Welcome to the " Hotel California "

In light of recent comment's regarding the " Right or wrong way's of recovery " .

I'd just like to say that " Many of the finest journey's I've walked throughout the new forest which I'm blessed to have sitting on my doorstep have been the one's where I've had no map nor compass , I come to a stile or a gate or crossroads and make a choice to go left right or straight on and on other occasions go back the way I came to find an alternative route , as with my recovery journey from gambling I roughly know where I'm heading but by not always sticking to the well trodden path I stumble across something new that I enjoy far more " :)) .

Peace to all xx

Hello mate

Glad I popped by today... Been fascinating reading your posts (as always) but this time feeling a real inspiration... Self-belief, backing yourself (for want of a better term), being open and honest with oneself, taking ownership of feelings and embracing vulnerabilities... Ultimately understanding oneself... I guess these are key components in a good recovery that you just can't teach... They have to come from the person, they have to come from within.

I've come to accept that some of us singing from the rooftops how best to recover is part and parcel of being on here... I'm guilty of it at the best of times... But the application needs to be partnered up with a genuine desire to stop gambling + an understanding of what works for you... And for the latter you need to really understand who you are. My crusade to help others succeed can only stretch so far for that reason, so I try just to point to the signposts these days. People know where to find me if what I point to works for them and would like some more help.

But it's ok. Because we are all learning every day on here. Hopefully improving too ;o)

How many people on here do you think gamble/have gambled but really don't know who they are still? Putting the practical effort in is one thing, but a quest into self-discovery is equally important if you ask me. The former on its own is 'dig your heels in' abstainence if you ask me - a combination of the former and latter is good old recovery in its finest form.

Anyway thanks for the recent posts Al. Great stuff.

Better get some kip (been waiting for my computer to update for hours so I can send one file to someone by sunrise!!!!) - as I'm taking my boy to a church fun day later (bouncy castles, face painting and a magician to boot)

Best stay away from the tombolas though :o)

Have a good weekend buddy.

Hello diary :)) .

" RECOVERY " ???

What's it mean anyway ?????? ..................................If you google it the answer's " A return to a normal state of health,mind or strength " ........So where's that leave a compulsive gambler like myself who will alway's be compulsive by the very nature of the word but who hasn't gambled according to my day count for 1301 day's ? .

I mean at what point does someone like me stop being in recovery or will it never end ?

RECOVERY for me has always drummed up the image of someone who's had an operation or accident and is working toward's their health getting back to where it was prior the accident ? Someone who's had flu is unwell and hopefully recovers just as would someone who's broken an arm recover , I get that .

Some may say " Well , recovery from addiction is different " but if that's the case then I'd be a recovering smoker for the rest of my life as that's an addiction right ? ( well it was a huge thing for me to give up ) but I stopped smoking over 28 yrs ago and would never say to someone that offered me a cigarette now " Sorry I'm a nicotine addict and I'm in recovery " ?.

So why the name " Recovery " if there's going to be no point in your life where you'd ever be considered a " Non gambler " there surly has to be apoint where it ends ? , I've as previously stated not had a punt for 3 and a half yrs and feel pretty confident to say I'll never gamble again but that being said there's always a possibility but then also as with illness theres possibility's that the symptom or illness could return and a possibility also that I could fall and break the same arm again ?.......................... My mind , health and state feel to me as though I don't have any real issues but that wouldn't stop me being termed" in recovery" in the sense of the gambling world ? .

Sorry about this weird post diary but I've kinda got hooked up on this at the mo and looking back at it on paper may throw light on the subject but then again maybe not ? .............. For now I'm gonna say I'm in remmision " Just for today.

This is probably too much info for one diary entry but also been overthinking the whole " Depression thing " ..........am I or arn't I ? ............................ I've felt down for a while now nothing major though and it's just life and circumstances really but I got to the point the other day after speaking with my partner of calling in the GP'S practice I use . I asked about an appointment but as usual was told there were no appointment's available for 9yrs :(( , anyway the lady said " What's the problem " so I said " I think I'm depressed " she asked " How long it had been going on for " and I thought ( I bet she want's me to drop my trousers in a mo) " LOL !! , I ctually said " A couple of yr's I think " .......not quite sure where I plucked that number from really ??? .

Anyway she suggested a ring back from the doctor which duly came an hour or so later , he asked about any issues or problems I had and again how long this had been going on for ........... then came the one about " Suicidal thought's " .Mhhhh ??? ...........

What do I say ??? ......... " Yes " I blurted out out akwardly ...............but I added I don't think I'd ever go through with it though .........." Thinking that would make it better " ........." I mean ,doesnt everyone get those friom time to time " ? .

Long story even shorter ................ He gave me a number for the helpline to call and suggested an appointment with a GP which not supprisingly was in about 8 and a half yrs ( slightly shorter than the 9 I could get because he obviously knows people right ? ). Now I'm gonna say that I didn't do either ................... " Why " ? Not sure really but being doing a lot of talking to myself .......".internally of course " trying to decide if I do need help or if indeed I am really depressed ??? .......... at the moment I've come to the conclusion that " I get a bit pee'd off at life , I worry about thing's that haven't happened ( always been that way ) and if there's nothing to worry about I'll find something to worry about ? ......................... I don't wan't to end it all in the least but what I sometimes crave for is for thing's to go away and obviously they did go away when I ran to gambling and that kinda sums it up for me , the trouble was that gambling was a temporary and imaginary fix, which resulted in far more problems than I face these day's :)). ............................... " Guess I'll go back to Recovery then and stick with the plan " ..........???? .

" See ya soon old friend "

Deep post mate... I hope it helped to ease some feelings and answer some questions.

I like the idea of 'remission' - nice. re the first part, shame ALN isn't about these days, I reckon he'd have something insightful to contribute re these matters and your thoughts.

Also hopefully ODAAT will hit you up at some point - what you posted is the type of stuff I send her regularly :o) unlike the GP she is pretty responsive and useful when it comes to these things lol!

Great to hear from you as always. Chin up buddy. 3 and half years free of this horrid affliction? You're a legend mate for that alone... More so because you pick people out of the gutter like me and believe in us.

Dear A9,

very interesting post about the term 'recovery' - perhaps a slightly different spin would be 'being allergic to gambling'. After a period of not knowing you finally realised you are allergic to gambling (you have a problem) and through treatment support, this Forum, GA, calling the HL/NL, whatever it was, you realised what you need to do to stay stafe from your allergies. At the beginning it was a real struggle to change your habits that were feeding the allergy, but after 3 and a half years you are very good at knowing your danger situations, knowing how to keep yourself safe from an allergic reaction. A bit like if you've had a severe nut allergy (without wanting to downplay the impacts and seriousness of a gambling problem).

With regards to whether you have depression or not - well done for calling the GP and well done for being honest with him. He will be the best person to be able to diagnose if you are, and discuss treatment going forward. So do take that appointment in 8 and a half years.

Do try and focus on all the positives you have achieved in these three and a half years, it is huge, and it was hard work and although life is not always a walk in the park, it was and is all worth it.

Wishing you all the very best,

Eva

Forum Admin

Thank you Eva :)).

I think your anology of it being like an " Allergy" is actually spot on , I know how gambling makes me react and the side affects that come with it and the choice is to stay away from the cause :)) .

Many thank's for your post .

Morning Alan,

I think volcano used to use the word “discovery “ recovery as you say is to return to a former self/ wellness, but what if you didn’t like your former self? or the person you was- was all you’ve ever known? Discovery opens up limitless possibilities.

Depression I guess everyone from every walk of life suffers from it and some point. I think for me I’d spent that long playing happy, putting on a fake smile I’d lost the ability to show my emotions. What I had to learn was to have an emotional balance, I don’t have to be happy all the time, it’s ok to be sad sometimes.

I actually spoke to someone about anxiety the other day, I suffered anxiety a lot when I stopped gambling, and I told him anxiety is a perfectly normal human reaction, everyone has anxiety, it’s not to dissimilar to fight or flight anxiety is on the same level or possibly the same thing as fear, not knowing an outcome or fearing you’ll be judged, are all the main factors of an anxiety episode, so if you face down those fears or don’t let them control you, the anxiety will dissipate. In a roundabout way I guess what I’m saying is don’t be controlled by fear.

Anyway I’m rambling on here.

Have a great day bud

X

@ Jason :))

You ramble all you like fella as you know what Martin would say about " Rambling " :)) .

I think Volcano's approach was " Rediscovery " which again is a great anology as were definately exploring a new life ,seeking out new opportunities and " Boldy going where no man has gone before " ( sorry couldn't resist ) :)) .

I suppose " Depression and Anxiety " are part of everyday life for most of us , it's just a case of recognising that some of it's just life and not letting thing's get to the point where it takes over completely ? . Us being Gambling addict's gave us the opportunity to mask all those problems by self medicating so it kinda makes sense that now that were not getting our medication anymore that we have to learn to deal with thing's differently and as you said " Head on " ..

I'm getting depressed and anxious now thinking " Why hasn't my old mate got a diary of his own yet " :)) . you could call it " A coat of many colours " or something like " Donner van man " ? :))

Take care old buddy and thank's for dropping by xx

The Day of the National used to provoke such different feeling's in me , not for the the joy or excitement of the race but for the fact that I got got so annoyed by " The general public " that turned up once a year to invade the place I called home ............ I was fuming on a Saturday morning in April that I was overun by these pretend gamblers taking my space and they'd definately had it if they dared interupt me while I was studying form or fixated once again on the FOBt to politely ask " Can you tell me how to fill in this betting slip " !!!! .....effing amatures should pi55 off and leave me alone and stop making me lose !!! .

I look back now thinking what sort of mindset was I in to feel and behave like that ? .

Different day today , the tv may or may not be on but either way it won't interest me to take a punt as I'll leave that to others :)) .

Hey Alan, thanks for dropping by my diary yesterday. I hope you enjoyed your wine and crisps while I was feeling the afterburn of leg workout especially around my quads haha. Them squats and lunges are no fun I tell you lol. I hope you have a great week too my friend.

Guys, how come it’s just now I’m hearing that you too both have these painful mindsets post gambling?!? I’m pretty sure I have had periods of real depression since stopping but when I compare them to the bad old days I’m like, “w*f are you nuts?” & so I pull up my big girl pants, pop on my smile & get on with doing the absolute bare minimum to get through each day. I look back fondly on the weeks that I popped my happy pills, because I was tired of course, not for any other reason (DENIAL - Don’t Even Notice I Am Lying) & I know in my heart now that that was depression but I still don’t have the balls to say it out loud because I know I don’t NEED them! When I am doing stuff as per the GA instruction manuals, I do tend to feel a lot better but I’m still hoping that re-discovery will happen without too much effort on my behalf & one day I’ll just wake up (before midday) & feel human! It’s gonna sound completely mad but as you all know I’m coming round to the idea that I ain’t wired properly but when I follow the program, the bad days are way more bearable because I know they will pass. Gambling numbed my feelings for so long that they’re always gonna come as a shock, happy or sad but I’m grateful to have them back now because taking joy in gusts of winds & buds of colour is immeasurable!

I’m barely here these days but absolutely it’s rediscovery & will dig out the post in relation to it someday (I’m pretty sure it wasn’t V that came up with it & if the person is reading, I really hope you have found a peace & are still with us)!

As Suzanne would say, KOKO my friends - ODAAT

Alan I think I found it?

Posted by: Merry go round

Alan I think I found it?

Thank you Merry go round ?

Christ....I'll need to spend hours getting use to this Mr fish.....I think I'm posting in the right plaice ????best thing about New sites is my love for emojs ??

Hey....I'm bobbing about a bit more on here now.....weird ain't it.....I reckon in our early days in here....when we were raw and emotional it would have drove us all nuts. ..New layouts...changes etc.....now we can just get on with it....mooch about....dive in and out ....ohhhh just remembered the emojs ...??????...no sense....just random selection ??

Sooo I trust you had a cracking bank holiday trade.....??sold loads I hope.....I'm sure the grockles love your customer charm....and wit ?

Twas mental here..... £€£€...perfect...???

All good with me and mine....between work...parents..grandkids  I'm kept im my toes.....but have given myself couple hours chill this afters.....even found a couple left over eggs to munch on....cuppa tea and chocs ?

Hope your tribe are all tickety boo.......I've not heard ort from the boys for ages.....bit worried the brickies built a wall from the inside.....and can't get out...and young mart ....he was off on a boys trip....maybe he got locked up.....and tight lines ....he's probs on a fishing trip on the Orkney isles. ....

Anyway....thought I would pop over and annoy you.....tea and choc finished.....so time for shower before opening.....

Lots of hugs and kisses...and a mojo. ....or two ?

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I've just hit the reply button but still not sure till I post if it goes to you or stay's on mine ? . 

Nice to hear from you Loxxie xx and glad everything's well in your world and business is good :)) 

I've also just noticed someones reached a nice round number today  " 1200 " so huge congrats on that one love xx . I don't know about you but I can't believe we've been here for so long ? The jokes and laughs we all shared got us through those dark early days but this last 12 / 18 months seem to have flown by , that's a good sign though I'm sure and as you said we're not here as much these day's and just pop in and out but there's not many day's that pass that I don't think of the old gang :)) ( just wiping away a tear now ) :)) . 

Jason popped by on my diary a few weeks ago , he's gone quite up market with his post's now ( no mention of kebab vans anymoire ) 🙁 and I saw a post from martin a few day's ago but forgot to respond ( sorry Martin ) but there's not as many good cakes around anymore that's for sure  and the last I heard the Fishery protection bloke had been arrested for Holding up a mars bar lorry ( that'll get a response ) sorry Bal , sorry admin :(( .  

I didn't actually open for Bank holiday as me and Mrs Fish had 4 days together ( not nights coz she snores ) down Dorset way , the kids are all fine and social services are asking if we would take the 2 girls on permanently in full time fostering as the adoption process has drawn a blank :(( . 

My own kids are all well and my son and his girlfriend set off for the philippines for 2 weeks last night then there off to Bali for another 4 weeks ( alright for some eh) , my grandson's coming on fine he's 20mnths now and has that air of mischief about him already :)) . 

I hope this post reaches you loxxie but apologies if it still ends up on mine ? . 

Thanks for the post hun and until we talk again, stay safe and love to you and yours xxxxxxxxxx