Hi my name is Dave and I am a compulsive gambler.
The last time I gambled was back in 1992.
For me recovery means to me is healing my pains.
The recovery program helped me helped my self to be able to abstain from my addiction.
Sadly I did not understand that by being involed with my addictions and obsessions I was causing my self so much pain fears and frustrations.
So before I could start to heal my pâins I needed to abstain from unhealthy habits and exchange unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.
Once I was able to abstin for long periods of time only then could I start to heal my pains.
I am a non religious program and found that the mention of religion and God very unsetttling at the beginning of my recovery.
I understand that the pains in my life caused fears in me that I di dnto understand or could reduce or fear.
The people in the recovery program helped me understand that deep down I was not a bad person, I was not a nevil person, I was not a weak person, I was not a stupid person, I was simply an emotionally vulnerable person.
The people in the recovery program helped me give up talking about money or being in action and start to talk about my feelings and my emotions.
The people in the recovery program helped me talk about my emotional triggers.
The people in the recovery program helped me open up and face my fears and reduce them and my trust started to grow.
My anger was a very unhealthy reaction to my pains not healed, a very unhealthy reaction to my fearss not reduced or faced, anger was a very unhealthy reaction to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations that did not go my way.
My other emotional triggers were boredom and loneliness.
In hearing therapies from the people in the recovery program I saw and felt my self, as the vulnerable person I use to be but more importanlt how healthy I could be if I put my of my time and energy in to working my healthy recovery program.
The recovery program empowered me, I moved from being a very unhealthy vulnerable person to becoming a much healthier person.
The gambling establishents never made me gamble that was my unhealthy choice.
The gambling establishents never made me lie, living in fear was why I use to lie.
The gambling establishents never stole my money I gave it away freely.
Each time I went back gambling was a lesson for me tolearn from.
What was my last emotional trigger, and can I learn from it today.
Days clean from our addiction can not be lost.
No matter when I last gambled it was important to go to meetings as many meetings as I needed.
The funny thing after time in the recovery program some time there were meetings after meetings which could go on for hours.
Some times meetings raise more questions that answers, hence meetings after meetings which helped understand more and open up more.
How much time and energy I put in to my recovery demonstrated how much I valued my self and how much I cared abotu healingmy pains and living amuch healthier spirtual life.
How could I understand what spirtual values were.
Well if I have a healthy conscience it is very much based up on spirtual values.
When I go against my own conscience I am in effect hurting my self.
Obsessive thinking and talking often was saying "I have to", when in fact I did not fully understand what my healthy needs and healthy wants and healthy goals were.
By writing down my lists of my healthy needs and my healthy wants and my healthy goals.
By writing down on paper was a commiment to my self.
By having a list kept me focused on healthy actions and healthy words.
Each item I did I would cross off of my list.
It is not important to get every thing done, we can carry out things on list to next day.
Each item I do the question is did I do a good job.
By having a list helps me over come my procrastinations.
By having a list helps me stay focused on my healthy actions and my healthy words.
Some people think that having lots of money and material things make you succesful.
Being succesful is based up on my healthy actions and my healthy words.
How much more do I want and need to become a much healthier person tommorrow.
Love healing and peace to every one.
Dave L
Dave of Beckenham
Hi Dave. Your post hit me at just the right time as emotional stress has been leading to sleepless nights in your post I see where I am now
I also did not realise the negative health implications of high emotional stress and worrying to name a few atrial fibrillation and stroke not to mention not eating correctly and no sleep some nights leaving you wrecked
I will try harder to get my life back on track as life is to short to just whittle away
Besr
Thank you for coming back to me.
The pains of the past caused fears in me that I di dnot understand.
My lying was due to two reasons when I was honest as a child I was punished for being honest.
I feared being honest because I feared rejection and abandonment of being rejection.
The lies I told were due to the high levels of fear I use to live in.
Sticking with the recovery rogram was going to help me exchange my unhealthy habits in to healthy habits .
My life today is just about being the healthiest person I can be today.
Invest as much time and effort in to your recovery as you can.
It leads to a much healthier life.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
Being with healthy like minded people in the recovery helped me heal my pains and live amuch healthier life.
The last thing I want in my life tody is to gamble or to react in such unhealthy ways.
The most valuable things in my life today is having healthy intimacy with people I love and using my time wisely.
Thank you.
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