What is the point.
I've recently finished a gambling episode after several months gamble free.
All the hurt, pain, self hate had worn off after a few months of abstaining, mainly through boredom I had an interest bet on the cricket.
I regretted it straight away, a £40 bet, a friend placed the bet as I'm self excluded with 99% of bookmakers.
This unwittingly woke up the little demon in my head. It told me to re coup the £40 , even tho the bet hadn't even lost yet.
I drove a few miles to a bookmakers that I wasn't excluded from, only to find it was no longer open, relief entered my head.
I didn't want to gamble, but maybe remembering the pain, upset, anger it has always given me is what I needed.
A couple of weeks pasts, I'm still set on re couping the £40, in my head I would still be gamble free for the year, as I've not financially lost.
My moses exclusion had expired a few weeks previous but it was still in the review stage, I decided to again travel to a bookmakers outside my home town that I never visited but had excluded myself from as it was only half hour away, to my amazement and humiliation I was recognised and refused a bet.
A sign, but I was hell bent on having a gamble, they say if you stand outside a hairdressers long enough you get a haircut, I did and I eventually found a bookie I wasn't excluded from.
I have to say to gamstop does work extremely well, highly recommended, I've been with it for 4 years, it helps in times of urges without a doubt.
My £55 to win £40 came in, I was back to level, I had a free interest bet, all was good.
Ha ha.
We all know what that little win leads to, maybe I can just have a few little certy berty bets, just win £100 for Xmas.
Little by little I had a few winners, £120 up, bets start to increase, I'm all too aware what is happening, but it's impossible to stop.
Maybe I can win a couple of hundred a week.
The winners kept coming £360 up boxing day, we were out the next day, a gd time for a breather. We got bk a bit earlier than expected, secretly this is what I'd hoped for, so I could increase my profits.
Within an hour it was all gone, but I was level on the year, enough is enough.
Next day, all thoughts are bk with gambling.
It's amazing how it takes over your whole thought process, everything revolves around a bet, the all too familiar feelings, moodiness, anxiety, exaggerated highs/lows. I know what I am doing is so wrong, gambling had me licked over 30 years ago, at least I know eventually when to call it a day, but the addiction hadn't taken its slice of pain and misery yet.
Amazingly, I won bk the 360 profit back.
I got no idea what to do with the money, can't tell my missus, I don't want anything, what was the point of risking everything to gain a few quid that I classed as dirty money, the money is not real, my money is real when I lose it, but the bookies winnings is just an illusion.
I had no problem giving it back to them plus another 200, it took all of 2 hours, years of years of pain has giving me a stop button, 200 was enough, I text out another £100 acca bet but deleted it, instead asked to be excluded.
The acca bet would of come good, £650
Salt in the wound? I don't think so, it would of only spiralled out control like every other gambling episode in my life.
So I'm back to my thinking, what's the point??
I've come to the conclusion I don't gamble for profit, I dont enjoy the act of gambling I hate losing , it takes up far too much time, thinking time, the buzz was not enjoyable, heart palpitations, stress it caused, its just a pointless excericise.
I'm gonna think of the £200 as a fee to keep gamble free in 2022.
All the best people , you can't win cos you can't stop.
Relate to so much. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for being so honest in sharing your story. I have just joined this site . Your story is a mirror image of mine .
Thanks for your honesty, I too also wonder sometimes what is the point? I gamble sometimes without any interest of winning or losing and knowing max I can win is £500. I know I can’t get rich. Plus all the negatives that come with gambling.
I am only on day 18 of my latest effort to quit gambling but already I think about the positives.
Stay strong mate odaat
Hi Trigger,
Thanks for your honesty/posting and sharing.
I'm sure that a lot of people can relate to this and take some encouragement from it.
Please feel free to contact the GamCare Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or online chat to explore the additional support available to you. We are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week if you would like to talk to one of the GamCare HelpLine advisers.
All the best with everything and please continue to post within your recovery journey.
Kirk
Forum Admin
Love your post. It's spot on. Keep us updated on your progress in a month or so. Best wishes.
Thanks for all the replies, much appreciated. I should have just logged on here and read some posts instead of physically gambling, nevermind what's done is done.
I've no intention or will to gamble at present. At least I took heed and learnt from my latest episode, mini episode I suppose.
I hadn't gambled for 6 months previous to dec 18th, even then I was just dipping my toes in the water.
All through those 6 months I abstained, gambling was in the back of my mind, making plans for when my gamstop ends in 2023 ' I'm gonna do different next time ' just trade on cricket games'.
Its all b******t I know, but Im trying to kid myself, give myself false promises to get through each day gamble free.
Why do I need to do this? Its like going on a strict diet and promising yourself a massive chocolate cake once you've lost a stone. - pointless.
I wish you could bottle that morning gambling hangover, and just have a little tipple once in a while to help your brain remember.
I'm fortunate the sums of gambling didn't impact me this time, I do limit my fund availability.
It's a long journey in recovery, a day at a time must never be forgotten.
Out of the blue a blip, I've been going along nicely, gambling was not on the horizon, then bosh.
Cricket betting is my gamble of choice,the ipl starting awoke a demon.
Thankfully I'm so c**P at picking a winner in a 2 horse race the anger, self hate led me to take action before too much damaged was incurred.
I let myself down again but I don't want to be too hard on myself, I have come so far, at least I've got a stop switch now, even tho it may come 4 bets too late.
I feed my demon, but in a way I'm glad the episode is now over, a gentle reminder how chaotic life gets when your gambling.
How I ever found time to gamble is beyond me, I rushing around frantically just to get home to watch the games.
Again what would I do if I'd won £200 or £300?
Would I stop? Of course not, I wouldn't even know what to do with it.
I Self excluded from the bookmaker I amazingly found, I'm a serial Self excluder, I've closed my personal bank account, another barrier in case I find another greedy bookie.
Onwards and upwards.
99 not out, all good.
110 days gf.
Temptation reared it's ugly head whilst away on holiday, I was spending more than I anticipated, thoughts turned to winning a quick couple of hundred on the footy, alcohol, sports betting bars it was a perfect storm.
I managed to over come the urge, I took time out, thought of the consequences, the bet would probably win, but I would be bk on the hamster wheel.
It did win, irrelevant, winning/losing =losing.
Another hurdle successfully conquered.
Great posts, they are so relatable.
Especially the “winning/losing =losing.”
This is so true, winnings are only temporary and they usually cause more money lost overall than even before the win!!
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