Hi,
I have been here before under a different name, time to try again, the last time I was here I was as I am now, unable to control my slot addiction, I am currently £11k in debt and that eats away at me, but what I have found during this last month's episode is that I am now more concerned about the time and lies that this horrible habit takes up.
Let me tell you about the last month, it all started with me depositing online and spinning at £20-£50 a go on the slots (madness), I havent been online since and have excluded since then, all the money has gone that I won on FOBTS in the bookies, I am excluded from the ones local to me but whenever I have the opportunity to be somewhere else then I am alsways looking to get on one particular game in the bookies - no idea at all why but it has me hooked! A few weeks ago when I was on holiday with my family I even nipped in and spent £100 plus whilst they were ordering ice creams, previously I went in whilst they were on the beach and spent £250! Yesterday was the final straw, I managed to go to a bookies and won £140, last night due to circumstance change I found myself with time to kill, I went to the bookies and proceeded to lose the £140.00 plus another £110.00, but worse than that was the lie I told my wife, I said I was stuck in traffic and would be late, doing this meant that I missed putting my little boy to bed.
I have been away from here for along time and between then I have been stupid beyond belief with money but also the stress that the lies and deceit cause me are making me ill.
I hope that today is the start again.
I will post to keep people up to date and hope I can help anyone that needs it.
Hey Yo
Well tonight I put my little one to bed! That's better and no slots
Well done mate remember the small things are so important you cant get them back. Gambling is a horrible affliction which will rob you of sooooo much.
Stay strong
Today will be a good day as well with no time wasted on stupid slots
Three days ago I was waiting time piling 250 pounds into a machine instead of seeing my little boy. The money has gone and that's ok, I will get my debts paid but the time I will never get back. I still feel terrible. I hope this feeling stays with me so I will never do it again.
"I am now more concerned about the time and lies that this horrible habit takes up."
I know what you mean, I wasted a whole weeks annual leave in the bookies last month. I had so much planned for my time off and got nothing done. My mind couldnt settle, I was gambling a lot more than usual and I could only think about my next bet.
This feeling of guilt isn't going! I think it's the fact I worked out what I owe and it's more than I thought. What have I become. I have a 4 year old who needs me
Less guilt but no less determination. Day 6 today.
Well done on 6 days, hey yo, the guilt doesn't go but the determination soon outweighs the guilt, and makes us so much stronger, keep strong, determined and keep going, recovery is really life changing,
Suzanne xx
Determination indeed. Thanks for the comment Suzanne. No more dark secrets from my lovely family
Hi Ty for commenting on my Diary. WE can do this, I think its the guilt thats making me so determined this time. I want the guilt and the debt gone. Then I think Ill feel like the old me again. I wish you well and hopefully in a few months we'll be looking back saying we did it. abstain, no looking back. Tomorrow is another gamble free day 🙂
So one week down. A small step but hoping the fog of that last crazy month can clear!
Hey one week down, is a big achievement, and a massive step forwards.
You are doing just fine.
Suzanne xx
Thanks Suzanne. As are you, another day done x
And another one done but feeling like I want to go to the bookies or online, I won't.
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