Time to stop

Had a tough night tonight....

Really struggling to fill the time I used to spend gambling.....making me realise how little I have going on in my life.

Working away isn't helping as I'm sat on my own in the house.

No gambling though and I'm sure it will improve with time.

Day 16

Lasyt night definitely one of the toughest nights I have had so far but didnt gamble so thats a positive.

Going home day today so looking forward to heading home after i finish work and get to spend the day with my son tomorrow. Havent deicded what im going to do with him yet. I also have another counselling session. Felt much better after it last week, so hoping for the same tomorrow.

hey damian,

Keep your head up 🙂 matey .. I guess the days away don't help but its taken long enough to get here to ever reset that counter..

Good news and bad news on the job front ... Always have to leave for much better money... thats the way life is as i found out 🙂 but keep at it in the meantime..

Yeah counselling does help . and hopefully will re-focus your efforts again... i hop soon you let your wife know as I know personally that will help hugely and as much as it may be crapo to start with over time you wont be living a lie still 🙂

speak soon buddy

Kris

Day 17 & 18

Another good counselling session yesterday.....feels really good getting to talk to someone without the feeling of being judged.

Today the family is going to the cinema to get the kids out the house.

It feels nice to not be constantly stuck to my phone.

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

Hi damo.

Well done so far mate. I like everyone else can relate to what you are saying. I'm currently on second stint of trying to kick the habit for good.

Last time was 3 years ago. And with help from a counsellor I didn't bet for 9-12 months.

Unfortunately I slipped back into it. Losing more money and amarriage.

Culminating in losing £10k on online blackjack (a 1/3 of my annual net salary) two nights ago.

I have been gambling for 15 years with not a thing to show for it. So I again am determined to kick this for good, start counselling Saturday and want to eventually enjoy life like normal people.

I want to have a good trusting relationship with my new gf and to start a family with her.

Sorry to hijack your diary.

Keep it up. Everything you are doing is really positive.

Mike

No need to apologies Mike....I appreciate your comments and can relate to everything you have gone and are going through.

I'm more determined than ever to beat this and it's good to know I have the support of others in a similar position.

Hope all goes well for you as well.

Cheers

Damian

Day 19...

Another day gamble free and another day of spending money on enjoying life rather than wasting it.

Hi Damo

Those days are starting to mount up. Glad you seem to be getting something out of counselling it's something I tried in the past for a bereavement and didn't quite take to it. Something I'm not ruling out. I hope helps you to confide in your partner. I didn't work for me but might of done if I had gone to her sooner rather than having no choice.

Keep doing what you doing nearly 3 weeks I "bet" you didn't think you would be you would be saying that 19 days ago.

KTF

Hi Damo. Well done with your recovery, you seem to be benefiting from the counselling. It's not for everyone but I've found it a great help too .

I really hope you talk with your partner soon as this will aid your recovery. Our addictions are built on secrets and lies and there comes a time when​ enough is enough - only you will know when is best. Saying that, there is never a 'right time', you just have to bite the bullet and then your recovery can truly begin. I wish you all the best when that time comes. Xxx

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Hi Annie & Oldham.....thanks very much for your kind words and for the advice. The partner thing i know will come but like you said Is there ever a right time to do it. I guess some people will think I am a coward but I am dealing with it how i feel i need to at the moment.

Well Day 20 is here and the days are starting to mount up now. I have stopped even looking at the prices of teams before football matches and just started to watch the games for the enjoyment.

I am still a little lacking in motivation so find times where I am on my own and have nothing to do a bit difficult and thats when i start to think about things. Wish i could push myself to go for a run or do a bit of studying that would help me to prgoress with work.

Anyway enough of the negativity....im delighted to have hit the 20 days. Took the mrs out for dinner on fri night for valentines, took the family out to the cinema on saturday and then went up to Manchester for the man city v spurs match yesterday. As i said yesterday....spending the money on enjoying time with the family and enjoying life.....no more wasting it for me.

hey matey,

Well done on getting where you are ... I can relate to how the mind works and not looking at the odds on games anymore or with just the idea of looking rather than trying to work out what you could win..

As time passes even that does.. i don't ever look at the odds these days .. sky sports live app as skybet odds turned off and makes watching the game more about passion than anything .. I was watching the game.. who is your team?

so whats your next target ? a full month ?

nice to see you're doing family things 🙂 i had my first weekend in a long time enjoing life and it feels good 🙂

Kris

Hey Kris....still taking it day by day but yes the 1 month is my next real target. 26th of Feb im coming to get you haha.

Im a scotsman living in the midlands and my real team up north is Hearts. I love football though and go to as many games as i can. Was at Aston Villa v Norwich weekend before last, with a friend from Birmingham, but I do tend to go to more City games then anyone else as I am working in the lake district so I stop at the game on my way up.

Yeah all this has really made me think about how much my family means to me......so glad to hear you are enjoying life, really is too short to waste it losing money and being miserable 🙂

Hi damo

Just read your diary and it seems like yr doing great. Couple of thoughts.

Telling my partner seemed like the hardest thing ever. I finally blurted it out, any sense of style or timing going outof the window -that really doesn't matter. That was 3 years ago and I haven't looked back.

re lacking motivation. This is very common. Gambling took up so much time and provided a 'sugar rush', so we got dependent on thia artificial rush and stopped doing stuff that's important to us. Even worse than not 'doing', we even lose a sense of who we are, what it was we were all about anyway

I've found working around my values really helpful to get back on track. I thought of 5-6 'core' values -traits which are important to you. I then work a series of goals in pursuit of my values. These can be broken down small so almost like a daily 'to do' list. The key is to commit even of small. Its really not about 'getting therre' but the journey and setting sail on the right course.

I realise that might sound kind of mechanical but its a way of jump starting your re-connection, with what's important in yr life. Of being the person you want to be.

Best

Louis

Hi cardhue....thanks for taking the time to comment on my diary and what you have suggested makes alot of sense to me. Need to start focusing on little targets day by day and, in a way, stop feeling sorry for myself.

Spent this morning reading your diary and what a journey you have been on.....congratulations on it may i add.

My Day 21 and 3 weeks is now here.....its funny looking back on that day, trying to get to sleep but not being able to settle. Walking around my room, into to the bathroom or living room, I just couldnt settle anywhere. I finally gave in and called my mum to open up to what i had done to myself again.

It has only been 21 days but its been 21 days where I have not lost myself in gambling.....I still feel like i need to come to terms with things and need to put more effort into improving my life but im getting there. I have a family who I love more than anything...but I still dont really like myself very much and that i need to work on.

Reading people diaries in here has now become my obsession but it had helped me to see that you can get passed it....and seeing people relaps has only made more determined to not let it happen to me.

Day 22...

Not very well today but still in work...bit of a struggle though.

No thoughts of gambling at all yesterday as I was in work and then out for a meal as some of the bosses had come up to take us out. Was nice to get out and socialise a bit. Not very much to say today so will leave it at that.