This time....

As NT says never lose hope my friend.

Thinking of you.

Suzanne xxx

Sa

Fella I will just write that old clichГ©

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

I trod circles for more than twenty years, with each tide I couldn't help but feel that it was the life cast for me .

Today I know that there is a different way.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

SA,

Words fails me this morning...
Never give up giving up dear soldier!

Just for today, stay sound and safe

S x

Hi S.A.,

Im at work. Waiting for my class to arrive. I'm in a I hate the world today mood. There's a pile of carbs in the kitchen. It's like a conspiracy! I want the cake dammit but, I want balanced blood glucose levels more. Thank god I brought breakfast from home. If I were hungry the urge to stuff myself would have been too over powering. Not sure why I'm babbling on your diary like this. Work through the pissativity and then move on. Don't drop anchor there. C'mon S.A. Up ya go.. -joaxxxxx

Ive completely lost the plot.... in typical compulsive gambler mode... and with the last few quid i have, ive tried desparately to win back atleast a portion of the money ive lost. Of course I have lost the lot and now have a maxed out credit card and maxed out overdraft. Financially am at rock bottom.

In my self am numb. I can't quite believe what ive done. Am scared. Am like a Jekel and Hyde type character. At work I am mature and responsible as soon as i leave work am just obsessed about gambling. I have completely changed since I triggered myself a few days ago after drinking. Am on a road to destitution or suicide if I don't stop now....

So, here we go once more.... its been 30 minutes since my last gamble....

SA,

Keep fighting man, stop this self destruction..it hurts to see you like that!!
Please keep posting and fighting it minute at a time. You can do it and you know that yourself.
Pick yourself up..i know it's easier said than done, but there is no other way out ok. You gotta stand bk up dear soldier, it will hurt, it will cut deep..but with time this shall also pass.
You're worth better things in life than what you're doing to yourself now! Accept you're powerless towards this addiction...there is no point to go down this path..it will eat you alive and i don't want it to eat you f****n alive!!! I see this great, intelligent, caring and wise person in you!!!
Enough! Just put final dot to this ugly addiction. Get all the support you can and learn to walk again. Time heals, ..just follow the road you meant to be on all along - recovery!. Life is s**t but you don't know what tomorrow brings..but your own actions can influence those choices/changes.

Cmon man..we're rooting for you. ..you're someone's world! ..even tho you feel like the only human being on this earth...you're not.

Looking forward gor your update later on today

Stay safe...cmon..nice and steady..getting bk up and starting again..never give up giving up

S x

Still listening, ... hope you ok, keep talking even if it's so hard to get words out.

Rooting for you

(((((((((SA))))))))))

S x

Not been around for a few days and just read your diary.

Thinking of you and listening very, very hard, even a whisper will do to let me know how you are.

xxx

Hi all... thanks for still being here for me.

Its very hard to write anything anymore, because am very much in the throes of compulsive gambling. I am not working recovery. To use a common metaphor.. Ive thrown myself off the proverbial cliff, landed on the rocks, broken my back and am now thrashing around desparately getting nowhere. The only reason am not gambling now is that I have no access to money. Thankfully when i tried to get a pay day loan they said no and when i tried to extend my credit card limit they said no to. Its a small saving grace that its no longer easy to get credit like it use to be before the credit crunch.

How am i feeling... well to be honest am feeling kind of relieved that I can't gamble. When i realised i'd reached the end of the financial road I went out for a run... 14 miles in 2 hours and 2 minutes. Pretty good eh, ideal running conditions.

I hope my post doesn't anger anybody. But this forum is a place of truth for me. I just say it as it is. I can't really say it as it is anywhere else... without a level of condemnation and disbelief.

I am now at a cross roads. I can either f**k everything and gamble whenever i have access to money and follow the yellow brick road to homelessness and suicide or I can choose to stop. Its my life isn't it.

Thanks for listening... S.A

Always listening S.A. -joanxxxx

Please choose 'STOP' S.A!

SA,

It's time to look deep inside you to see what makes you so unhappy that you are at this crossroads, gambling is not the source of the problem, it's a S****y illusion of not letting you face up to what is the problem.

You know gambling makes everything worse, am listening and can't tell you, but this I will say, accept what you can't change, but what you can to make your life better(and I know you deserve this, you are a lovely caring person) CHANGE what you can, any self destructive addiction will thrive on us giving up and continuing to let it, I think that maybe we want to self destruct and that is why we carry on feeding it, I did self destruct in a different way, everyone is different, I wanted it all to end and threw everything and anything to keep its light burning, that was my choice and not one thing anyone said to me would of been of any help.

Try not to expect too much from yourself, be who you are SA I have followed you and your advice for nearly a year now and you are a lovely person, please look deep inside yourself and ask yourself why you want to self destruct , gambling is just another option to self destruct with.

Thoughts are with you and always listening and reading, and I hope my post helps, even if only a little.

Take care and take hold of your life my friend.

Suzanne xxx

Instead of talk about blocks & barriers to stop you gambling how about we flip the problem & tackle it from a different perspective. You have blocks & barriers also that you have put up to stop your progression towards recovery. Without smashing those down you are always going to struggle. Gambling is just one of the many blocks your mind has put in place to slow your journey towards a happier life. Amongst others you have put up are probably the fear of failure, resentment of others, telling yourself you are stuck in a job or relationship you dont take pleasure from. The statements you have made to yourself that this is your lot & you are incapable or unworthy of any better.

The truely awful relationship we have with our own self is the biggest barrier to sustained recovery. How do we change that? With an enormous amount of hard work. Courage, humility & acceptance of who & what we are. This will not be achieved overnight or even over the next few years. Its a lifetime of work. But it is possible & i have no doubt you are more than capable of doing it.

Starting the process is hard, carrying it on when tough times hit is harder & when things are good it is even more difficult to push on. Concentrate on your Life & not your life problems.

One Breath
One Step
One Day At A Time

Dan

S.A.

It makes me really sad to see you are struggling with life and more specifically you continue to struggle with gambling. It is amazing to think how long you practiced abstinence for and yet gambling is back in your life. It really is true what they say this is a one day at a time issue. I trully hope you can start living one day at a time again. Forget yesterday and just concentrate on being good to yourself today. The days add up into weeks and months and things can settle down and get better once again.

I am a long time off a bet now (over ten months) and I must say that gambling plays no part in my life today. It is easy for me to say that today because I am far from the stress and chaos of gambling. When I played roulette every day I was smack bang in the middle of chaos on a grand scale and thinking logically was something that I simply couldn't do. Now that I am free from addiction (big words but I believe them to be true) I can focus on the things in life that are important.

I liken quitting gambling to quitting smoking. It is hellish at the beginning because the addiction is so strong. Going just 24 hours without a bet or smoke feels so unmanageable and so very hard. Ask someone off gambling or smoking for 300 days if it was hard to not bet or smoke today and they will probably tell you that they haven't given either any thought whatsoever.

The point I try to make is all the hard work needs to be done at the beginning and the enjoyment is realised later. Get yourself back on a quit and move your focus to something that you enjoy doing. Get entered into a challenging race such as a marathon and give it your all. I like you a great deal and wish good things for you. It breaks my heart to see the pain you are in.

Tomso.