Time to stop

Hi Damo,

Sounds familiar this one. One of my CG 'friends' from years ago still owes me £50 but I know it's long gone. He too came up with excuse after excuse but the best was when he showed me a hole in his pocket where the money must have fallen through (he obviously cut the hole himself). Needless to say he owes a lot more to other people and we are no longer friends mainly because he simply isn't a good person in general.

Fair play to you for leaving that life behind. Remember we can't change anyone else, only ourselves.

All the best

Hey Damo

9 months to the day, time is flying keep racking up those days.

Not been posting as much I used to but never stopped working on my recovery. Not far off the 10 months and still going strong.

What I'm really struggling with at the moment though, is getting over some of the terrible things I've done in the past. Stealing cheating lying...you name it I've done it.

My counsellor recently asked me a question...."Do you love yourself?". Was an easy question to answer....No I don't.

Guilt of what I've done in the past still haunts my thoughts every day. I guess I shouldnt expect to get over 20 years of gambling in just 10 months.

Need to start to forgiving myself a little I guess......

Damo

Hi Damo and well done on your gf months, your counsellor is right - you do need to start liking yourself again, you cannot do anything to change the past but you are now in control of your future. Do something nice every day now matter how small it is, its surprising how good it makes you feel and can be part of your healing process. Best wishes x

Wow 300 days well done you.

Dammmooooo. Happy Spartans day dude.

Firstly , congratulations on 300 day's Damo :)) Fantastic achievement my friend and one you should be proud of .

As for looking back with feelings of regret, well, weve all been there buddy and most of us can remember doing a few nasty things along the way but youv'e changed now , your addressing your addiction and building a new life . Back then when we were in the grip of gambling we didn't care who we hurt or trod on as long as we could find the funds to feed our habit and noithing else mattered did it ? .

So now youv'e moved on to a better place , a place where youv'e gained a whole new set of values and principles and a place where your learning to embrace life and be happy , so start enjoying it buddy ? , as they say on here "It's ok to look back but just don't stare " ! , leave it behind , make peace with yourself and enjoy what youve earned honestly :)).

Look after yourself Damo :))

Best wishes and much respect

Alan

Cheers for the posts guys....appreciated as always.

Damooooo
Ooh....sorry love...not been on here much lately...
Just seen I missed a sleacial day...sooooooo
Belated well dones to you my booty x

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Hi Damo, another amazing milestone reached by you - it shall not be long until one year gamble free!!

Well played my friend!

Apologies if it's been said before Damo but have you considered GA? No-one in those rooms baulks @ anything because most of us have walked in your shoes. There will be people there who have come through the storm & may have techniques to help you deal with the guilt. Certainly if you were minded to 'buy into it', I believe one of the steps focuses on making amends.

But yes, 20 years is a lot of bad habits to unlearn & 10 months is but a platform...Don't ever forget though, every journey starts with a single step & you've already made hundreds. Keep working @ it - ODAAT

Thank you all very much for your posts and sorry for the delay in replying

allainepo fully honesty is still something i am working on but i am getting there slowly. I dont think i will be fully there till i have been able to be honest with everyone in my life.

Tommy thanks for your comments as always great to read you are still going strong.

ODAAT GA is something i have done in the past and to be honest something i wish i could do again but my work means that it is virtually impossible at the moment. I do move about clients so when my circumstances change it might be possible to do in the future.

Havent been updating my diary as of late....i guess i was hiding from answering some of the questions asked above. Anyway i have hidden to long in my life so time to try and break the habbit of a life time.

Gambling still plays no part of my life and i have continued focussing on the parts of my life that deserve my time. Been working much harder these days and i think people are starting to see the difference. As well as that my time with my family has become much more enjoyable and i think my family can see the benefits of me not gambling as well.

Unfortunately my health has not been very good and after 3 episodes of blacking out over the last 3/4 months i have been banned from driving and the doctor says i need to be tested for epilepsy. This is going to make my work life very difficult but i guess safety has to come first. Just have to hope the trains run well over the next few months.

Life for me is much better than it was nearly 11 months ago and this website has played a big part in that. I still read on here lots and its great to see the usual people going strong.

All the best to everyone.
Damo

Been at home last few days with not being well and it's days like this when I have more spare time and I start to think about the past.

Must find a way to deal with times like this when I'm bored and can't shut down.

No counselling for 3 weeks with being away at xmas. Maybe I will update my diary a bit more often.

Hi Damo

Not far off a year gamble free, that in it's self is a great achievement. Look back and learn from your mistakes but they are behind you. It's what's ahead you want to reach out and grab. A wedding and a family who love you. Put your health first. Stressing about the past will not help. Christmas fun with the family is a lot to look forward too, keep up with your diary.