thoughts and feelings. no matter how stupid they sound. Its your diary. Your may be annonymous but you are among friends. no one will judge you. we have all been through it. You will learn your triggers and your signs. you will learn a lot about yourself. Keep up the great work

Keep fighting. Keep smiling. Keep breathing

Kyle

Hey Kyle,

Hope you are good mate, thank you for your post. I'm doing good boss, i am just so set on my ways that i never want to waste anymore money on this addiction. I read a diary somewhere recently that said, you wouldn't just give an anonymous random person £100/£200 for nothing in return, yet that is exactly what we do depositing casino funds or walking into the bookies. We get nothing but rubbish in return. OK maybe once in a blue moon we will win a 'decent' amount but that money will be back in the gambling system before we know it. Winning money from gambling isn't winning at all, its buying time for you to fall further under the spell of the addiction.

I'm in a good place with my gambling mate, just got the regret with losing all the money in the past but im also very thankful i've had this realization now and am committed to never placing a bet, no matter how small, ever again.

Hope everything in your day to day life is going well pal and thanks again for your insight.

All the best

Drew

Day 17 with no gambling, things are looking a lot brighter.

A friend of mine yesterday was needing Napoli to win to win £8000 from a ten pound bet, he even had the opportunity to cash out at just under £4000 - But he let it roll and inevitable lost as they only drew... I was in a strange place watching the game on TV tho... On one hand, I obvs wanted my pal to win £8000 but at the same time was willing it to lose, knowing that a big win like that only creates the way for problem gambling further down the line, ie chasing that initial £8000 high. It was probably for the best that Napoli did not turn up for him last night in the long term though.

All the best to everyone out there,

Drew

Nice to hear Drew. 17 for me too. Dont let that guard down and think we're cured. Everyday we have to fight it.

Thats day 21 gamble free passed and have to say its getting better and better everyday - I dont miss it one bit, the anxiousness, tension, sinking in the gut feeling - Its all feelings i can do with out!

My usual old habbits are disapearing (Checking results for stupid Chile league football results (Only had an interest as i used to bet on it).

Things defo getting much more positive..

All the best everyone!

Drew

Just wanting to start up this old diary of mine,

My last comment was around 2 years ago and there has been some improvements, i have not been gambling as much as before in those years, but i have been still dabling and its just such a waste of time. Wasting good time that could be focussed on something worthwhile.

I still hate gambling, never want to gamble again and will write down my daily thoughts on here. I think in 2015 ive wasted around £700/£800 on gambling, which is still far too much as it should be zero - But genuinely going into 2016 is want it to be nothing and i feel logging into Gamcare and posting will help lots - Ive been always lurking, but not commented for ages. I was part of the 2014 challenge ran by Mr Brightside and found that so very helpful - Around 5 months not betting at all, but its been creeping up on me and i want it to stop. I honestly hate gambling, but the rush is always so tempting. I have my blockers up, excluded from every online casino i can find - Over 75 easily (But new ones come up all the time), ive not got gamblock, i did have something similar but it was really bad for my phone, so uninstalled it. I believe will power is massive anyhow, because no matter how many blocks you have in place, you will always find a way.

Today will be day zero for me - Ive not actually lost money, up a little, but its the time, thoughts and horrible feeling thats worse. It so could have gone the other way and i woul dhave been chasing my loses until i had nothing left - So im glad im typing here despite having 'betting credit' and not watching that stupid black ball nearly hitting number 32! I genuinly hate it - But why cant i stop - Ill figure it out and put my thoughts down here!

Thank you for reading if you have, i genuinely wish every single one of you out there all the peace, success and happiness i can - These three things will never EVER be achieved with gambling and we have to rid it from our lives.

All the best for today and 2016 -

Drew

So this will be day 1 as I gambled a bit yesterday. Feeling quite optimistic and hopeful for 2016. Don't want to let myself down and I think if I was to gamble again especially when 2016 come I'll be devastated. Will keep logging into gamcare to read diaries and hopefully that will curb any urge that may come.

All the best comrades,

Day 2 - And coping well, Defo not interested in betting at the minute -

Got a big test on Saturday though, as i will no doubt end up at the casino (Not because i want to or to gamble, but after a night out its the only place to go for extra drinking) Going out with my partner and 4 of our friends, we dont go out very often at all, so i dont want to say 'Sorry im not going in' - It will be a big test but the fact im so comitted and want to have a gambling free 2016, im not going to ruin it only the second day in 2016. With alcohol involved, it will be tough, but i genuinly believe if i can do this on Saturday, i wont gamble in 2016! Huge test - Ill post on Sunday proud to say i didnt succumb to the devils wheel,

All the best everyone,

Drew

Welcome back Drew 🙂

Why can't you get some beers in indoors after you've been out? Don't kid yourself that the casino is the only place to go because that's how addiction creeps back in! I assume from your comments that your partner doesn't know about this? Why not get this out in the open so that you are not fighting alone?

Hi Drew, agree entirely with ODAATs comments. Even if you can't yet tell your partner, make it slightly easier in yourself by finding somewhere else for your end of night drinks. Sure there is a club or something which will allow you to buy a beer and provide "entertainment" other than gambling. It will be very hard for you if any of your friends decide to gamble so set a new regime by suggesting a nightclub or bring them back to your house. 2016 is a year of opportunity, a year when you can do things differently so set off as you mean to go on. All the best and look forward to your update on Sunday!

Sorry drew this doesn't sound the best way to start the new year offit just sounds like you're setting yourself up for a fall even before you started.

I really hope you manage to sort something different out and have a great night out without putting temptation in your way

Dear ODAAT, sbisstopping and Oldhamktf,

Genuinely thank you all so very much for taking the time to reply - It means a great deal.

I completely understand exactly where you are all coming from, i genuinely do and id be saying the exact same as you all are doing here - Putting myself in a potential dangerous situation this early in my recovery is stupid and careless.

My partner does know that i have an issue with gambling, but probably doesnt realise how bad its been (Im definately on another level of gambling as oppsed to say a year or two ago, but its still something i need to rid 100% completely). I was always a secret gambler and didnt like anyone seeing me gambling (Partly because i hated who i was gambling), so my partner would never see me gambling as id be ashamed for her to see what i actually was, so in all honesty the only real damage i can see happening if we went to the casino on Saturday night wouldnt actually be the gambling there and then, but seeing gambling happening and me taking that perhaps away with me and secretly doing it the next day in the ''safety'' of my own space; secretively, schemeing, lying and shady..... And i hate that person!

So i can assure you i will do everything in my power to tempt the group back to our flat after the night out for post new year drinks rarther than the casino

(I have to explain, where i stay - The casino is unfortuanately the only option nowadays as all the clubs have closen because this casino has been built and is 24 hour drinking, so all the people head there rather than a club - Shocking really and something that really annoys me, but i cannot explain how busy this casino is - Not really with Gambling but it is where all the socialising occurs).

But as i said i will do everything to not go there, without ruining the other folks New Year (and My birthday celebrations) to stay completly away from there - It would be a case of surrounding myself with gambling that would do the damage though rather than actual Casino gambling - Nevertheless, im strong today, i have my guard up (Alcohol does have a habit to lower that mind) But i am stronger than i was a year ago, and a lot stronger than a year past that.

I wont let myself down, i wont let my partner down, i wont let my family down, i wont let my friends down and now i wont let the three of you down -

I hope you have a fantastic night tonight whatever you may be doing (Im taking my partner away for a meal and stay overnight in a hotel - Just the two of us, no gambling, no one else - Just the two of us - I cant wait!)

All the best in your recoveries and ill report in on Sunday telling you how successful my Saturday night out was (Without Gambling),

Drew

Great update Drew. Have every confidence that you will have a great, gamble free time!! Happy 2016!

I wish you all the best bud and hope it works out and you gave great NY and did you say a birthday as well double celebrations gave a great time

Day 5 and still going very strong.

Not thinking about gambling at all - Really happy with everything atm - Had a good NYE and got a good night out to look forward to tonight. Being honest though, im looking forward to getting back to normal living on Monday (I love the two weeks at Xmas and New year but not knowing what actual day it is is getting annoying now). A bit of normal routine on Monday will be good.

I hope everyone has had a great New Year and i will post after my night out tonight (Big important update for me for sure and i know itll be one im proud off)

Keeping my guard up - Drew