Here I am again
Pockets empty; gambled again; I swore last Friday was the last of it after losing £18000 but today I lost the last £2400 I had in my account on p********r Casino hoping two large bets would get me my 20k back; obviously it didn't. I didn't go to work today I felt too sick of what I'd done. The inheritance money I got from my Dad passing went down the drain in less than a month, I am aware that I always come back to GamCare after a huge loss; I see forum posts from myself from years back but I am also aware that my gambling has taken over my life big time. I am here not just because of a big loss but because I have to stop gambling; there cannot be no inbetween anymore. I have spoke on the chatroom tonight and have Beatrice to thank for getting me some help; I have spent an hour on the phone just chatting with someone who understands and has got me back on the right track. All the time I have spent thinking about gambling is now going to spend on my own recovery. I always thought I could manage on my own; never needing anyones help in getting off gambling; I always thought I could just quit anytime yet here I am like a baby left by a stork on a doorstep. I am so grateful camcare exists in a world where the Government does not. Thank you.
Hope everyone is ok. Day 2 GF for me. Don't feel urges however money does not exist for me. I've let too many people down to carry on with my destructive behaviour any longer.
Evening Aaron, Welcome your opening message is such a common one I have been here many years even changed by username at one point to ask for help without people knowing I was back, Can start by asking you one question, its the one that I have finally manged to answer myself, If you had of won when you went back on with your last £2400 what would you have done? I guess you thought if I get it back I`ll collect it all, or if you won a little extra i`ll just keep going till im back down to X, but now in light of day both of these answer mean the same thing you have just wasted hours maybe days alone away from loved ones for nothing. You see we gamble for nothing we never walk away a winner it just gives you a means to come back and waste more time. So the next time you have money and feel you want to gamble just ask yourself what will I do if I win and if the answer is something you can afford to do instead of gambling then use your time and money for something that will make you happy and others around you, skip out the gambling and just do what you want to do.
Life starts now you can`t change what you did but you can change who you are and the rest of your life don`t beat yourself up another min, live life and share the love of been GF.
All the best
Chris
Good question Chris I guess I was just desperate to win the money back that I'd lost because right now even still I am struggling to come to terms with it still (even know I know it is gone forever) but I fully understand the vicious cycle that gambling extends to. Thank you for your kind words Chris. I begin a new life Tuesday; I will be living with my brother and his girlfriend and he will be taking care of my finances for me so I will not be able to do any damage. All I have known since being in this house I am in is gambling; the change of scenery and being away will I think do me the world of good.
I am determined to beat this for good.
Day 3 of not gambling but still sick to the pit of my stomach trying to get over the loss of £20000. How do you get that thought out of your head? I earn 13k a year on a minimum wage. I feel like I can't move forward with my life ever.
Evening Aaron, just thought i`d drop by and see how its going. Hope your all moved in and able to start your new life, a fresh start, a clean break.
Hi Chris I have officially moved out now. As I have my mind has been so clear aswell. Not one gambling thought has crossed my mind. I have no money anyway. Well I do but my brother has access to it all. I just hope I can stick with it now I am determined. I've made a new start now and I need to stick to it.
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