Two years and sucked back in...

So another day done this time with a mistake that I won't be doing again, got cash out of bank to pay rent and guess what is next door?? I didn't go in but god d**n I was so tempted to but stayed strong, I need to learn from this not put myself in that situation again. I have to pay cash as I gave the landlord some story about my bank being rubbish at making standing orders I all think you know why it was rubbish with standing orders?? (needs to be money there ). I will be amending the standing order and paying this was next month don't need to be doing that to myself each month.

But hay I'm still learning the gamble free way on the right track and haven't fallen off.

Well I'm of to try and sleep got my poorly little one in my bed tonight so no dout not much sleep but alot of thinking.

night all and best wishes

Shaun

HI Shaun

I hope you are well.

I am glad you resisted the temptation to gamble. Hopefully the urge will soon subside.

I hope you little one has recovered. As a dad I know that when the kids suffer, I suffer!

Let me know how you are getting on.

Best

Mark

Hi Mark,

Yea going good thanks mate, 3 weeks down now which is good the want to gamble is fading but urges are still as strong but will not give in.

Don't know if your the same but you can go past a bookies and not look in where as before I would just stare and then think 'why not ill only try £10' (never ended up being £10 lol, its crazy what those places did to you.

Little one is better now cheers mate only thing is shes passed it on to me lol little buggers.

Iv not been on here for a few days with my partner not knowing its quite hard to write on here so will take a read of your posts and see how your doing.

Take it easy mate.

Sean

Evening,

Not a very good day today not gave in to be honest iv not thought about gambling which is quite remarkable, been one of those days where nothing goes right and taking it out on everyone. The other half doesn't know about my gambling and how much debt I am in and at the min im trying to juggle everything but I think the ball is about to drop.

I want to come clean to my partner and let her know everything that way she might understand why im so up tight and stressed.

I wish i never ever got involved with gambling!!!!

So tonight 24th of feb I have plucked up the courage to come clean and tell my amazing partner everything and leave nothing un told, as expected she was upset and worrying but we will get through this it wont be easy to start with but things will be looking up.

I want to thank Apg, Graham, Charlotte and Flo in chat tonight I was feeling very very low they managed to pick me up with some very good advice and make me do what I did tonight without you guys I prob would have still be papering the *** a year down the line.

So now my partner knows the truth my recovery will be stronger with someone I can talk to when feeling low.

I just want to say thank you to every thus far who has given me any advice my familys life will be a better place with me gamble free.

I will be back on tomorrow as tomorrow I will not gamble!!

Regards

Night everyone.

WELL DONE!

What you have just done is incredibly brave and you have shown all the love towards your partner by opening up everything to her.

The support that you will get from her from now on will be incredibly valuable but don't forget to give her plenty of support as well. After all, she has just had some unsettling news.

Like you say, your recovery really starts now and that light at the end of the tunnel must surely be shining a bit more brightly after last night.

Enjoy your weekend.

GT

Thanks GT,

I was so scared to let all be known but how wrong was I best decision I have made during my recovery.

She has been fantastic and understanding and will help me we will get through this, iv told her she can come her and talk to someone if she needs to.

The days as soon mounting up and not to be thinking about having a bet or what I would have had a bet on looking at the footy results is a good feeling.

Had to come home from work today as this man flu and not been able for 3 night in a row meant I managed to spend some time with my family how it should be spent and that was amazing.

A bit of advice for anyone feeling low would be to join in the chat room is really good to be able to talk to people who have been/are in the same situation as you this has helped me in a massive way.

Take care have a good weekend and together we will be gamble free!!

Shaun

Morning Shaun

Just read through your diary and its really encouraging to see how your moving forwards, taking all the right steps and doing things to prove yourself to those you have let down in the past.

I know how difficult it is to tell your loved ones about the gambling mate but you did amaziong Im really proud of you and it will now help to allow you to lay some new lie and guilt free foundations.

Stay strong keep posting and reading and keep coming to the chat room. Take care you will get there my friend.

Best Wishes

Andrew

Evening,

Cheers Andrew its reassuring that people are noticing the changes I am making to make my life and my family's life a better place.

Been a very low day today after a very good day yesterday this recovery road is very bumpy. Nothing to do with wanting to gamble or urges just in general felt cr**, the other half keeps making comments about being able to afford things which I think is getting to me but I guess this is just normal and part and parcel of her understanding.

Well here's to another weekend with not a thought of gamble.

I hope things now start to get better.

Take care and stay strong

Shaun

Hi Shaun

Just been catching up on ur diary ur doin so well , well done tellin ur wife am so pleased u got the support its amazing how the loved ones want to help sounds like a weights been lifted can only help with ur recovery u seem in a good place now and am sure u will stay there keep up the good work

Castle2

Hi Castle,

Thanks for the support I do appreciate it. Doing really well had another good chat with the other half this morning trying to help her come to terms with things and understand what I have been doing understandably she has got lots of questions, so all in all a good day today.

No want to gamble or urges today which again is encouraging.

Thanks for the ongoing support

Shaun

Nice chatting to you Shaun. I will read through your diary and post you tomorrow. Well done! Keep going mate. IanB

Hi Shaun,

As promised I have read through your diary. Try reading through mine to the point where you are now, I am sure you will relate and find some answers.

Very well done on reaching 4 weeks. Urges will get less and less but you must be still on guard. You have done all the right things so far. Full confession to all the important people in my life has made sure for me. I can't let anyone down but also can't let myself down. You are in stages of recovery now. When I looked at the 12 steps I was amazed to see that I was doing them on my own naturally without even knowing what they were! Just remember that when you are in deep regret(it will happen frequently) and you get depressed try to think about the future and take the positives from it. When I reach that state of mind I still often do the + and - test. Take a blank bit of paper. Divide it in to 2 halves. Write it down, my positive list gets bigger each week or so. Also works for love/hate about life/yourself and you can spur yourself on knowing that you are slowly getting better by stopping gambling.

I am taking a break from posting on my diary now. I have some issues to resolve and now is a better time than I have ever had. I will still read though and if you ever need advice then post on my diary and I WILL reply. I am going to see my counsellor again tonight. It is working for me. I can't do GA because I have a very prominent job and can't risk the chance of being recognised. Besides the gambling is over, that was what I used all along to mask what was lying underneath. It's time to face a few things now however painful that might be.

Anyway sorry for rattling on and on. It's your diary! You are doing just great Shaun. Keep following the same road.

Best wishes mate, IanB.

HI Shaun

I hope you are well. Glad you are still going strong.

I am so pleased that your wife is supporting you. That is half of the battle won.

Like you I have been to hell and back with the gambling lark and as far as I am concerned as long as I have my wife and kids everything else is irrelevant. Of course not being able to fully provide due to gambling is very painful and I think that is where your bumpy road to recovery analogy comes in. I think ulike other addictions, gambling would be much easier to overcome if we did not have the ongoing debt and depression that ensues.

Keep strong mate. I am there fore you.

best

Mark

Hi Mark,

Doing really good thanks mate.

Its been the best decision telling her we are so much happier now.

That is the other half the problem mark, wanting to win back what you have lost then the debts get more because you know what happens when you get back what you have lost do you stop? I know see the light and can see what I was doing wrong and now such a better dad can actually afford that magazine in the shop that little one always asks for.

1 Month on and things are looking up, going out tonight with the lads watch the footy this will be a test but taking £10 with me enough for a couple of pints and that is what Ill be doing with it.

Thanks for your support mark I do appreciate it.

Hope your doing well ill post on your diary now.

Regards

Shaun