Today is day 24 of not gambling and I'm so proud!
Over the past 5 or 6 weeks my life has been turned upside down and inside out.I posted my story a few days ago and I'm so glad I did.The kind words and advice that guys and girls on this sight have given me I have found to be invaluable.I find myself reading it all the time,it absolutely hurts like hell but I find it helps me focus on ridding myself of this horrible illness!
When I started on this journey to rid myself of the gambling demons that have along with my help ruined my life I did so alone,I just had to stop! I had never looked at any websites or sought any help(except a rather short visit to a GA meeting)I was on the brink of losing the woman and children I love so dearly,actually I said I was but really I mean I am.I could still lose everything,my whole family,lost to gambling.No idea why it took me until three and a half weeks ago to man up and take responsibility and to fight this illness.Could well be three and half weeks too late.I have been gambling for nearly 27 years.Im in pain with the guilt and going through all sorts of emotions.So ashamed.Hope I can stick this out and don't give in to the demons.
Wish I had signed up weeks ago,would probably of saved myself a whole load of anguish,you people on here are great,all going through the same s#$t,good luck to each and everyone of you.Stay strong and think about your loved ones,I know I wish I had.
Got some soul searching to do now!
Today I am finding it really hard to resist,I've not caved yet but the cravings there.Its day 28 of being "normal" and never thought I would get this far.I have definitely been to hell and back over the past couple of months.I have been trying to fight the gambling demons and save my relationship at same time.Its been such a traumatic time with so many tears shed! Found myself sitting outside the bookies in the car the other day,felt like there was an invisible force pulling me out the car,almost 2 hours spent fighting the urge.I won tho and surprised myself!! Just keep telling myself I WILL LOSE everything if I fall of this wagon,can't throw my family away.Going GA Friday tho as gotta do everything I can. Just want to be bloody normal!!! Oh and if you read my first ever post I'm winning the fight for Doris too,fingers crossed she will see I wanted and am changing!! Can't and won't let her and my kids down. Must continue to fight the urge!!!!
Just got in from night shift.Keep thinking about gambling all the bloody time!! Driving me nuts.Not given in to the demon tho! It's tough trying to not think about betting especially when the Mrs and I are going through such a trying time.Just wish she would be more supportive (guess that's where all my lies and deceit are coming back to bite me on the a**e) to me.Guess I'm just going to have to keep up the fight for her and prove myself.I know she don't realise how far I have come with my fight against gambling but today is day 29 of gambling abstinence.Trying to look forward to a happier future,it's hard feeling like a loser.What was I thinking all those years of gambling and pain!!
Just want to thank everyone that posts thier own battle on here and their progress and advice,I truly find it inspirational. Need to sleep now and so want a happy dream for a change!!
Hey buddy hope your well congrats on your 29 days keep fighting those demons it's bloody hard but each day you will uncover a new piece of yourself not all good I may add but you need to find yourself and your soul again it's bloody hard as that's what we've been running away from but we can do it if we stay strong good luck mate.
the bear
Christ this is hard!! Still fighting the demon and still fighring to win back hearts.Constantly feeling sick with the struggle of it all,everyday is a battle,with my head my heart my guilt and the pain that comes with being a f*****g loser for so long.
Have no idea what my future holds regarding my family and loved ones,constantly asking myself if I can ever make things right.All I do know is today is day 30 of gambling abstinence and I'm still fighting the urge!! If I'm ever going to make things right in my life all I know is there's no place for gambling.....its for mugs and I don't want to be a mug anymore!!
Well done on your journey fella, your doing great. The urges are strong an always will be. You need too live with this for the rest of your life but it gets easier the more you block it out your life. Wake up every morning an admit too yourself what gambleing has done too you an what it could do. That should be enough too take your mind off it all day. Then do same the next moring till it gets easier. I have gambled on an off for years. I am fine when I stay gamble free different person love life. Then I think I can control this an back gambleing worse than ever. I am back an on day 7. You need too come on here everyday an admit your problems. Seems depressive but it gets your through. Always move forward never back. Good luck stay strong
jjsdad2014,
You must not give in! It's easy to use the excuse that the Mrs don't understand but how can she when we don't understand ourselves? Take strength from 'us' knowing how amazing it is that you have stopped!
You are doing brilliantly! Try to find excuses not to gamble rather than reasons why you could & the non gambling days will add up, I promise u!
First of all let me thank you guys for your posts and kind words.I know what your saying and I know your right.The Mrs is hardly going to be able to understand how hard this is for me to deal with especially as I'm still finding out things about myself!! This disease is merciless and the lives it's ruined and continues to ruin is truely unmeasurable!
The guilt guilt guilt of what I have done is eating me away so badly,how the hell could I have done this to so many,the pain I have caused! Today is Saturday and used to be the most important day in my gambling life,yet today is day 32.Staying positive and not looking back!! Anyone any idea if and when the stomach churning sick feeling will surpass,if it ever does??? Bring on day 33.
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