This is it...true recovery.

No problem valdab. Often find watching these is quite emotional as you can really relate to the people.

After having a tough day on wednesday, powered through and yesterday was alot better. Was out and about had meetings in the city which did carry an element of risk for me. Bookies and arcades. Made sure to not carry cash and I had some small change in my pocket which I actually gave to a homeless person. Saw alot of people in a bad way got me thinking that I could easily end up like that one day if I don't get to grips with this addiction. Drugs and alcohol leave people more visably damamged. I'm no better than these folks. I looked like a young guy with world at his feet carrying around my fancy laptop case but underneath I'm just the same as all the addicts I saw living on the street. I was, I am and will always be a compulsive gambler and need to accept it's an illness I will have to battle for the rest of my life, not just the coming years until my debt is paid off.

Walked lots during the day and went to the gym last night. Exercise really does help the mind. 8 days gf, onwards and upwards.

A good productive weekend spent with family and friends. No gambling involved. Realised how isolated I have become again in recent months so made a point to be around people and trying to make an effort to organise plans with close friends to catch-up.

Also as head clears a little coming to terms a little more with new credit card debt i've created. It is an obscene amount of money to have wasted - there's no getting away from that. But it is done - I can't get it back. I simply have to pay forward as someone wiser than me wrote on here. All I have to do is focus on my recovery, make the mothly payments to debt and things will get better over time. If I go back to gambling then things can only get worse - that much is certain.

10 days gamble free, was struggling to go 10 hours the past weeks so feeling positive, I'll take that for today.

Yup, look forwards not back my friend...We can’t change what is! Good to see you re-focused on your recovery & making important life changes 🙂

Just wanted to make sure you also know about:

MOSES T0800 294 2060 which is the multi exclusion scheme for the bookies. No point running risks when one phone call can get you excluded in any relevant areas!

Onwards & upwards my friend - ODAAT

Thanks for the advice Kelly, hadn't heard of that before so will add to my to-do list. Appreciate your continued support!

I wonder how effective this can be policed but then that's just an excuse not to do it - I guess it's another physchological barrier in place knowing that you might be identified and kicked out means you are less likely to go into a bookies etc.

Had an off day today felt low but it was kinda self inflicted. Had to fight some major urges. From reading a post on here earlier I had got it into my head that I may have been self-excluded from another company part of the same group where I lost my latest big sum. I checked the other site and I was self excluded and they were part of the same group so contacted the site to start complaint etc. Turns out I wasn't self excluded before, it only came into effect when I signed up for GAMSTOP recently. Have self-excluded from so many sites individually over the past few years had thought I had from that one too but hey ho I didn't. Had got my hopes up of maybe getting some refunds only to be quickly dashed but guess that's the good old gambling brain trying to get a quick fix solution to my stupidity! Anyway for an hour or so after that I had some stupid thoughts and urges. But I managed to take a break away from computer go do some housework etc and managed to quickly dispell those urges and ideas. Just a reminder how tough it is going to be but putting the tools learned here to use.

Tomorrow is another day as they say. Onwards and upwards.

2 weeks gamble free.

Not been easy, battled urges, done alot of soul searching (which will continue in recovery) and starting to see the 'wood from the tree's as they say'. Done some proactive stuff in that time that will ease financial burden a little in coming months and allow me to keep things simple so I can focus on recovery, but still have large CC debt's that will take many years to pay off (but it's interest free for a good while so one positive and I'm not going to stretch myself too much to pay them back as they shouldn't allow gambling with credit cards anyway - think campaign to stop this is 100% logical). Still waiting to get my gamcare assessment sorted - got offered a slot but will be on holiday, actually when I'm travelling so on list for re-schedule. Regardless, if not going to work out I've started looking at local counsellors also - although I would rather pursue gamcare option first. Better for finances and worked for me before.

Going on a UK break with Mrs and my little boy tomorrow. So looking forward to it. Going to try and have a technology detox for the week as much as possible and be totally present with them. Read a book, relax, do normal family stuff. I really need it. Starting to realise I spend way too much time on laptop and phones, part of problem of being in a tech job and freelance over and above normal full-time job but I need to find more time to 'switch off'. GAMSTOP and K9 software plus this forum helping with those moments where I want a break away from work stuff - when I would be vulnerable to online slots.

At the moment I feel 'wired' most of the time and the days are slow and long, I look forward to going to sleep so my mind can rest. I wish I could switch my brain off for a few hours here and there. Might be something in this holistic, spiritual stuff - maybe I should try meditation or yoga!

Well done for reaching 2 weeks! You've packed in a lot of great things in those two weeks. I'm at the very beginning of my journey and have a lot to sort out and face those dreaded debt letters ive been ignoring. Scary! I hope you have a wonderful break away with your family

Thanks Hardly27 and well done of your 10 days gamble free, first 10 of many!

Had a lovely week away with family, done lots of exercise - cycling, walking, badminton, swimming and even read a book. Things I know I need to do more of as it's good for my mental wellbeing. But Rome wasn't built in a day and I did join the gym recently and have a new routine so that's helping.

Slightly tarnished by the fact my wife and I contracted a dose of food poisoning on our last day which has resulted in a weekend on the sofa with minimal food intake, which isn't a bad thing I guess after a week of eating out.

Got my gamcare assessment appointment sorted for next week which is good by which point I'll be over a month gamble free. Task for this week is to read back my old diary especially in those early days to see what worked well for me then.

Onwards and upwards.

Battled through some major urges yesterday. Had some silly thoughts about gambling but managed to battle through and I did not gamble - went to gym last night which helped.

Have my gamcare assessment this wednesday which will be good to talk things through.

I'm gamble free now for a whole month - I'm pleased about that but know there is never a month in my life that I can gamble again so the numbers aren't so important.

Got a nice weekend planned, keeping busy spending time not on my own and doing things for others - which is something that makes me feel better.

Had my gamcare assessment today. Was a real reality check for me. Telling someone in person what I have done the past 6 months or so has hit home hard. But it came at a good time as my mind had been all over the place past few days.

I haven't gambled for 34 days but these past few days have showed me what a real battle I have ahead for the rest of my life. I have signed up to gamstop which is helping greatly psychologically. Although I have started to have thoughts about other forms of gambling which have never been of interest or a problem. Just shows how f**cked up our minds are. Still looking for a way around dispite all it has taken from me.

The counsellor today made me think so much about my wife and now young son. I need to change, to be a better husband, father and person in general.

After quite a low day yesterday decided to make it a positive evening. Went to gym worked off some negativity.

Then when I got back last night I did something I've been meaning to do for ages. I didn't know there was a Kindle app for all devices. So I downloaded that to my phone and laptop, 2 devices that have become synonomous with gambling for me. But I need to be on these due to nature of my work. Anyway, bought Allen Carr book How to Stop Gambling which I've heard about lots on this forum. Already read quite a bit so far. Going to use those times when I feel urges to read this. And beyond that I think by having the Kindle app it will encourage me to read more generally.

That's the thing about this illness. If you push through on a bad day and don't gamble you feel better the next usually.

Hoping the days don't seem so long soon, only time I relax at moment is when I'm asleep or when with my son.

Onwards and upwards, it is the only way.

Been feeling quite a shift in mindset the last week. In a good way. Not sure if it's because I'm reading Allen Carr book How to Stop Gambling but defo having some effect.

Had a busy weekend. My brother's getting married in a fortnight so was out for home stag do which was messy but good fun. Have to admit i'm really anxious about the best man speech but I can't run away from that. Need to get my head down and start puttting pen to paper as they say. Gambling certainly won't help deal with that anxiety. I find all weddings to be quite nervous affairs - I get nervous even for the wedding party when I'm not even involved. Maybe just a symptom of what gambling has done to me - isolated, anxiety, lack confidence, struggle in crowds etc.

Was a bit hungover yesterday so determined not to let the Monday blues kick in, making sure I have a productive start to the week to set myself up for a good week. Not read much of the book over the weekend so looking forward to fitting some recovery reading in today and gym tonight.

hi, very new to this, signed up today!

i was wondering, do your family know or have you managed to hide it from them?

i hvae been gambling for around 6 years now, feel like my life has been on stand still. recently sold all my belongings trying to chase my losses.

keep up the good work, and thank you for sharing!

Hi stuart1408. Firstly, well done on admitting you have a problem and coming here seeking advice. You will get lots of information here from people in the same boat. Soak it all up.

Nobody knows about my 'secret'. I have managed to hide both my gambling and recovery journey from everyone I know. But I know this is not the best approach and long-term I need to tackle that. I will soon. I did go gamble free for 18months but realise now that I should have spoken to the people closest to me. Problem was my wife and I plus rest of our family were going through alot of pain and I didn't want to make things worse for them at that stage. Had I opened up then maybe I wouldn't have relapsed and be worse off now than before.

Hardest thing is letting go of the money lost and also the daily struggle of beating yourself up mentally.

Almost 50 days gamble free. Have to say yesterday I nearly threw it all away again but glad to say that I didn't. Mainly due to GAMSTOP which has been a big help in terms of online gambling. I tried some ways to gamble but came up against barriers which eventually allowed me time to check myself - what am I doing?

Had got a new work PC end of last week, which didn't have the blocks on it, had lots of files to transfer over so needed to do that before re-installing. Obviously played on my mind over weekend and little monster got into my head. Anyway, managed to get through yesterday. Turned the day around by going to gym, finished reading Allen Carr book How to Stop Gambling which I can honestly say wish I had done long ago. Best £4 i've spent in a long time. Plus now I'm into kindle reader so now onto next book about gambling addiction - going to keep reading, learning.

Safe to say today blocks are back fully in place and I'm feeling in a better place.

Had a great weekend. My brother got married - surrounded by family and friends I genuinely realised how lucky I am. Take gambling away and I have alot to be grateful for. Best man speech went better than I could have hoped and just had a lovely weekend - first father's day with my son also. Continuing to read gambling related recovery books and have first gamcare counselling session tomorrow - well first session of this recovery since relapse.

Since last Tuesday can't think of any urges I've had - getting blocks all back in place has obviously worked.