Time to change

Do you have blocks/self exclusion in place westsider? I ask because I know for myself I would never have managed the first few weeks on willpower alone, I had to not be able to gamble in order to stop. I'm into my second month now and getting stronger but I certainly didn't feel it at the beginning so hang on in there. Hope you've been ok today.

Littlebit80 - last gamble 25/04/12.

So I didn't make it.. Lost all my money for the month & feel completely gutted. I don't have blocks in place, thought I could make it without. I feel week and ashamed. But in a weird way relieved. I think I needed to do this.

just to prove to myself once and for all I was always destined to fail. Anyway I'm not giving up on this I have to be strong.

Things could be a lot worse. Its time to start again. In 25 I have my whole life ahead of me. I can't let this infliction destroy me.

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

Hi Westsider,

Sorry 2 read about ur slip. Nearly all of us that r trying to quit gambling have at least one slip. Sometimes it makes us stronger.

Hopefully u can get the blocks in place, that will help 🙂

Stay strong, u can do this 🙂

HI Westsider,

Nice to see you in chat tonight sorry to hear about your slip, s**t happens we are human and make mistakes, as long as you learn something from it its not a mistake put it down to experience. As the saying goes, "pick yourself up dust yourself off, and start again "

Come back stronger and more determined this time to beat this.

I wish you strength, take it one day at atime

blondie day 36

I'm in a twisted place. Can't sleep. Got to go to work in 2 hours. No one to turn to. I despise myself for what I have done today. I can't keep anything up. I'm destined to mess up. Can't learn from my mistakes. Just history repeating its self. I have no strength. I have nothing. I want to live but not like this.

life is a disease sexually transmitted and fatal.

Hello Westsider

Welcome to my world, or should I say your world, there are millions of people living like us, but not many that have the sense to come here and openly admit to their failings, that alone I think makes us stronger and determined to run the course, I gave up gambling again last Friday after stealing £400 pounds from my wifes account and losing it all in the bookies, number of times I have been up and lost it all, never been able to cut my losses or take my winnings, have gambling consume my whole day, sure this sounds familiar...

Since last week I have had 4 bets the last one a few days ago, but have since begun to self exclude from all the bookies, I aslo used to spreadbet the Forex markets, have since blocked access to those sites, also will ask them to close my accounts. Sometimes I think why bother closing the account, because if I want to bet I can always find a way around that, but one truth is yes that is true, but instead of gambling being one step away, having to open an account disable blockers etc, makes it 2 steps, i.e adding a layer of defence, time to reflect on what I am doing etc. Yesterday, I traded for the last time lost again, (it always suprises me when that happens, lol, but it really does, never really think I will lose) and have resolved to get through the next 40 days starting today without gambling, would like it if you wanted to join me, walking one day at a time?

Love the quotes by the way and we have our lives to live,

Stay strong

John

Thanks for your kind words guys. It helps to know I'm not alone. Today was hard. Most of the morning I was wondering around in a daze. Lost in a torrent of thoughts.

I can just about pull myself out of this mess, without too much financial backlash but only just! A lot of people asked me why I was so quite today, I said it was money worries and left it at that.

I have got better as the day has progressed. I don't stay down for very long that's probably part of the problem. But I'm not going to forget how I was feeling last night for a long time. Absolutely sick! I'm positive I wont gamble today. I really am done with it. It's so pointless, there is so much to look forward to. It's time to change. I WILL CHANGE.

Sometimes you have to lose your mind before you can come to your senses.

I've had a relatively good day. I definitely have a clearer head, but gambling still floats in and out of my mind. I tend to think of the bad beats I've had recently; 2 15/1 shot river cards have cost me over £500. But I came to the conclusion that I would have lost that money at some point anyway. When I'm winning the compulsion is worse. My greatest loses have always followed my biggest wins.

I got my bank statement today. 39 different gambling deposits and withdrawals this month. That's crazy, I was out of control. I'm going to burn the statement tonight in sort of a ritualistic way.

I think I have a slight phobia of post. I don't like opening bills and statements probably cause they have always brought bad news. No gambling today and that's how it's going to stay.

I smile and act like nothing is wrong. It's called putting s**t aside and acting strong

It’s my last day of work before I go away for a long weekend. A much needed break. I am currently living off a payday loan so I can’t let my hair down too much but I have enough cash to have a good time.

I could look at the negative side of my situation; I have hardly any money left for the month. My ankle hurts after playing football last night and I’m really tired. However being an optimist (a dangerous trait for a gambler) I could say at least I have some money. I’m going away to see friends. I am able to walk and I can catch up on my sleep. I look back on my dark post a few days ago and realise that isn’t me.

I will not gamble again. I really won’t it’s just a weird feeling in my gut. It’s different this time. There has always been a little voice saying, “You can go back in a few months, pay your debts off and try again.” That voice has gone. I am a compulsive gambler and total abstinence is the only way forward.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.

Great positive post westsider, thats the spirit, keep at it, things are and will get better each day for you.

Have a great weekend away.

Blondie day 39

'Sometimes you have to lose your mind before you can come to your senses'

that reminds me myself 54 days ago.i lost 4000 euros in 3 nights on roulette....yes i lost my mind that period.yes i m a compulsive gambler.but i came to my senses , i realised i CANT WIN CAUSE I CANT STOP!

So I’m back and still gamble free. I had a fantastic jubilee holiday. Went to Manchester and caught up with some friends. I was on a tight budget but I managed to have fun, be generous and still come home with some petrol money. Come payday I will only owe £400 out in loans. My aim is to pay off my overdrafts by the end of the year. Then start paying my family back whilst saving for travelling. The future is bright without a flutter.

I’m not thinking about gambling as much as I was. I told my friends up north about my current situation. Skint for the start of summer! We have talked things through and I’m glad I messed up they way I did. Things happen for a reason and a pair of 6s against AK was my last bet. Later on in my life I will be thankful that the 6s lost. All the numbers of a roulette table add up to 666 I was chasing the beast but the beast has been beaten out of me. I’ll never let my guard down again. I’m not going back.

One of my friends is a compulsive gambler and he is destroying his life in a big way. I’m determined to help him. Gambling is a very selfish act; I need to be selfless and give something back. I will check up on him regularly and try and get him to quit. I’m also going to do some volunteer work and give something back to the community.

Nobody can do everything, but everyone can do something.

Hi Westsider, thank u 4 ur support on my diary. It means alot 🙂

U r doing brilliant!

I am glad u had a gr8 wknd. Ur determination shines thru!

U can do this 🙂

Stay strong and keep going 🙂

HI Westsider,

Thanks for the post its really weird that you posted that as i had said the same thing a few days ago to someone else, its never crossed my mind.

Its great to see you still going strong, you sound so much more determined to beat this, You was up in my neck of the woods nice to see manchester welcomed you and you had a good time.

Take care

Blondie day 46

I've had a positive day, got a good night sleep. In fact I probably stayed in bed a little too long, which is a rarity for me. I was put into a euro football sweep stake at work without being asked. It was only £2 to enter, but I declined, it's still gambling and i'm teetotal now. Probably would have found it harder to pass up if it was £20.

Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.