Hi
I have started a few diaries over the years i have had a gambling problem since my teens. That is other 10 years now WOW. That hurts to see in writing to be honest.
The longest i have been without gambling was around four months last summer. My major problem is slots mainly on the ones in the bookies but i have dabbled on online aswell
I come on here today having lost 250 pound in 10 mins in the bookies on so called mega spins i feel sick.
I cant explain what happens to me before and when i gamble i lose all sense of reality i think. I do no the value of money i am good in all other aspects of money saving and what not.
Thats why i know i am a compulsive gambler and i need to sort myself out and i need help. I really want to stop.
My family have no idea about my problem not even my wife, being a compulsive gambler makes you a great liar so i have been able to hide it mainly by getting myself deeper and deeper into debt.
This is the final straw if i dont stop this time then i do not deserve anything out of life and that is what i will get.
I have cancelled all my online accounts and am going to give my wife my bank card but im not going to tell her why for the time being.
I intend to post everyday to see how my story unfolds.
Jamie
Hi Jamie, swap the slots for the horses and I could have written what you've written. I think telling your wife all about your gambling would be a good start. Let her manage your finances and get money in small amounts so you're not tempted. Self excluding from as many bookmakers and online accounts as possible is an important step. I hate thinking back to all the lies I have told and all the people I have hurt along the way. We are addicts and its so hard to beat our addiction, but there's more out there for us, life without gambling is so much better. I look forward to reading your diary and seeing how your journey goes. Good luck
Thanks for your support Bornagain it really does make me feel stronger that im not the only one going threw this.
Well im onto my first full day gamble free still annoyed other what happened yesterday but i cant change that now, its all about looking forward. I have taken the steps self excluded from every place i gamble and have given my wife my bank card and told her to give me a set amount every week.
I have not told her the full story just said i want her to keep control of my money. To be honest i think she knows more than she lets on, but does not want to ask to many questions as she is afraid of the ansews. Makes me sick that i have even put her in this position.
I have had no urges to gamble today as i said im still angry about what i have done.
Day 1 Jamie
Onto day 2 now not had any urge to gamble today. Will have to be a short entry today as ive just done some overtime at work and am going to play football soon.
Keeping busy has helped in the past and i think will help again.
Day two gamble free
jamie
Day 4 now havent had any urges to gamble, my anger at myself is still very strong and that is seeing me though at the moment.
Have had a bit of bad news in my personal life but i am not going to let that be an excuse to gamble, i have often gambled when i am at a low point but not today.So i will give myself a pat on the back
Jamie
Keep being positive James and come on here for support if you get the urge to gamble. You've taken the first step to recovery and try to keep going one day at a time. re personal issues, you are quite right that us as compulsive gamblers use all sorts of excuses to gamble. These are the times when we are very vulnerable therefore you need to be strong at these points by using this site for help and support.
Keep strong.
mo
Cheers Mo your right about any excuse to gamble in the past i would of taken it as a open door to gamble. But not this time.
Onto day 6 now feeling possitive, got a day off work but am not going to waste it gambling. Even though i have only stoped gambling for 6 days i am sleeping so much better. I just hope i can keep this going, i know how hard itis but im going to give it my all.
Day 6 gamble free
jamie
1 week up for me today, a small milestone hit. The thought of gambling is still bringing out anger in me which is a great help still.
I have been down this road many times before i know the road will be long and difficult but i have to stay focused.
Jamie
Hi mate, I remember your last diary as I think we'd started one around the same time last year. It's good that you've come back to the right place to get help. Writing on here logging progress is one of the best ways to stop. Well done on a week, it's probably the hardest part of recovery as you know so its a massive milestone. Keep chipping away, managing urges, putting any block in place you can and enjoy life again. Life is fantastic without the evils of gambling.
Keep it up mate,
James
Cant believe its been 6 days since i last posted, but im happy to say i remain gamble free, i have had alot going on in my life and gambling has not crossed my mind mainly because i havent had the time to think recently.
Im onto 13 days gamble free and i has flew by. I know times will get harder but im dertemind to stop for good this time
Jamie
Good on you Jamie,
I'm walking the same path as you in a paper diary & it always surprises me seeing blank spaces where I haven't journalled (if that is even a word). The urges will come as you say but as they say on The Biggest Loser & you have proved above, this is the season of no excuses!
Isn't it weird that I'm proud of people I've never met?!?
Well im back again, what a idiot i am, feel so down and at the end of my teather. It all started back up again first with small amounts then bigger and bigger amounts. Slots again is my downfall is the only form of gambling i have no control over.
Im going to try these steps : stop putting myself into situations where i can gamble, post on gamcare everyday, start working out again, stop having money in the house.
If i fail again i am going to have to take the step i have always dreaded going to group therapy because i cant live with this problem anymore.
Jamie
The first day of my upteenth attempt to stop gambling has passed without incident. I just keep finding myself shaking my head at myself all the time. Im so angry at the moment and i think that is a good thing for the time being.
One day at a time at the moment.
Day 1 gamble free
Had the day off work today, normally that would mean i would of gambled but pleased to say thats not the case today. I have managed to do a few jobs around the house trying to keep myself busy. Playing football in an hour so going to get a quick bite to eat and make the wife her tea for when she gets in from work.
No urges to gamble today.
Day 2 gamble free
Had the day off work today, normally that would mean i would of gambled but pleased to say thats not the case today. I have managed to do a few jobs around the house trying to keep myself busy. Playing football in an hour so going to get a quick bite to eat and make the wife her tea for when she gets in from work.
No urges to gamble today.
Day 2 gamble free
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
