Toughest unwanted battle imaginable

DAY 112

thanks Little Miss Lot for your beautiful post and support, I will message you straight back as soon as I can.

How I am feeling today - I slept very well, probably a good 8 hours, first time in a long time. When I opened my eyes I felt very sad thinking of someone so I started singing happy songs to myself and jumped in the shower. Since then I have had my head down at work and had a few f*g breaks, watching the blue t**s, nut hutches and wagtails, eating nuts and seeds from our hanging cages at work. The sun is shining and I feel pleased to be alive.

No gambling urges whatsoever, I haven't had any in a very long time and I hope it remains that way.

Week until payday which is good because I am running out of funds now but that is okay, I am at peace with myself and I am happy going home in the evening, watching TV and attending to my guinea pigs.

One day at a time I will recover and get stronger, my sense of humour has returned amongst colleagues, family and friends and I am looking forward.

Just for another day I will put myself first for a change and avoid negative and destructive people or circumstances, today I will be kind to myself and others, lending support where I can because it feels good to be kind to others.

Have a great day everyone and for those that are really struggling I send you all big hugs and I understand what you are going through.

Wilsy xxx

Those days are mounting up for you, Willsy! Congratulations mate!

Glad to hear things are going well and that you’re at peace with yourself. That’s the best feeling ever, right!

I remember feeling like that during my last stay of abstinence.

Keep smashing it buddy!

Dan

Thanks Dan, yes I am beginning to find some peace with a few situations and am on top of my anxiety finally, anxiety is horrible.

I'll keep smashing it don't you worry

Wilsy

Well done Wilsy - Keep it going!

Jayden

Thanks Jayden Lad, appreciated! 🙂

Hi Wilsey x thanks for your post. I’m so glad that things are better for you 🙂 the signs of spring coming are lovely, that’s my fav time year that and autumn. I love guinea pigs! Love all animals I used to have a guinea pig called Jet she was so funny. Glad your anxiety going it is awful 🙁 keep going your one of my inspirations:) . Best wishes x

Keep up good work Wilsy! Just for today - stay safe

X

Great to read you sounding so positive and upbeat. Sounds like you have really turned a corner. You have done amazingly well not to fall back to gambling in your lowest moments - your commitment is inspirational. X

DAY 113

thanks Lulu, SB28 and Annie for your kind and supportive posts, I will message you all back individually when I can.

Well this numpty overslept this morning! Was having a lovely dream and when i opened my eyes I thought, 'Wow it's bright outside' then I look at my phone at it said '8.31', I needed to be at work at 8.30! Let's just say the deoderant went on, I chucked some clothes on, brushed my teeth and was at my desk at 8.53, lucky I only live a mile away eh!

Pleased to hear I am an inspiration to some. I've been in my position a few times in the past and have always relapsed, it feels different this time and I really do hope that I can stay on the straight and narrow and if I can give confidence to people at the same time, then that is a great thing.

I believe you get back what you put in. I am on my own, I have an isolated and lonely week each week so for me, I enjoy logging in, writing my bit and then reading and supporting others. I have tried really hard to abstain for 113 days but I also believe by putting in the effort to support others and to cheer them up or send them some kind words, has really set me up for the day ahead.

I still have a broken heart, I have personal anquish and issues but I will keep on pushing forward, I mustn't sit still and think about things for too long as the depression will surface and take me over, I don't want to go downhill, I am doing the best that I can and with small steps, I will get better.

Now pretty much skint but parents happy to lend me some money on the weekend to get some food, petrol and to go out.

Have a great day everyone!

Hi Wilsy - I just want to thank you for dropping into my diary. Your positivity was a big help.

I'm glad that you've battled though your dark days and managed to clock up an impressive 113 gf. It's not easy to stay strong, fight anxiety and heartbreak - but you're doing it. It's inspirational. I loved your description about how you were feeling yesterday ... watching the birds, the sun shining and happy to be alive ... it was a tonic to read. I loved it. I want to keep it in my head!

Have a brilliant day yourself too.

Thanks Equinox

it's so difficult isn't it to fight anxiety, depression, gambling and heartbreak as well as loneliness all at once so I must be stronger than I thought but already this morning I feel sad in the space of an hour, I'm not working but at work instead, i am reading diaries and supporting people, I'm sure this has not gone unoticed by my work colleagues. I hope I can snap out of it, I might just need my lunch break, I just don't feel like working today.

Awwwww I'm pleased you liked my post about the sunshine and the birds, I love animals and nature, for me the world would be such an awful place if we didn't have wildlife. When I am feeling very low I just focus on my guinea pigs because they need me and are there for me always. I love watching wild birds feeding in the sunshine, you feel so good when you put all sorts of goodies out for them and you see them scoffing their little beaks haha.

Yes try and put happy thoughts in your head each day, be yourself, take yourself away from destructive people, situatuions and stress and just enjoy being alive, we have this one off opportunity to enjoy this world, let's for a change do it at our own pace and how we want to live it, instead of trying to please others.

Wishing you well

Wilsy x

True. One life to live one life to give. Love the life you live, so you can live the life you love.

True Smashed and those who just love themselves and are selfish not to think of others, have no place in my life.

Good on you Willsy, keep going my friend.

Your positivity and selflessness are helping me. You wrote on my diary and I draw strength from that. Enjoy the wildlife

Thanks Burko mate, we'll help eachother because we both know the pain. Keep up the good work, always check in with you when I can.