This is what being a CG feels like

You did really well to stop  yourself and should be super proud of that. Do you have a hobby that you can take part in when you're on the flat? Something to distract you from the flat road you feel you are on right now? i'm afraid i'm fairly new to this site!

Thanks Becky.  Yep.  Need to think of something positive.  Its the thrill that is missing in a lot of things.  That destructive side. Its all short lived though isnt it.  Need to think of a replacement and preferably something constructive and long term.  Got into a rut but I will try to keep positive and will get out eventually.

@krissyboy I completely understand your analogy of the roller coaster, and when I was younger my ability to bounce back from a low seemed boundless. Within the last 15 years my lows were so low that it became harder and harder to get back up. The flat calm road is a much better place to be.

Although it's suggested that you replace gambling with something else to fill the time, that's good advice at the beginning but at some point you have to be able to sit with yourself, no distractions, just be comfortable in your own mind. There's also different ways to look at the time aspect which may help. People talk about filling the time but in all honesty gambling stole our time from us so all you are doing is reclaiming what was stolen from you. Try and cherish that time.

As far as sitting comfortably with your own mind, for me it was working the twelve steps that helped and looking at myself and working on the defects that I'd carried around for so long. Now three years in I'm approaching my longest time away from a bet but I'm happy with me. I was the problem, not gambling, but gambling was my escape from me. Now I can face life.

If you get a chance I'd recommend the 12 steps. They're a life changer and a life saver.

Chris.

Thanks Chris.  Thats something that I havent thought about but really its touched a nerve.  I have never been able to sit and be comfortable just sitting.  I have to either be talking to someone or drinking with someone or playing timewasting games on my phone etc etc.  I have never been comfortable just being.  I always have to be doing.  And yeah its pretty exhausting.  I will look i to your suggestion.  I need to get my head around the fact that thats where i need to be first.  Everything i do is a short term fix the long term outlook is none existant.  Thanks for taking the time to reply.  I have some soul searching to do.